​In the world of the everyday, we move from moment to moment taking care of “business.”  Much of what we do is routine and makes us effective at what we do.  Even when the routine does not work, we will reach back and find another way to “get-r-dun.”  And, when nothing else has seemed to work, we will look around and find a new way to meet the goal.  We move from one task to the next at work and at home.  We spend the bulk of our lives “doing” stuff.  When finished we move on to do other stuff.
 
A vacation can offer us an opportunity to find another side of our lives that is more about “being” than doing.  Now, I have to be careful using a word like “being.”  It has been the fodder for countless philosophical arguments for millennia and is generally used in such obscure, meaningless ways that it has become a joke to most folks.   I am not interested in picking the mites off the backs of the philosophical fleas that hang out on the word “being.”  But vacations do offer us a time to get back in touch with ourselves, to rediscover who we are and what fills our lives with joy.  When we live into who we are, we are “being.”
 
The soul offers ample opportunities for us to vacate our routine lives and find our “being.”  The soul opens our eyes to the wonders around us.  The soul helps us experience the world without running our perceptions through the filters of the mind.  We can receive something without asking questions about it.  How can I use this?  Where did it come from?  Why is it here?  What is it called?  The soul can receive a sensory experience and respond to it with joy and wonder. 
 
The soul helps us vacate the routines and introduces us to someone who may have gotten lost in all the “doing.”  It can re-introduce us to the “being” inside who revels in wonder and awe.  It can help us meet ourselves along the way of the everyday.

​Open the Senses.  Look, listen, taste, touch, and smell.  Let the world astound you!
 
Let go of the questions!  Let the world be what it is.  It is remarkable all on its own.
 
Enjoy the moment by letting that experience fill your life.  Let your awe force everything else aside.
 
Allow that moment to become a memory, unencumbered by theories, ideas, or reflections.
 
Let the moment speak as it chooses, especially if it chooses to remain silent.
 
When the moment passes allow gratitude to grow as you look back with joy for the gift you have received.
 
Blessings,
Bob

Soulful Vacations
 
What Is Awe?
 
Cultivating Awe
​

​A big part of our day-to-day living is sharing “inner space” with our friends and enemies.  We make room in our thoughts and feelings for them.  We think about them.  We worry about them.  We respond to them whether they are present or absent from our immediate presence.  We carry feelings about them.  We react to those feelings.  All of this adds up to what some have called an “emotional investment” in them.
 
What is emotional investment?  It reflects the extent of our soul’s involvement with them.  We do not have an unlimited supply of emotional energy but being in relationships involves some level of emotional investment of the energy.  Soul weariness occurs when the energy we invest has outweighed the energy we have gained from the relationship.   When this energy gets used up, we wilt inside.  Feelings become more difficult to manage.  We lose our resilience.  We may feel empty as despair overwhelms our joy and hope.  Love and trust may fall victim to apathy as we let go of our healthy disciplines and relationships.  Self-care of the soul among our friends and enemies is all about taking responsibility for our emotional investment in others and thereby managing the emotional energy we have to deal with the roller coaster of living in the here and now. 
 
It is important to note that both enemies and friends come with an emotional investment.  To the extent that we are vulnerable to our enemies’ attacks will determine how much investment we have in them.  If we harbor a guilty conscience over an encounter with the enemy, we are more heavily invested in a relationship with them and any encounter with them will cost us more energy.  If we reconcile with an enemy or learn to cope during our encounters with them, we may actually gain energy from the relationship.  On the other hand, if we are crazy in love with someone, we will also have a deep emotional investment in them.  If they hurt, we hurt.  If they rejoice, we rejoice.  In hurting we use energy.  In rejoicing we gain energy.  Good self-care is learning to deal with these relationships in such a way that we keep our energy high enough to maintain our soul health.
 
This is not easy.  In fact, it is very difficult and even managing these relationships can cost us a great deal of emotional energy.  This is why we all need to just take a break and enjoy some solitude.  We need some time to break our dependence on and engagement with others.  We need time to recoup and build a healthy relationship with ourselves.  We can do this while alone or in a crowd, but there comes a time when we all need to step back and lean on our inner lives.

​What can I do to create some solitude in my life?  (Be aware that being alone is not the same as solitude.)
 

• Find something else to redirect your attention away from other people.  (Take a nature walk.  Sit quietly and stare into a candle.  Listen to music.  Meditation, etc.)
• Redirect your inner conversation away from the world and focus on your personal needs, hopes, and dreams.
• Allow silence to overwhelm that inner voice and release any need to respond to thoughts or sensations by naming them and letting them go.
• Foster a stillness of body-mind-soul by listening to the sounds of the breath moving in and out of your life.
• Enjoy yourself!

 
Blessings,
Bob
 

Emotional Overinvestment
 
Maintaining Emotional Balance
 
Date Night with Self
​

​Retirement is a significant change in our lives.  It echoes throughout our daily lives and may bring a sense of dislocation, “out-of-sync-ness” to who we are.  If our retirement is voluntary, we may find it easier to let go of the past and embrace our new lives.  But if our retirement is involuntary (whether by health, employer, or just worn out) the letting go may be more difficult and the path ahead will be difficult to embrace.
 
For the voluntarily retired, it is relatively simple matter of caring for our soul.  It may mean intentionally re-investng ourselves in other parts of our lives, i.e. family, friends, hobbies, etc.  It will mean exploring new ways and discarding those paths that do not feed our soul.  It may still be challenging and may require some added commitment of energy and will.  However, the path into retirement will be walkable.
 
When the change is not voluntary, we will have a whole different “critter” to deal with, grief.   Grief is the expected reaction to an unwelcome change in our lives.  While grief is most commonly understood to be the result of losing a significant relationship in death, it also applies when we involuntarily lose something that is significant to us, such as a life-giving, meaning-producing job through retirement.  The path into an involuntary retirement can be much more difficult.  It will mean making room for the changes as they come into your life the while wrestling with anger, sadness, etc. along the way.
 
Both of these types of retirement will demand a great deal from our soul as the seat of energy and will.  They will require patience, honesty, and hope.  To generate these within the soul we will need the energy to get through challenges brought by the changes that retirement brings.  Our Tips will offer ways to take care of the energy in our soul.

​Generate energy in abundance through joy and gratitude.  Nothing brings a sense of strength to the soul better than good old gratitude.  Gratitude is the recognition that we have been gifted.  It is a soul that rejoices over the welcome gift.  Gratitude offers affirmation, healthy relationships, and a sense of connection that inspires joy.  In the process of being grateful we find the energy to deal with our struggles and can move forward.  In retirement, this energy is essential to our well-being.  It is important to note that gratitude is a choice.  While the gift is beyond our choosing, our response to our daily living can always include a sense of gratitude.
 
Watch out for the things that waste your energy.  Anger, shame, guilt, and despair can drain our energy very quickly.  They can make us tired.  While we cannot control when they appear in our lives, we can guard against their sapping our energy by refusing to dwell on them.  If we can acknowledge them and identify the reason for them, we will even find a bit of a boost in energy that will help us either address them or let them go.  But when we allow them to linger in the soul, they take away our will and make us weary.  Do not allow them to waste your energy as you enter retirement.
 
Using your energy well.  Spend your energy well.  Save your will power for the things that will bring you joy.  Do not invest the energy generated by your gratitude in wrestling with “shoulda’, coulda’, woulda’.”  Do not let problems and worries beyond your control steal away your joy and energy.  Stay focused on your path and use your energy to move you along.  It may not make the path much easier, but it will make moving forward possible.
 
When we invest our energy in people, positive situations, and addressing real needs we will multiply our joy and experience gratitude.   By dwelling on regrets, anger, a sense of victimhood, and/or shame our energy will be wasted and we will lose our capacity for hope in our retirement.   Without hope, we will find our capacities for love, trust, and joy diminished as well.
 
Retirement is a significant change.  It can be an opportunity to embrace a new path toward living or an occasion to give, lay down, and die.  By self-care of the soul, we can find the energy we need to move forward and embrace the road ahead with joy and gratitude.
 
Journey well, my friends!
Bob

The Forced Retirement
 
Dealing with Retirement Blues
 
Retirement and Grief
​

​The unsung hero in our work lives is the soul.  Our physical and mental abilities and skills generally receive the bulk of the praise when we perform or jobs well.  But neither the mind nor the body can generate the will or energy to do our jobs well.  That bonus you received was more indebted to your soul’s ability to engage the mind and body in the tasks at hand. 
 
Your employer does not hire hands to work or a mind to think.  They employ a soul to share the employer’s passion for the work and to engage in working and furthering the employer’s goals.  Otherwise, the work is poorly preformed regardless of the skills and knowledge of the employee.  This is why merely managing human resources, the minds and bodies of the employers, will not yield good results.  The good manager hires people with good skills and knowledge but then goes on to inspire the soul to engage in the work.  The soul is just as important to our work lives as our ability to perform the duties of the job.
 
In 1949, Lee J. Cobb took the stage as Willie Loman in Arthur Miller’s play Death of a Salesman.  Willie is a tragic figure who exemplifies the failure of the soul to help him through his life as a salesman.  Willie was never a stellar performer on the road.  But as he aged, he lost his ability to “charm” his clients into buying anything.  This is more than mere failure to meet his goals.  It is more than an economic failure.  His soul fell into the abyss of self-doubt, meaninglessness, and hopeless despair.  The play ends with Willie deciding that suicide is not only the only choice, but his best choice at finding what he had been seeking all of his life, meaning and self-determination.  Willie has become an icon for the soul that succumbs to burnout, loss of self, and the defeat of the human spirit before the idol of employment success.
 
Too many of us base our value and worth on what our hands and mind can produce.  Further, we allow the world to define us and place a value on us through how important we are in fulfilling its goals.  Self-care of the soul demands that we take back our permission to let the world define us by finding our own self-worth and value.
 
This begins with growing into our joys.  Do not simply find your passion, discover the things that truly bring you joy.  If you are able to be employed by someone who pays you to do those things, then pour yourself into your work.  But remember, it is the joy that is your real paycheck.  Unfortunately, many of us are not able to find work that neatly matches our passion and joy.  If that is the case, develop other opportunities to do that which brings you joy.  Look upon your employment as a “day job” that allows you to do your “real” work.  Do not forget that the reason you are working is to fill and fulfill your life, not to be enslaved to another’s needs or goals.  As we grow into our joys, we will engage life.  Willie Loman will be someone else’s story.  Our story will not be easy, but it will bring us meaning, joy, and hope for a life well-lived.

​The tip for self-Care of the Soul at work is very simple.  Find the boundaries that promote joy in your work life.
​
This may mean making clear distinctions between work and non-work.  Work is work!  Home is home!  Compartmentalize not only our hours you engage in each, but your expectations of each. 
 
Allow work to be one of several ways you find joy and meaning in life.  Cultivate a sense of value and purpose in your hobbies, social, and family life.  Allow them to be part of the way that you define and measure your “success.”  Dedicate yourself to becoming the person who feels good about their whole life and refuse to sacrifice a single moment on the altar of someone else’s goals and expectations. 
 
Finally, establish a clear boundary about what you are willing to pay for that life well-lived.  You alone can say what the price should be, and you alone should determine when the price is too high.
 
May your work life bring you the joy that sustains you and the hope that inspires you.  If not, may you find ways that will fulfill your joy and hope and reframe your job and private life as ways to support these paths.
 
Blessings,
 
Bob

Joy in the Workplace
 
Death of a Salesman - Movie
 
When You have Sold Your Soul to Your Employer

​New journeys demand much of our soul.  There are a full range of emotions that crop up while we are walking unfamiliar paths.  Familiar emotions are amplified while unfamiliar emotions leave us unsure of how to cope.  Frustration, irritability, fear, impatience, and a myriad of other inner experiences will color our perceptions and challenge our resilience.   We may be increasingly irritable or grasping for control.  Our soul will bear much of the inner weight of a new journey.  We will need to find a way to lighten the load on our inner life.  In short, we will need to downsize our emotional baggage.
 
Unfortunately, we cannot discard unwanted emotions.  Emotions happen to us and bubble up from within the depths of our inner life.  They are part of us, not unlike our fingers and toes.  But we can recycle them.  We can use them to lighten with the load they place on our inner life.  We already have the tool for doing so?  It is called delight.
 
Delight refers to the capacity to find joy in something.  Joy fills our soul when we take delight in a conversation with a good friend.  Joy surrounds us we when find delight in learning a new skill.  Delight comes from a Latin word for being charmed.  In delight, our attention is held captive by something that brings us great pleasure.  It pushes aside the fears and worries and replaces them with joy.  Delight can be cultivated and harvested almost at will.  It will give us the energy we need to walk the path.  It replaces apprehension with anticipation, fear with curiosity, and weariness with greater focus.  Delight allows us to lighten the emotional baggage and open up our capacity for joy along the way to our next destination.

​Here are three ideas that may help you find delight in your new journey.
 
Find your energy – Get in touch with your soul.  It provides the energy that drives the human will.  Unfortunately, many are uncomfortable with the energy that bubbles-up with strong emotions, whether the emotions are welcomed or not.  Such energy can make us feel out of control.  Sadness bubbles up into tears which we hold back, afraid that once we start, we may not stop. However, the energy created by emotions causes us to act.  It helps the will assert itself.  When we are on a new journey, find the energy in your emotions.  It will help you shape your response to situations and personalities that come your way.
 
Shape your will – However, the will must be shaped by choosing your perceptions.  When a difficult situation occurs, we cannot control the emotional energy.  We can change the way it affects our will.  We can use fear to fight or flee, or we can use it to sharpen our senses and form another response that may serve us more effectively.  We cannot choose our emotions, but we can choose our perceptions.  By selecting what captures our attention, recovering appropriate memories, and constructively employing our imagination; we can use the emotional energy in our soul to shape the will to choose a path that leads to delight.
 
Make your choice – Nourish delight!  Unfortunately, delight is kind of like chocolate.  It is all too easy to chew and quickly swallow which only leaves us craving more.  Chocolate is better savored slowly, allowing it to melt in your mouth so that you can savor every layer of flavor.  Delight can be quickly enjoyed and then set aside as we look for something else to tickle our soul.  But when we have found delight in our new journey, do not rush forward.  Linger with that moment and allow it to fill your soul.  Savor each moment and remain focused on that which brought you delight.  Step back and enjoy that moment in your path and it will become an important milestone when the journey is complete.
 
New journeys are opportunities to rediscover and celebrate the person you are becoming.  Because they challenge the familiar and comfortable, they harbor new experiences within and beyond our selves.  May your journey fill you with delight as you find your way into a new inner and outer life.
 
Bob

Using Negative Emotions
 
Our Moods
 
Enjoying Delight
​

​Resilience is a good thing.  We all need to be able to bounce when we stumble and fall.  A little bounce helps us through disappointments, sudden changes, and surprises.  But there is Bouncing Resilience and then there is Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy!
 
During the Holiday season we are exposed to the three too’s.  TOO MUCH! TOO LITTLE! TOO LATE!  There is too much to do, too much to eat, too much to buy, and too much to cook, etc. etc.  But it is also a time for too little.  There is too little energy, too little money, too little time, etc. etc. etc.  All this boils down to too little too late.  We try and get everything done and discover that we stared too late in the year, too late in the month, and too late in the day. 
 
How do we respond?  Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy!  We careen through our chores, ricocheting off of one surprise after another.  The grocery store is out of our spouse’s favorite Christmas Candy.  Amazon just emailed you that your package would arrive after Christmas.  The butter comes up one stick short for your family’s favorite cookie recipe.  We bounce off one thing after another until all we do is react.  The closer we get to December 25th, the more our reactions become over-reactions.
 
We keep telling ourselves that all we need to do is focus.  We may remember the naïve wisdom of Dr. Charles Emerson Winchester as he lectured Hawkeye on how he planned to do meatball surgery.  “I do one thing very well and then I move on.”  The holidays, like the M.A.S.H operating room, seldom allows us the luxury of dealing with “one thing.”  We have to be able to focus on multiple tasks while constantly rearranging their priority according to the shifting needs. Focusing on multiple points is the source of a soul’s distress during the holidays, especially when the tasks intertwine and conflict with one another. 
 
Rather than focus, the one thing we need is often the thing that is in shortest supply.  We need a quiet space so that we can calm the soul.  Quiet can be very hard to come by during the holidays.  But quiet can still the chatter that is shouting in our soul.  It can quell the disappointments of missed deadlines and opportunities.  It can allow us space to step back and look at our needs with new, unbiased eyes.  Quiet, while rare during the holidays, is not impossible.
 
How can I quiet my soul so that I can enjoy the holidays?

​Classical Centering allows us to focus on what is most important and let go of the things that can wait.  Fr. Thomas Keating taught a form of Centering Prayer that allowed the soul to rest in the quiet mystery of God and be refreshed by the encounter.  Centering has been around for thousands of years.  Jesus sought a lonely place during a particularly difficult time in his ministry.  Buddha and Mohammed did the same.  Lao Tzu sought quiet to ponder that which cannot be pondered.  Native people have used spirit quests to re-center their lives.  Centering is nothing new, but it is easily dismissed when life gets complicated.
 
I suggest that when we find ourselves caught up in bouncy-bouncy-bouncy of the holidays, it is time to re-center ourselves.  By this I mean, re-center in ourselves.  We forget who we are, what we are, and what we want to be when we spend our time reacting and over-reacting.  In all the holiday doing we lose sight of being ourselves in this precious and fleeting moment in time.  By recovering the center, we are able to enter the chaos of the holidays with a calm and quiet soul that discerns the path “with heart” without being distractes by things that only appear to be meaningful in the moment.
 

1. Take a few moments at the beginning of the day and find yourself.  Do not focus on what you will be doing.  Rather, ask yourself; “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be today?”  Keep your answers simple and straightforward.  “I am Bob.  I want to be a kind person today.”   “I am my Mom’s daughter.  I want to be a loving and attentive mother to my family.”  These thoughts may change from day to day as you wake up to the new day ahead.
2. Spend some time sitting with these thoughts.  Allow them to become your mantra for the day.  Allow them to fill in the crevices and cracks in your expectations.  Allow them to sweeten your hopes.  Hold them firmly in your mind so that your soul can find them when you need them.
3. Begin your day by reciting these words.  Recall them when the surprises, changes, and disappointments threaten your inner quiet.  Let the words guide your soul and body throughout the day.
4. When the day has come to a close, remember the words and celebrate the little victories.  Forgive yourself for when you allowed the world to overrun your center.  Embrace the night’s rest you will need when you rise from your bed in the morning.

 
You will discover that your resilience will return as you lessen the pressure to perform a laundry list of tasks.   You will increase the joy you find in living out of your center as you move from one task to the another.  May you find that instead of TOO MUCH you find the blessing of having just enough to be who you want to be.
 
Blessings,
Bob

Resilience
 
Centering
 
Centering Prayer

​Life is about learning to make hard choices when we only have partial information and are unable to see into the future.  We may fear repeating past mistakes because of choices that did not turn out so well.  We may have grown up believing that we had poor judgment and could not be trusted with important decisions.  We may have an innate desire to stay low and keep our head down to avoid those who would criticize us.  We may want something so badly that we are afraid to mess it up with a bad choice.  Or we may not want to be bothered with hard stuff.  We would rather find the path of least resistance and get through our days with as little trouble as possible.  Unfortunately, those hard choices keep showing up anyway!
 
Our soul is an important player in our decision-making.  The soul includes both emotions and the will to act.  These emotions influence us before, during, and after a decision in made.  The will is all-important in whether we engage in decision-making and whether we will actually follow through once a decision is made.  Because the soul has such a pivotal role in making hard choices, we need to be able to care for it during and following the decision-making process.
 
It is generally believed that the soul is most effective in stillness.  The ancients taught the need for stepping back and disconnecting from the angst and uncertainty in life through meditation.  They understood that the emotions that flowed out of the soul could interfere with the mind and prevent it from effectively using reason, especially when the stakes were high.  While I believe this to be true, it is only part of story.  In difficult times, the stillness can serve as a deep reservoir of energy that we can use to get the mind through the decision-making process.  It also provides the initial energy we need to take those first steps after the decision has been made. 
 
Hard choices can trigger powerful emotions and challenge us to deal with them. We must learn to transform our anger into resolve, bitterness into courage, and revenge into purposefulness.  Raw emotions simply appear.  We have no control over their appearing or their intensity.  They are like a pain in the body.  They flare up and burn with a power that rises from the hidden depths of our humanity.  They serve as signals that something is not right.  They put us on alert that we need to pay attention to something that is out of kilter in our life.  We can, however, control how we respond to these flares of emotion. 
 
Painful emotions give us the energy we need to address the needs confronting us in the difficult decision.  These emotions can  “rev up” the mind to a deeper purpose than simple survival.  They can give us the courage we need to look beyond our well-worn paths.  They can bolster our resolve to face the challenges ahead.  This same resolve will serve us well when the decision is made, and we face a difficult time of implementation.  But we must first learn to still the waters within and allow the energy to accumulate without wasting it on flailing around in useless blaming, hand-wringing, and lashing out.
 
Our task in self-care for the soul is learning to maintain a stillness within even in the midst of the storm.  Our task is to learn to discipline our will to withstand the soul storms.

​How can we fill that reservoir in the stillness of the soul?
 
First, we must not take the challenge personally.  We cannot make more of the decision than it deserves.   It is not an ultimate battle.  Nor will it be our last battle.  Step back when you feel the reservoir being emptied by anger, blaming, and flailing.  Take one day at a time, nothing more, nothing less.  Be patient with the process.
 
Second, allow the energy to accumulate in the still pool of the self.  Do not waste it.  If you feel you have a bubbling cauldron of emotion threatening to erupt, spend some time in calm reflection.  Cool down the emotion by taking a break or engaging in a meditative practice that works for you.  Your soul is a vast reservoir of willpower that we can control and use to fulfill the goals that grow out of our decision-making.
 
Third, allow the energy to empower, not overwhelm, you.  A steam engine runs on small releases of energy contained in a chamber and then transferred to the wheels.  Allow the energy to escape in a managed and meaningful way.  Measure out your energy and make sure you have enough to get you over the hill.
 
As I suggested above, a primary way to do accomplish all of this is to maintain an inner stillness.  Meditation can allow you to bring calm to the cauldron without dissipating the energy.  Step-back.  Breathe.  Stay present to your yourself.  When the calm has been restored, rise and move forward with the process and implementation.
 
Use the energy generated by your emotions but keep your hand on the throttle.

Managing our Energy
 
Centering Prayer
 
Meditation
​

​In this series I have been looking at how we become homeless, ways that we can prevent it, as well as address what do when it happens.  This week I am exploring homelessness in the soul.  This type of homeless can best be understood with the phrase “a stranger in a strange land.”  Moses, who was raised in Egypt but fled to Midian as a refugee, used these words to describe his feeling after the birth of his son in that foreign land.  Robert Heinlein used the phrase as the title of a book that told the story of a human raised on Mars but who came to Earth and struggled to acclimate to life in the strange land of his ancestors. 
 
Both of these men experienced a sense of not belonging.  But it was more than unfamiliarity with the world around them.  They felt an estrangement from their inner self as they journeyed through a strange land.  This is the feeling that grows out of a homeless soul. 
 
How do we know we are homeless in our deepest self, our soul?  Here are some signs that we are a stranger to our own soul.
 
We surprise ourselves from time to time.  Flashes of emotion seem to come out of nowhere and we cannot explain or control them.   We take actions that, when called on them by others, make no sense to us.  We cannot explain why we say or do something that feels so out of character for who we believe ourselves to be. 
 
We have trouble making sense of our world.  It is as if we woke up in a different time place and time.  The people and events seem so foreign to us, even though we have not gone anywhere.  We feel uncertain about what is expected of us.  We fear saying or doing the wrong thing.
 
We realize that others see us differently than we see ourselves.  We see that people are acting strangely toward us as if we have a huge zit on our nose.  Or several people, independent of one another, suddenly start asking us about situations or events that we know nothing about.  We get the impression that the person they are seeing when looking at us is very different from the person we saw in the mirror that morning.
 
Another sign that we are feeling homeless in our soul occurs when we struggle with being alone.  The silence of aloneness is too much.  We need noise to drown out the lack of an inner relationship with ourselves.  We may wake in the middle of night and a deep loneliness seeps into our soul even though our soulmate is just an arm’s length away.  We ramp up the pace of the inner chatter just to prevent us from having to spend quality time with ourselves in quiet contemplation.
 
These are only three indications of a homeless soul.  Most folks go through moments such as these.  These moments can happen when we change locations, especially if the change involves a different culture and/or a new language.  But they also happen when we have changed.  We are not the same person we once were.  These changes may have happened so gradually that we did not notice.  One morning we may walk out our door and the changes reach a tipping point.   They finally breakthrough into our awareness. Suddenly our everyday world feels like a very strange land. 
 
It can also happen when we experience the Reunion Effect.  Imagine walking into your 35th High School Reunion and suddenly meeting a crowd of people that you once knew very well.  They knew you just as well. Suddenly they are strangers.  Every single one of them has aged by 35 years.  And you suddenly see that you have aged as well.  These people have become strangers even though you have known for most of your life.  Suddenly, you begin to feel like a stranger as well.  Not only have they moved on, but you have as well.
 
The homeless soul can be quite debilitating.  It can steal away our sense of security and cause us to go in search of the familiar that has been lost in time.  There really is no “going home again.” Once we leave home, our choices are to aimlessly wander or find a new home.  If we try and return, it will not feel like home. 
 
How can we deal with this homelessness of the soul?  Fortunately, human beings are very adaptable.  We have been successful as a species because we are able to make a home anywhere that provides the basics of life.  Our soul can help us adapt to new surroundings, new people, new cultures, new challenges.  But this requires that we are willing to get to know and accept ourselves as we grow and change.  The most tragic homeless soul is the care-free, reckless teenager long after she or he has entered or moved through their middle years.  To avoid this, we need to make “getting to know” and “accepting ourselves” as we change part of a daily lives.

​Addressing homelessness is not as simple as finding the right place in life and staying there.  Change is inevitable.  We will continue to grow.  Rather, we need to find a way to be “at home” with ourselves.   We are our only guaranteed, lifelong companion.  We need to stay in touch with the “me” inside the person we offer to the world.  We need to discover and learn to accept that “me” regardless of anything we do, earn, or deserve. 
 
Daily – Stay woke.  Keep your heart and mind open to who you are and what is happening within your soul.  You can journal, video journal, spend time in prayer, or sit in silence allowing the soul to drift in and out of focus.
 
Monthly – Spend time with friends and family.  Be attentive to the person they see in you.  Listen carefully.  They may or may not be right.  But, if you feel yourself resisting the person that several are seeing, you may want to spend some time with the possibility that they are seeing a you that is hidden from your own soul.  And then, if true, accept that person and find ways to live with them.
 
Yearly – A yearly retreat, either alone or with a group, can be a very meaningful way of taking stock and getting reacquainted with the person that has emerged in the last year.  Find a trusted companion or spiritual companion to help you design and experience that time of retreat and renewal.
 
At Significant Life Events – As you prepare to cross a significant life event, give yourself some time to sit and listen to the inner person that is responding to this event.  Get to know that inner voice and struggle to understand who they are.  As we start from graduate from high school and begin preparing for a career, “Who is this person talking in our head and heart?  What is this person doing and saying in the world?”  Ask these same questions as you become a parent or as you raise a child or teenager.   Return to them when you encounter success or failures in life.  These questions are especially important when you experience a deep grief due a significant loss through death of a child or companion or other big change.  As you approach retirement these questions can help you sort out the “new you” that is showing up more often in your life.  Lastly, if you have the opportunity to prepare for your own death, these questions can make it more likely that you will, in hospice thinking, die well.  (I will talk more about this next week.)
 
Coming home to our soul can transform the most empty and uncomfortable life.  When you find your way home you can be who you are without doing anything to prove, earn or deserve.  You can finally come home to yourself and be at home!
 
Blessings,
Bob
 

Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein
 
Coming Home to the Soul
 
Healing the Shame of Trauma by Soul Recovery
​

​Being soul stuck is, by far, more debilitating than being stuck in body or mind.   Soul stuckness can be as brief as a few moments or as long as a lifetime.  It can be a sadness that makes daily life difficult or it can completely paralyze our will to live.  It can steal away our joy or destroy our lives.  The soul become stuck when it stands in the way of our will to act.  In its most severe form it renders life a mere shadow by destroying our capacity for love and trust, joy and hope.  It erodes our faith and renders our relationships meaningless.
 
The soul and the emotions that bubble within it give us the energy to act.  Some emotions will empower us to act.  Others can absorb all the energy we need just to carry our emotional baggage.  We rely on this energy to engage our will and live our lives.  This energy can be  redirected against ourselves.  It can also be used up in fighting battles within our mind.  In either case,  it is unable to lead us beyond ourselves and into the world.  We become stuck.
 
This emotional baggage gets in the way of meaningful relationships, purposeful goals, life-giving hopes, and life-inspiring dreams.  In their place we experience a magnification of insecurities, fears, and uncertainties.  In time we may cease to feel anything at all.  We may feel nothing,  numb to our lives.
 
As a Hospice Chaplain I had the opportunity to walk with quite a few couples as they prepared for the death of a spouse.   With a few of the couples, when the death of the spouse occurred I could see the light go out in the eyes of the survivor.  I, along with the team, could predict that the remaining spouse would be gone within 6 months or a year.  I believe these people died of a broken heart.  This is the ultimate expression of soul stuckness.  Someone who had survived 80 or more years of changes succumbed when they became lost in their grief.
 
Because soul stuckness inevitably involved the paralysis of the will, it can be very difficult to overcome.  When it takes away the very will to live there is generally only one outcome.  Therefore it is imperative that we learn to cope with our soul stuckness before it occurs in such a lethal circumstance.
 
The following tip will help you deal with the lesser forms of soul stuckness and continue moving forward when your fears, failures, despairs, or emptiness threatens to freeze you in your tracks.  Learn to step back and listen.

​I always found it confusing that nearly every person I have ever accompanied through a difficult time knew what they needed to do.  It was seldom a lack of knowledge or skill.  They needed courage and/or permission to take care of themselves. 
 
As a young Pastor, I would address this by telling tell them what they needed to do.  I soon discovered that as long as it was my idea they could play “Yes but…” and avoid doing anything.  “You should see your doctor!”  “Yes, but it will take weeks to get an appointment.”  “You should talk to your friend!”  “Yes, but they do not answer my calls.”  “You should…”  “Yes, but …”  In time I learned that I needed to help them discover what they already knew and provide encouragement to follow through.
 
I would generally help them make this discovery by leading them to step back and listen to themselves.  I may suggest they pretend they have a friend who is feeling stuck and ask them to talk through what they might say to their friend.  Or, I may ask them to find some quiet time and just start writing everything they are feeling and doing about the situation.  I have also encouraged them to set it all aside for a week and then come back to it when the events that caused the stuckness are not so fresh in their minds.  Then I would engage them in listening to themselves.  Often, as long as they had enough energy to listen through the “fog in their souls” they would be able to not only see their options but pull forth enough energy to give them a try.  This is the essence of “Step Back and Listen.”
 
Step away from the emotions and engage your mind.  Then listen to what it has to say.  If this does not help you find enough energy to move forward, then I suggest you seek out a trusted companion or a professional to help you break out of your funk.
 
Soul stuckness can be quite serious.  Do not allow it to advance until you have been paralyzed.  Step back and find the strength you need to step out of yourself and into the world.

Getting Unstuck
 
Paralyzed by Uncertainty
 
Breaking Free

​When I was in school I dreamed about Summer all year long.  My friends and I would spend those long Summer days exploring the “woods” around our houses and hang out in the backyards of ours and neighbors houses.  It was a time for the joy of just being a child of the universe and our imaginations allowed us to explore every inch of it!  The one feeling that lingers from those long days of Summer was joy!
 
Joy is one of the lost treasures of childhood.  But this joy was not taken away from us by adulthood, it was given up under the misguided impression that we were trading it for happiness of a different, more grown-up kind.  I will grant that the joy of the child and the adult can be quite different in type, but it is quite similar in the consequences.  
 
Joy means experiencing great pleasure or happiness.  It provides us with the ability to look forward to our day.  It opens our eyes to wonder and our hearts to laughter.  It reveals a world that is more than responsibilities and routines.  It awakens our spirit to the unsought but nonetheless welcome surprises that come with exploring our world.  Joy reminds us that each day is a gift that cries out to be unwrapped.  Even the bows and ribbons invite us to playfully experience joy!
 
I hope that you will do your best to find Joy for the next few months.  If you have the opportunity to travel, allow joy to be your closest travel companion.  If you are unable to travel, invite joy into your home and allow it to introduce you to its friends; hope, surprise, wonder, and spontaneity.  When we were children we found joy in a child’s summer.  But now, as adults, may we find even greater joy in our grown-up summers.  May joy surround your days and fill your life this Summer.

​EnJoy  -- For the next few months draw pleasure or happiness from these days.  Drink in the joy of the sunshine and summer visitors.  Feast on the hours spent contemplating the stars at night and the clouds by day.  Breathe deeply from the gentle breeze that carries the very fragrance of Summer blooms.  Allow Summer joy to infuse your daily living and fill your soul.  But do not stop there.
 
InJoy  -- Allow that inner glow of pleasure or happiness to warm your memories.  Allow that joy to awaken the voices of family and friends whose voices have fallen silent.  Savor moments of remembrances that speak to who you are and the roots from which you grew.  Cherish the abundance of Summer joy as it carries you to that inner sanctuary where you rediscover all that is good about your life.  But do not linger even here, there is more you can do.
 
ReJoy  - Let that pleasure or happiness overflow into the people and places around you.    In doing so you with ReJoy your life and offer others the gift of joy as well.  Plant those flowers that the world may be filled with color.  Grow those vegetables that others may be sustained in their journey.  Smile with the stranger and awaken joy in their soul.  Give your family and friends the gift of time and attention as you share the precious gift of life and love.
 
EnJoy, InJoy, and ReJoy the pleasure and happiness of Summer!

Simple Tips to Enjoy Summer
 
A Few More Tips
 
An Unconventional Look at Joy Living