​For the last few weeks we have been exploring how we become disconnected from ourselves and our daily living.  Usually this is unintentional and just sort of happens over time.  But when it comes to being disconnected from our soul, the seat of our emotions and will, it is more likely to be intentional. 
 
Disconnecting from our feelings is one way that we cope.  This is choice we make either consciously or subconsciously.  It serves as a circuit breaker for the soul by protecting us from emotional overload. But, it also disconnects our will to act.  It is much like the voluntary or involuntary covering our ears when the sound becomes too loud or closing our eyes when the light is too bright.  We become blind and deaf to the beauty that only our soul can see and hear.  We become less capable of responding appropriately in our world.  We may simply stand frozen in the middle of our darkened, silent lives.
 
We may feel like we are not really here, like a disembodied spirit floating through life.  We may go about the motions of living, doing the routine, but not really living it.
 
This numbness may grow out of several situations.  It may accompany a time of depression or grief.  It can be a sign of PTSD or any other overwhelming anxiety.  It can also be a side effect of some medications, or simply a reaction to extreme stress.  Regardless of the origin, we become disconnected from our inner lives and frozen in our place, unable to move.
 
Such disconnections are very difficult to deal with on our own.  We have lost the power to will and therefore our numbness does not feel like a choice.  It feels like an outside intruder beyond our power.  We may truly believe we are a victim and helpless.  Usually, we can only become reconnected through the intervention of someone we trust, someone who we know cares for us.  
 
Being present, showing up, in our life requires that we stay connected to our Body, Mind, and soul.  And sometimes, when the disconnect is too strong we definitely need a little help from our friends.

​Get Moving – The Self-Care tip for being disconnected from our soul is perhaps the most difficult of all the tips I have offered.  It is very straight forward but difficult to do.  In order to reconnect with our inner most lives we need to Get Moving, both figuratively and literally. 
 
Literally, we need to push past our depression, isolation, sadness, anxiety, or whatever may be holding you in the moment.   Get up and physically move.  Walk around the house.  Walk around the yard.  Walk around the block.  Go to the park and just walk.  Physical activity pays big dividends in our soul. 
 
Figuratively, we need to get moving in our own inner life as well.  Make an inventory of friends who care about you.  Make a list of the blessings you enjoy.  Acknowledge your hurt but push past it to be able to acknowledge the resources and opportunities in your life.  Accept responsibility for each day and get yourself moving through it by taking care of your responsibilities and opportunities. 
 
It is easier to act our way into a new way of feeling than it is to feel our way into a new way of acting.  I repeat, it is easier to act your way into a new way of feeling than it is to feel your way into a new way of acting.  Work on your actions and your feelings will follow.
 
Find a Friend – Along with “Get Moving” find that friend who will help you.  You need someone who will listen as you talk your way through your feelings.  They can hold you accountable for the decisions you make by gently reminding you of the promises you made to yourself.  As you talk with your friend, accept your emotional state as a precious part of yourself and anticipate that it will have much to teach you.  Also, accept the love and grace of your companion who will give you the strength you need to get moving once again.
 
A word to the friend of one who is disconnected – Do not judge your friend.  They may not be victims, but this may be an involuntary way to cope with an overwhelming situation.  Your role is simple. Be their friend and help them find the energy they need to get moving.  Be gentle and firm in your love and care.

 
Being disconnected from our soul is among the most difficult circumstances we will ever encounter.  But, with a little help from a friend you will rediscover your inner life and will find love and trust, joy and hope emerging and growing in your daily life.  Please know that if you ever want anyone to talk to when you feel lost and alone, please contact me.  I will do my best to help you find what you need to live your life.

Emotional Numbing
 
Stop Numbing Out
 
Sitting with Your Feelings

​We are meaning makers.  We are most comfortable when we are able to find meaning in our lives so that our lives to make sense.
 
Victor Frankl was an Austrian Neurologist and Psychiatrist who was interned in Dachau during WWII.  He lost his Mother and Brother in Auschwitz and his Wife in Bergen-Belsen.  A keen observer of humanity, Frankl noticed that people responded to life in the Prison camps differently.  Some gave up while others did their best to survive.  From his own experience, he found that people who could answer the “why” of their lives found a way to survive.  Those whose lives were empty of meaning did not survive.  Many died of emptiness and despair.
 
His work highlights the role that meaning has in our lives.  The well-lived life has a purpose, a reason to get out of bed each morning.   We may get out of bed to feed and care for our family.  We may have a career or professional life to pursue.  We may find meaning and purpose in being a craftsman or artist.  We may rise to make our parents proud, or serve God, or build a better mousetrap.  These are not simply goals, they are life-long callings that help us piece together a lifetime.
 
Meaning allows us to tie our story together.  It helps us make sense out of the flotsam and jetsam of living.  It makes crammed calendars, sleepless nights, or endless meetings bearable.  If we can answer the “Why” question we are able to relax and enjoy the journey.
 
When we lose meaning in our lives, we become disconnected from our mind, the seat of memory and reasoning.    Each of us has moments when the “why” doesn’t exist.  Have you ever tried to put together a 2,000-piece jigsaw puzzle without a picture?  The pieces are all there but we do not know how they fit together.  We may have a general idea (a mountain scene) but beyond that, we are lost in the pieces scattered before us.  We may become filled with frustration and confusion.  Memory and reasoning are impaired.
 
Meaninglessness makes pain more distressing.  A meaningless struggle is more difficult to fight.  A meaningless task takes more energy to complete.  Meaninglessness can lead us to give up and slip beneath the waves because there is no point in treading water any longer.
 
The disconnect between ourselves and our mind caused by meaninglessness can be reversed.  The key is in re-discovering meaning for our lives. We can do so by finding the picture that will help us put the puzzle back together.  That picture is the mental image of who we are, our purpose for living.

​This exercise is best done with a journal, but you can also do it as a purely mental exercise. 
 
Take a few minutes to relax.  Take a few deep breaths and perhaps a glass of wine. 
 
Write your own eulogy.  Be sure and include where you are from, your family, your education, and significant experiences.  Then include your accomplishments as well as your hopes and dreams and how they might have changed over the years.  A list of people and experiences for whom you are grateful may be included next.  Finally, close the eulogy with statements that describe how you want to be remembered by your family, your friends, your co-workers, and your community.
 
Set this aside for a couple of days and then come back to it from time to time.   Make changes as they feel appropriate.  In doing so, you will keep the “picture” of yourself on the table as you piece together a life with meaning and purpose.

Victor Frankl
 
When Life Feels Meaningless…
 
The Power of a Life Story

​Passion and determination are admirable qualities.  The “git-r-done” attitude is part of the American character and is celebrated in popular culture.  We bestow high honors on those who have a “fire in the belly” for the common good.  We are told to pursue our passions with uncompromising commitment if we want to claim our share of the American Dream.   Unfortunately, we pay a very high price for this part of the American Character.
 
When we push this idea to the extreme we end up being disconnected from our own bodies.  This is “no pain, no gain” carried out to the greatest degree.  We push through not only our pain but through the suffering that grows out of it.  Pain tells us that our body has reached its threshold of efficiency.  Pushing just beyond that point allows the body to stretch and grow in strength and endurance.  When this is done a little at a time under a disciplined, well-monitored plan, we can do extraordinary things.  But, when the pain begins tearing away at our bodies, causing damage, it becomes suffering.  In order to continue pushing we must disconnect ourselves from the pain and the suffering it has caused.  This causes very real, long-term damage to our lives.
 
But, there is another devastating result of this disconnection.  As we become disconnected from our own suffering we also become disconnected from the suffering of others.  As we deny the physical consequences of our actions in our own bodies, we, in turn, deny the physical consequences for those around us.  By becoming insensitive to the suffering of others our capacity for empathy and understanding slips away.  We become less capable of responding to the suffering of others and our spirit withers as we descend into a Radical Individualist, devoid of a social conscience or commitment.  We become part of a self-destructive society.  Granted, this is the extreme scenario but, if we are honest, we can see evidence of this in our daily lives. 
 
This does not deny the value of disciplined, well-planned exercise or commitments to our passions.  But is does reflect an underlying current in our lives that places individual achievement, rather than the common good, as the final arbiter of value and worth.  Ultimately, this leads to increased suffering for ourselves and those with whom we live.

​Breathing air is not an individual event.  We all breathe the same air, literally.  How many times has the air in your lungs been inhaled and exhaled?  How many times has it been taken in and pushed out by the plants and animals that have inhabited the planet earth from the dawn of life? 
 
The ancients believed that the air we breathe is like the spirit that infused our bodies with life.  They noticed that when we ceased to breath we ceased to live.  The last exhale signified death.  Many of the ancient languages claimed the word for wind or air to describe and denote breath and spirit.  Each breath we take has been breathed by untold billions of plants and animals.  It connects us with one another in a profound way.  We are of one breath, one spirit, and it reminds us that we are alive and connected to all life that has ever existed.
 
With these ideas in your mind, I invite you to engage in a breathing exercise when you feel yourself being tempted to disconnect from your body.
 

• Find a quiet place and allow your mind and body to settle into a comfortable, upright position.
• Become aware of your breathing.  Listen for and focus on the breath as it is drawn into your body.  Allow the sensations of inhaling to claim your whole thoughts.
• Hold that breath for a few seconds and then release it slowly through your mouth.
• As you breathe in, repeat to yourself silently, “I am a living being.”
• As you hold the breath, repeat to yourself, “I am part of a living creation.”
• As you release your breath, repeat to yourself, “I share my life with all living things.”

 
By remembering our interdependence with others for the air we breathe we will find it easier to step back from the brink of self-destruction from being disconnected from our bodies and embrace our place in the living creation called life.

Beyond Pain
 
Pneuma – The Spirit
 
Breath and Life