Self-care is all about the self.  We are always the main character in this little drama of self-care.  The leading player is always me, myself, and I.  Self-care cannot be delegated to a spouse, friend, parent, or religious leader.  If it is to occur, we must be able to step-up and accept our role in taking care of ourselves.  In short, it means we must be accountable to ourselves for the health of our mind, body, and soul.
 
Accountability means we are answerable to someone.  In spiritual health, the first step toward accountability is to acknowledge that we need to answer to ourselves.  We need to accept responsibility for our actions.  If we are miserable we may not be the cause of this dis-ease but we are the only person who can change the situation.  We are responsible because we are the only person who has enough control to be able to respond.  We are answerable to ourselves for ourselves.
 
Many years ago I heard a presentation on Turtles and Skunks.  Turtles are folks who crawl inside their shells to avoid difficulty.  They tend to blame themselves for everything that happens.  Whereas, Skunks share every feeling they ever have with those around them.  They tend to blame their problems on everyone else.  All of us have a little turtle and a little skunk in our soul.  In Self-care, we need to be able to accept our inner turtle and our inner skunk. 
 
This means we must learn to recognize our “turtleness” and our “skunkness” for what it is.  And accept that while we cannot control the circumstances, we do have responsibility for how we respond to situations.  If we are unhappy or dissatisfied, we cannot blame it all on others.  Nor do we need to believe it is all our fault.  We can step away from our blaming.  We can change those things in our life that are within our realm of control.  And we can let go of what is outside of our control. 
 
Self-care is the on-going process of accepting responsibility for our own sense of joy/hope, love/trust in life.  It is being accountable to ourselves for changing the things we can and letting go of the things that are beyond our control.  May you find your character in your life’s play to be filled with great lines and wonderful co-stars!

Bob
 

Pay attention to your internal dialogue for a week.
 On your phone open a note and write “Turtle” and “Skunk” on it.  When you feel a blaming coming on, open the note and place a 1 under one or the other depending on whether you are turtling or skunking.  At the end of the week tally up the points. 
If your numbers are skewed toward one or the other you might want to check this out with a close, trusted friend.  Ask them if this sounds like you.  Listen carefully to their observations.  More often than not, they will see things more clearly than you can. 
 
Then spend some time with yourself and ask yourself why you might tend to be turtling or skunking more.  How does your blame game feed into any struggles you may be having?  How does your blaming keep you from accepting responsibility for your own joy and hope, love and trust? 
 
This exercise can help you learn something valuable about yourself.  If you learn well and accept responsibility for it, you may just discover a new you struggling to be born.

Accepting Personal Responsibility
 
Thoughts on Personal Responsibility 
 
How to Accept Responsibility for Yourself
 
Thoughts on Accepting Personal Responsibility

We are, by nature, doers.  We are what we do.  Many carry names that described what one of our ancestors did for a living.  Fisher, Smith, Taylor are all surnames that grew out of someone’s doing.  When asked to describe ourselves, most will start by giving our “doing” label like mother, mechanic, nurse, or student.

We know ourselves by our doing.  We use our mind to plan and organize our doing.  We then engage our body to do the doing.  We will spend the bulk of our day doing something.  We will use the largest portion of our energy doing this or that.  We work, play games, read, travel, or write.  The most common way that we get to know ourselves is by our doing!

However, if we only see ourselves as “doing of life” we can easily ignore the most unique and precious part of ourselves, our soul.  Our souls do not “do”, they “be.”  To ignore our being leads to an exhaustion that goes beyond words.  We do, and do, and do until we feel empty and worn out.  We drag ourselves to bed and collapse.  Our spiritual energy has been used up.  We feel drained.  This is especially true when our doing feels pointless. 

Doing requires energy and motivation.  As we become tired and the motivation ebbs, the doing becomes harder.  What we need is a break, a time to simply “be”.  To rest and renew.  To restore and recover our motivation.  To ignore this time of being is to drain the joy from our living and place ourselves on the edge of burnout. 

Take care of your soul.  Give it time to simply be.  Allow yourself the emotional space to step back from the doing and spend time with you without the need to do anything.  Give yourself permission to just be who you are and let your soul come out to play!

Bob

Today’s tip is the mini-vacation, a short period of time when you enjoy just being who you are without the need to do or achieve anything.  It is a time when you become mindful of who you are apart from all your activity.  It is an opportunity to get in touch with you.

There are several ways to take this vacation.  It may involve:

1)    Setting aside 10 – 15 minutes in your day.  This should be a time when you are least likely to be disturbed.  (I have known folks who hid in the closet after supper.)

2)    Find a comfortable sitting position with your head fully supported on your spinal column and your arms uncrossed.  You may sit in a chair or on the floor.

3)    Allow yourself to let go of all the things you have to do at the moment.  If you are really anxious about them, write them down on a slip of paper and put it in your pocket and then forget about them, for now.  If a thought comes up, acknowledge it and set it aside.

4)    Close your eyes and become accustomed to the inside of your eyelids.  Allow yourself to get lost in that world.

5)    Focus your attention on your breathing.  Follow the rhythm.  Feel the sensations that each breath makes in your mouth or nose.  Listen to its sound.  Imagine each exhale carrying a little bit of tension or concern with it as you release it into the air.

6)    Finally, focus your attention on the quiet that is rising within.  When an external sound intrudes, acknowledge it and let it go.  Do not do anything.  Focus on the silence with in.

7)    When you are ready, open your eyes slowly and allow the world back into your life.  Take a deep breath and exhale very slowly.  Savor the calm.

Again, there are multiple ways to take this mini-vacation.  Find what works best for you.  There are Apps for your phone that can assist you by providing music, nature sounds, and a timer.  However, the “how you do this” is not nearly as important as making the space for it in your life.  Make it fun and something you look forward to.  Enjoy the time you take to just be with yourself.  Enjoy the journey!

5 Mini Meditations

Mini Moments of Calm

Apps for Meditation

More Apps for Meditation

One of the ways that we get to know ourselves is through that uniquely human capacity called mind.  Successful self-care requires that we pay attention to and keep our mind healthy and active.  Just as the body requires exercise and regular feeding, our mind needs to be stretched and nurtured.

What sort of topics occupy your mind?  Day-to-day concerns?  Internal gossip?  Worry about the future?  Fretting over the past?  Day dreams that drift by like passing clouds?  Left unattended, these things will lull us into sleep-walking our way through life.  They will distract our curiosity about life and shield our mind to the wonder and mystery of each day.  We will become lost in the trees and never see the beauty of the forest. 

However, when we discipline ourselves to read or listen to music or watch movies, our mind engages with others outside of itself.  We learn new ideas that may challenge or confirm what we believe.  We meet new people and discover interesting discussion partners in the characters of the stories.  It can be fiction of non-fiction, popular or classical music, documentaries or motion pictures.  But, the more diverse our diet the more our mind will be fed.  Such exercise will help us to stay awake and find more joy in our daily journey.

Take care of your mind.  Let out so that it run in the fresh air of new ideas and experiences from time to time.  Feed it regularly with experiences that invoke awe and promote curiosity.  When you think you have things figured out, think again!

This week’s tip has to do with the inner voice that runs through your mind.  This voice may be one among many, or it could be the only voice you hear.  It offers comment on situations. It may propose options when choices must be made.  If it is one among several voices in your head, you can identify it as the most common and the one that sounds more like you.  Its vocabulary will be your usual words.  Its ideas will seldom surprise you.  It can be highly critical and extremely supporting.  Mostly, it sounds like you.

When you hear this voice, spend time with it.  Like a beloved friend, get to know it’s moods and personality.  Be gentle with it.  Give it the benefit of the doubt but feel free to stand firm when you feel it is leading you astray.  Acknowledge it as an important part of your life and learn to see your inner life through it’s stories and interactions with your world.

From time to time each day, step outside of yourself and listen to the voice with the ears of someone watching a movie.  Does the voice stay “in character” or is there something odd about it’s tone or content?  Does the voice seem to belong in the story or is it merely an narrator standing apart and aloof from the moment to moment action?

As you come to know and befriend your inner voice it will shed new light on who your are and your deepest hopes and dreams.  It will reacquaint you with yourself when you seem to have drifted far from your mooring.  It can lead you home when you feel stressed and broken on the rocky shores of day to day life.

Befriend your inner voice so that it can help you find the resilience you need when life gets “complicated.”  That voice can be your biggest ally and your best friend.

Recognizing your Inner Voice

Why Listen to My Inner Voice?

Listening to the Inner Voice

Our Body is an Old Friend.  It has been with us from the beginning. It has carried us through the good and the bad of life.  It wants only the best for us.  It talks to us constantly.  It tells us what is helpful and what is hurtful. Unfortunately, we just do not listen as often as we should.

We ignore the messages from our body at our own peril.  We tell ourselves to push through the pain until something snaps.  We disregard the light-headedness of low blood sugar until we pass out.  We do not let the years of accumulated stress convince us to change our lifestyle.  We convince ourselves that “mind over matter” is more important than listening to an “Old Friend” who only wants the best for us.

Our “Old Friend” tells us more than how the body is doing.  It can also let you know how your soul is doing.  That tight stomach just before your yearly review could be saying, “Relax!”  That hair-raising feeling on the back of your neck could be saying, “Keep your eyes open.  Some things not right!”  When we are distracted by details or lost in though, our feelings are often knowable only through how they affect on our body.  By listening carefully to the “Old Friend” our soul and mind can understand what is really going on with us.

Our “Old Friend” gives us the opportunity to do something about bad situations before that become “I told you so” moments.  Listen well!  It has much to teach the attentive mind and soul.    

This week’s tip is making a quick, Head-to-Toe Body check part of your daily routine.  At certain points during the day we check in with our scalp, face, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, stomach, back…. (I guess you get the picture!) 

Is there tension of comfort?  Is it warm or cool?  Is there pain or comfort?  Are you sweating or dry? 

When you find something unusual then make a mental note.  If you keep a journal you might want to write a brief note with the time of day.  This allows you to come back and see if it was just a passing thing or part of a pattern.  Such information becomes invaluable when you have one of those “Why am I so tired?” moments.  Your body has probably been warning you!

Take a few minutes for this Head-to-Toe Body check throughout the day.  (On waking – at Mid-Morning – during Lunch – at Mid-afternoon – after Supper – at Bath or Bed time) Ask your old friend how they feel.

When You stumble across some discomfort, acknowledge it and spend a few minutes with it.  If you can do something now, do it.  If not make a mental note to check back later.  If it persists, get it checked out.

Body is your only life-long companion.  We only get one.  It wants you to be healthy and happy.  Listen to it and take what it tells you seriously! 

http://www.unimedliving.com/self-care/the-way-to-self-care/your-body-tells-the-truth.html

http://www.chopra.com/ccl/love-your-body-nurturing-ways-to-approach-self-care

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14321/15-self-care-tips-for-anyone-who-works-too-much.html