In this series I have been looking at how we become homeless, ways that we can prevent it, as well as address what do when it happens. This week I am exploring homelessness in the soul. This type of homeless can best be understood with the phrase “a stranger in a strange land.” Moses, who was raised in Egypt but fled to Midian as a refugee, used these words to describe his feeling after the birth of his son in that foreign land. Robert Heinlein used the phrase as the title of a book that told the story of a human raised on Mars but who came to Earth and struggled to acclimate to life in the strange land of his ancestors.
Both of these men experienced a sense of not belonging. But it was more than unfamiliarity with the world around them. They felt an estrangement from their inner self as they journeyed through a strange land. This is the feeling that grows out of a homeless soul.
How do we know we are homeless in our deepest self, our soul? Here are some signs that we are a stranger to our own soul.
We surprise ourselves from time to time. Flashes of emotion seem to come out of nowhere and we cannot explain or control them. We take actions that, when called on them by others, make no sense to us. We cannot explain why we say or do something that feels so out of character for who we believe ourselves to be.
We have trouble making sense of our world. It is as if we woke up in a different time place and time. The people and events seem so foreign to us, even though we have not gone anywhere. We feel uncertain about what is expected of us. We fear saying or doing the wrong thing.
We realize that others see us differently than we see ourselves. We see that people are acting strangely toward us as if we have a huge zit on our nose. Or several people, independent of one another, suddenly start asking us about situations or events that we know nothing about. We get the impression that the person they are seeing when looking at us is very different from the person we saw in the mirror that morning.
Another sign that we are feeling homeless in our soul occurs when we struggle with being alone. The silence of aloneness is too much. We need noise to drown out the lack of an inner relationship with ourselves. We may wake in the middle of night and a deep loneliness seeps into our soul even though our soulmate is just an arm’s length away. We ramp up the pace of the inner chatter just to prevent us from having to spend quality time with ourselves in quiet contemplation.
These are only three indications of a homeless soul. Most folks go through moments such as these. These moments can happen when we change locations, especially if the change involves a different culture and/or a new language. But they also happen when we have changed. We are not the same person we once were. These changes may have happened so gradually that we did not notice. One morning we may walk out our door and the changes reach a tipping point. They finally breakthrough into our awareness. Suddenly our everyday world feels like a very strange land.
It can also happen when we experience the Reunion Effect. Imagine walking into your 35th High School Reunion and suddenly meeting a crowd of people that you once knew very well. They knew you just as well. Suddenly they are strangers. Every single one of them has aged by 35 years. And you suddenly see that you have aged as well. These people have become strangers even though you have known for most of your life. Suddenly, you begin to feel like a stranger as well. Not only have they moved on, but you have as well.
The homeless soul can be quite debilitating. It can steal away our sense of security and cause us to go in search of the familiar that has been lost in time. There really is no “going home again.” Once we leave home, our choices are to aimlessly wander or find a new home. If we try and return, it will not feel like home.
How can we deal with this homelessness of the soul? Fortunately, human beings are very adaptable. We have been successful as a species because we are able to make a home anywhere that provides the basics of life. Our soul can help us adapt to new surroundings, new people, new cultures, new challenges. But this requires that we are willing to get to know and accept ourselves as we grow and change. The most tragic homeless soul is the care-free, reckless teenager long after she or he has entered or moved through their middle years. To avoid this, we need to make “getting to know” and “accepting ourselves” as we change part of a daily lives.
Both of these men experienced a sense of not belonging. But it was more than unfamiliarity with the world around them. They felt an estrangement from their inner self as they journeyed through a strange land. This is the feeling that grows out of a homeless soul.
How do we know we are homeless in our deepest self, our soul? Here are some signs that we are a stranger to our own soul.
We surprise ourselves from time to time. Flashes of emotion seem to come out of nowhere and we cannot explain or control them. We take actions that, when called on them by others, make no sense to us. We cannot explain why we say or do something that feels so out of character for who we believe ourselves to be.
We have trouble making sense of our world. It is as if we woke up in a different time place and time. The people and events seem so foreign to us, even though we have not gone anywhere. We feel uncertain about what is expected of us. We fear saying or doing the wrong thing.
We realize that others see us differently than we see ourselves. We see that people are acting strangely toward us as if we have a huge zit on our nose. Or several people, independent of one another, suddenly start asking us about situations or events that we know nothing about. We get the impression that the person they are seeing when looking at us is very different from the person we saw in the mirror that morning.
Another sign that we are feeling homeless in our soul occurs when we struggle with being alone. The silence of aloneness is too much. We need noise to drown out the lack of an inner relationship with ourselves. We may wake in the middle of night and a deep loneliness seeps into our soul even though our soulmate is just an arm’s length away. We ramp up the pace of the inner chatter just to prevent us from having to spend quality time with ourselves in quiet contemplation.
These are only three indications of a homeless soul. Most folks go through moments such as these. These moments can happen when we change locations, especially if the change involves a different culture and/or a new language. But they also happen when we have changed. We are not the same person we once were. These changes may have happened so gradually that we did not notice. One morning we may walk out our door and the changes reach a tipping point. They finally breakthrough into our awareness. Suddenly our everyday world feels like a very strange land.
It can also happen when we experience the Reunion Effect. Imagine walking into your 35th High School Reunion and suddenly meeting a crowd of people that you once knew very well. They knew you just as well. Suddenly they are strangers. Every single one of them has aged by 35 years. And you suddenly see that you have aged as well. These people have become strangers even though you have known for most of your life. Suddenly, you begin to feel like a stranger as well. Not only have they moved on, but you have as well.
The homeless soul can be quite debilitating. It can steal away our sense of security and cause us to go in search of the familiar that has been lost in time. There really is no “going home again.” Once we leave home, our choices are to aimlessly wander or find a new home. If we try and return, it will not feel like home.
How can we deal with this homelessness of the soul? Fortunately, human beings are very adaptable. We have been successful as a species because we are able to make a home anywhere that provides the basics of life. Our soul can help us adapt to new surroundings, new people, new cultures, new challenges. But this requires that we are willing to get to know and accept ourselves as we grow and change. The most tragic homeless soul is the care-free, reckless teenager long after she or he has entered or moved through their middle years. To avoid this, we need to make “getting to know” and “accepting ourselves” as we change part of a daily lives.
Tip - Getting to Know and Accept Ourselves
Addressing homelessness is not as simple as finding the right place in life and staying there. Change is inevitable. We will continue to grow. Rather, we need to find a way to be “at home” with ourselves. We are our only guaranteed, lifelong companion. We need to stay in touch with the “me” inside the person we offer to the world. We need to discover and learn to accept that “me” regardless of anything we do, earn, or deserve.
Daily – Stay woke. Keep your heart and mind open to who you are and what is happening within your soul. You can journal, video journal, spend time in prayer, or sit in silence allowing the soul to drift in and out of focus.
Monthly – Spend time with friends and family. Be attentive to the person they see in you. Listen carefully. They may or may not be right. But, if you feel yourself resisting the person that several are seeing, you may want to spend some time with the possibility that they are seeing a you that is hidden from your own soul. And then, if true, accept that person and find ways to live with them.
Yearly – A yearly retreat, either alone or with a group, can be a very meaningful way of taking stock and getting reacquainted with the person that has emerged in the last year. Find a trusted companion or spiritual companion to help you design and experience that time of retreat and renewal.
At Significant Life Events – As you prepare to cross a significant life event, give yourself some time to sit and listen to the inner person that is responding to this event. Get to know that inner voice and struggle to understand who they are. As we start from graduate from high school and begin preparing for a career, “Who is this person talking in our head and heart? What is this person doing and saying in the world?” Ask these same questions as you become a parent or as you raise a child or teenager. Return to them when you encounter success or failures in life. These questions are especially important when you experience a deep grief due a significant loss through death of a child or companion or other big change. As you approach retirement these questions can help you sort out the “new you” that is showing up more often in your life. Lastly, if you have the opportunity to prepare for your own death, these questions can make it more likely that you will, in hospice thinking, die well. (I will talk more about this next week.)
Coming home to our soul can transform the most empty and uncomfortable life. When you find your way home you can be who you are without doing anything to prove, earn or deserve. You can finally come home to yourself and be at home!
Blessings,
Bob
Daily – Stay woke. Keep your heart and mind open to who you are and what is happening within your soul. You can journal, video journal, spend time in prayer, or sit in silence allowing the soul to drift in and out of focus.
Monthly – Spend time with friends and family. Be attentive to the person they see in you. Listen carefully. They may or may not be right. But, if you feel yourself resisting the person that several are seeing, you may want to spend some time with the possibility that they are seeing a you that is hidden from your own soul. And then, if true, accept that person and find ways to live with them.
Yearly – A yearly retreat, either alone or with a group, can be a very meaningful way of taking stock and getting reacquainted with the person that has emerged in the last year. Find a trusted companion or spiritual companion to help you design and experience that time of retreat and renewal.
At Significant Life Events – As you prepare to cross a significant life event, give yourself some time to sit and listen to the inner person that is responding to this event. Get to know that inner voice and struggle to understand who they are. As we start from graduate from high school and begin preparing for a career, “Who is this person talking in our head and heart? What is this person doing and saying in the world?” Ask these same questions as you become a parent or as you raise a child or teenager. Return to them when you encounter success or failures in life. These questions are especially important when you experience a deep grief due a significant loss through death of a child or companion or other big change. As you approach retirement these questions can help you sort out the “new you” that is showing up more often in your life. Lastly, if you have the opportunity to prepare for your own death, these questions can make it more likely that you will, in hospice thinking, die well. (I will talk more about this next week.)
Coming home to our soul can transform the most empty and uncomfortable life. When you find your way home you can be who you are without doing anything to prove, earn or deserve. You can finally come home to yourself and be at home!
Blessings,
Bob
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