A big part of our day-to-day living is sharing “inner space” with our friends and enemies. We make room in our thoughts and feelings for them. We think about them. We worry about them. We respond to them whether they are present or absent from our immediate presence. We carry feelings about them. We react to those feelings. All of this adds up to what some have called an “emotional investment” in them.
What is emotional investment? It reflects the extent of our soul’s involvement with them. We do not have an unlimited supply of emotional energy but being in relationships involves some level of emotional investment of the energy. Soul weariness occurs when the energy we invest has outweighed the energy we have gained from the relationship. When this energy gets used up, we wilt inside. Feelings become more difficult to manage. We lose our resilience. We may feel empty as despair overwhelms our joy and hope. Love and trust may fall victim to apathy as we let go of our healthy disciplines and relationships. Self-care of the soul among our friends and enemies is all about taking responsibility for our emotional investment in others and thereby managing the emotional energy we have to deal with the roller coaster of living in the here and now.
It is important to note that both enemies and friends come with an emotional investment. To the extent that we are vulnerable to our enemies’ attacks will determine how much investment we have in them. If we harbor a guilty conscience over an encounter with the enemy, we are more heavily invested in a relationship with them and any encounter with them will cost us more energy. If we reconcile with an enemy or learn to cope during our encounters with them, we may actually gain energy from the relationship. On the other hand, if we are crazy in love with someone, we will also have a deep emotional investment in them. If they hurt, we hurt. If they rejoice, we rejoice. In hurting we use energy. In rejoicing we gain energy. Good self-care is learning to deal with these relationships in such a way that we keep our energy high enough to maintain our soul health.
This is not easy. In fact, it is very difficult and even managing these relationships can cost us a great deal of emotional energy. This is why we all need to just take a break and enjoy some solitude. We need some time to break our dependence on and engagement with others. We need time to recoup and build a healthy relationship with ourselves. We can do this while alone or in a crowd, but there comes a time when we all need to step back and lean on our inner lives.
What is emotional investment? It reflects the extent of our soul’s involvement with them. We do not have an unlimited supply of emotional energy but being in relationships involves some level of emotional investment of the energy. Soul weariness occurs when the energy we invest has outweighed the energy we have gained from the relationship. When this energy gets used up, we wilt inside. Feelings become more difficult to manage. We lose our resilience. We may feel empty as despair overwhelms our joy and hope. Love and trust may fall victim to apathy as we let go of our healthy disciplines and relationships. Self-care of the soul among our friends and enemies is all about taking responsibility for our emotional investment in others and thereby managing the emotional energy we have to deal with the roller coaster of living in the here and now.
It is important to note that both enemies and friends come with an emotional investment. To the extent that we are vulnerable to our enemies’ attacks will determine how much investment we have in them. If we harbor a guilty conscience over an encounter with the enemy, we are more heavily invested in a relationship with them and any encounter with them will cost us more energy. If we reconcile with an enemy or learn to cope during our encounters with them, we may actually gain energy from the relationship. On the other hand, if we are crazy in love with someone, we will also have a deep emotional investment in them. If they hurt, we hurt. If they rejoice, we rejoice. In hurting we use energy. In rejoicing we gain energy. Good self-care is learning to deal with these relationships in such a way that we keep our energy high enough to maintain our soul health.
This is not easy. In fact, it is very difficult and even managing these relationships can cost us a great deal of emotional energy. This is why we all need to just take a break and enjoy some solitude. We need some time to break our dependence on and engagement with others. We need time to recoup and build a healthy relationship with ourselves. We can do this while alone or in a crowd, but there comes a time when we all need to step back and lean on our inner lives.
TIPS - Finding Solitude
What can I do to create some solitude in my life? (Be aware that being alone is not the same as solitude.)
Blessings,
Bob
- Find something else to redirect your attention away from other people. (Take a nature walk. Sit quietly and stare into a candle. Listen to music. Meditation, etc.)
- Redirect your inner conversation away from the world and focus on your personal needs, hopes, and dreams.
- Allow silence to overwhelm that inner voice and release any need to respond to thoughts or sensations by naming them and letting them go.
- Foster a stillness of body-mind-soul by listening to the sounds of the breath moving in and out of your life.
- Enjoy yourself!
Blessings,
Bob
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