Everyone goes through stressful times in the life.  There may be too much to do and too little time to do it.  There are days when we are asked to stretch and bend our lives beyond what we believe is possible.  During such times we simply do our best to survive.

Unfortunately, when the stressful time passes our soul is often very low in energy.  We have used up everything we have just to get by and now we find ourselves struggling to get out of bed.  In such moments we need to be on the lookout for one of three signs of a stressed soul.

The first is Soul Weariness.  When our soul is filled with weariness we find ourselves say, “I don’t care!”  We have trouble mustering the energy to deal with the stuff that comes up.  We may let a phone call go unreturned.  We may throw a frozen dinner in the microwave rather than cook a nourishing meal.  “Not caring” is seldom caused by laziness or a lack of concern.  In such moments we may feel guilty for taking the short-cut.  But we do it anyway.  We just don’t have the energy to do anything else.  Soul weariness can destroy lives and careers when it is not addressed.  When it gets to this level we call it burnout!

A second sign of soul stress is Soul Sadness.  It is not simply that we do not care, but a growing feeling that “It doesn’t matter.”  No matter what we do, it will not change the outcome.  We may even keep on doing what we are supposed to do but we put no energy into it.  We “go through the motions.”  As hope wanes, our sense of despair may grow.  Our ability to be engaged in our life in a meaningful way disappears.  We may feel that we would rather lay in bed and pull the covers over our head.  Soul Sadness does destroy lives.  When it gets into the most extreme range it is called depression.  It can then become a leading cause of suicide.

A third and final sign of soul stress is the Soulquake.  Like the name suggests, this occurs when frustration or anger, or envy trigger a seismic event in our soul.  It is usually a sudden outburst that surprises everyone involved, including ourselves.  It could be a lashing out at someone who just happened to be in the way, or a deep burning anger that will not go away.  It can also show itself as a panic attack when all we want to do is run and keep on running.  Soulquakes occur when the soul feels confounded and confused.  It will drain away the last remaining energy the spirit has and then explode.  These events destroy relationships and lives.  When it reaches its most extreme it can lead to violence against others and ourselves.

These signs of soul stress should not be ignored.   Very few who experience them move into burnout, depression or murderous rage.  But even in the lesser levels they lead to broken lives, broken hearts, and broken relationships.

A soul besieged by stress will find itself in trouble.  Sometimes it forces us into an unintentional time of rest in a hospital or on the unemployment line.  But there is a better way.  It begins by dealing with it when you first notice the signs.

The ancient wisdom for addressing soul stress is simply “stillness.”  This is a stillness of mind, body, and soul.  Such stillness allows the energy to flow back into our spirit rather than being burned up in worry, empty busyness, and anxiety.  It breaks the cycle that causes soul stress to spiral down into the more serious experiences of burnout, depression, and violence.  There are three simple steps to developing a discipline for stillness.

Step One – Plug the Leak.  Try to get out of the environment that is causing you to dwell on the source of your stress.  This may mean breaking a routine or finding a quiet place in your home or neighborhood.  One of the people I assisted put a light in a large closet and put a sign of the door that read “Occupied!”  It became her retreat.  Others may find a quiet spot in a park or spot on the beach.  It is important to plug the leaking energy that the soul stress is draining away.  This will allow your soul to use that energy to bring healing.

Step Two – Quiet the Body and Mind.  Many will tell me that they have to be active to relax.  I can appreciate their belief.  I to do not sit still very well either.  But to adequately address the soul weariness, stillness of mind and body allows the soul to draw upon all the energy it has available.  To cope with negative thoughts, the soul needs all the energy it can muster to allow hope to blossom.  To cope with anger and bitterness, the soul needs a great deal of energy to be able explore the positive feelings that are being starved.  Some may use meditation.  Others may us a contemplative practice.  But if you can find a place apart from the source of stress and bring quiet to your mind and body, your soul will begin to heal itself.

Step Three – Allow the Soul to Heal – In those moments, the soul will begin to rebuild lost connections between your yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  It will refill the reserves of love and trust.  It will begin to restore your ability to experience joy and feel hope.  You will begin to feel like yourself once again. 

It is better to do this for 15 - 30 minutes a day than it is to put it off until you can take a day or a week.  Stillness is a skill that is learned by disciplined practice.  So that, when you find yourself experiencing soul stress, your mind-body-soul will know what to do to renew your spirit.

Chronic Stress

Paths to Stillness

Seeking Stillness

When we discover that we are under stress, our mind focuses on the immediate threat.  It shuts out thoughts that are not essential to the task of either fighting or fleeing the threat.  It may look for weapons to use or avenues of escape.  This is a “hard-wired” response to a perceived threat and it serves us well in those moments.

However, when we find ourselves not being able to let go of the stress after the threat has passed, this “single-mindedness” no longer serves us well.  By continuing to feel the fear of the threat or worry that it will return, our mind stays locked in the pattern of looking for threats, weapons, or avenues of escape.  Chronic stress leads us into what AA calls, Stinkin’ Thinkin’.

A person who was bitten by a dog as a child may harbor lingering feelings of resentment against all dogs.  That resentment and fear served them well immediately following the bite.  Unfortunately, if the fear continues to linger they may develop a belief that all dogs are dangerous.  This is stinkin’ thinkin’.  When they meet up with a dog they may not make appropriate choices because of their ST.  These beliefs can grow out of extraordinary events, like accidents or abuse.  

These thoughts can also grow out ordinary events.  But they do so only when we attach more significance to the event than it deserves.  A person may be laid off from a job they have dreamed about for years.  If they make more of the lay off than a mere budgetary adjustment, they may start to believe that there is something wrong with them.  This can cascade into a torrent of negative thoughts that defeat and discourage them for a lifetime.   Chronic stress, when left unattended, can destroy our love and trust, joy and hope.

Good self-care demands that we become wary of generalized beliefs that grow out of negative experiences.  We can do this by paying attention to the emotions that the event evokes and allow them to dissipate when the threat wanes.  If we find ourselves worrying about the event happening again or fretting over how we responded when it did happen, then we may be experiencing chronic stress.  We may be a victim of stinkin’ thinkin’.  We are well-advised to talk this experience over with a professional and find ways to deal with the “left over” feelings and thoughts.  A mind is a terrible thing to stress.

One of the most powerful tools we have in combatting the fear and anxiety of stress is gratitude.  Gratitude is simply an attitude that accepts that we are gifted with moments of undeserved grace.  When such moments occur we have the opportunity to either ignore them or allow them to redirect our mind away from our fears and worry.  They can remind us that life is more than the hurts and disappointments we experience.  They remind us that life is, as Forrest Gump said, “a box of chocolates…”  Gratitude, when practiced consistently during times of stress or unstress, can help us to avoid the stinkin’ thinkin’ of “coulda’ - shoulda’ - woulda’” or “Always… or Never….”.

Gratitude is very easy.  When something good happens to you, simply say “Thank you!”  You can either say it to the person who offered you the gift or to yourself quietly under your breath.  Gratitude reminds us that there is good in the world and we receive it every day.  It helps us to lay aside our anger or fear for a moment and see beyond pain they cause.

By opening our eyes to the gifts that come our way, we lighten the load of stress just a bit and find it easier to lay aside our worry and fear when the threat that caused the stress disappears.

Two little words can change the course of your day.  Just say “Thank you!”

Stress and the mind

Gratitude

Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Stress is a result of the human spirit addressing unwanted situations for which it feels unprepared. It engages the whole human spirit, body-mind-soul.  Over the next few weeks we will be exploring stress and discover many ways that we can deal with it. 

Stress has both short-term and long term effects upon the body.

In the short-term, stress prepares the body to respond to a perceived threat.  It will prepare the body to fight or flee.  It constricts the peripheral blood supply, forcing the blood to the muscles and inner organs where it is available for energy and quick re-oxygenation.  This may make our hands and feet feel cold while our face may flush.  Stress causes the adrenal glands to release adrenaline and cortisol that makes more energy available for the muscles and causes heightened awareness of the senses.  Our blood pressure rises and our liver pushes extra glucose into the blood.  It also slows down the digestive system which may lead to a sour stomach if we are still processing a meal.  Stress may stimulates the immune system to help stave off infection and inflammation from injuries.  All of these are helpful to address the source of the stress, in the short-term.

But, in the long-term, these can become very harmful to the body.  If the stress continues after the event concludes, the body continues to maintain its fight of flight status.  The stress levels remain high if we continue to worry about the event or dread future events.  By allowing the fear that was generated by the event to continue to bubble in our spirit, the physical effects continue.  Our body keeps pumping the hormones and continue to enjoy the “adrenalin high.”

Chronic stress can be a major contributor to headaches, insomnia, overeating, drug abuse, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and Type II Diabetes.  Cortisol can, over time, suppress the immune system and cause existing ulcers to flare-up, inhibit immunity to virus infections, and slow our capacity to heal after an illness or injury.  It has been suggested that chronic stress can suppress our resistance to allergens and increase our allergic reactions.  Stress, while helpful in the short-term, has devastating effects on the human body over the long term.

While we have limited control over when and how we experience stress in the short-term, we have a great deal of control over how we deal with the long-term effects.  Good self-care recognizes when we are stressed and offers us ways avoid stress as a “way of life.”

There are three primary ways that we can deal with the effects of stress on our body; exercise, rest, and eating well.

Exercise
Stress prepares the body to physically react.  In modern life, we seldom have the opportunity to burn the extra energy that stress provides.  It continues to bubble beneath the surface.  When this extra energy makes it impossible for us to relax, we need to get up and use our large muscles.  Walk it off.  Take a run if you are accustomed to running.  Go for a swim or an extra session at the gym. Exercise allows the body use up the extra energy generated by the stress response.

Rest
But, exercise can also enhance the stress response.  When we exercise beyond the point of being tired, the stress response may kick back in.  This is the well-known “Runner’s High” of the marathoner.  Therefore, when we feel our legs becoming heavy or our body becoming fatigued, it is time for a cool down.  We need to transition into a period of rest.  This allows the cardiovascular, digestive, nervous, and endocrine systems to return to normal levels.  The effects of the stress will begin to wane.

Eating Well
The last tip for managing the effects of physical stress is to eat well.  Eating well means balancing a diet with high-fiber complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables, along with low-fat sources of protein.  Many dieticians recommend that those suffering chronic stress should avoid high-fat foods, caffeine, and refined sugars.  These foods enhance the physical effects of chronic stress and cause more damage to the body.  Eating well will reduce the urge to binge eating on fatty, sweetened, and caffeinated foods when we are stressed.

When you find yourself unable to sleep because of worry or stressing over minor issues throughout the day, you can do three things.  Take a walk then take a few minutes to relax while you eat an apple or other piece of fruit.  By dissipating the energy in the short-term you will more likely be able to reduce the chronic stress that can literally steal your life from you.

Mayo Clinic and the Basics of Stress

WebMD and Stress and the Body

Women and the Physical Effects of Stress

Men and the Physical Effects of Stress

Have you ever been responsible for filling the balloons at parties?  Whether we are blowing them up by mouth or using a helium bottle, most of us become quite uneasy as the balloon fills.  We know that if we put too much in, the balloon will become more likely to POP.  But, too little and the balloon just looks sad!  And so we carefully puff a few more breaths in and hope it doesn’t blow up in our face!

Few folks realize that we all face the same problem when we begin to fill up our lives with anxiety, worry, responsibilities, and feelings of frustration and despair.  All of these “stressors” fill our spirits like air in a balloon.  And when we put too much in, POP! 

Have you every just exploded at someone and you have no idea why?  Have you ever gotten home and just blown up at the dog for wanting to go for a walk?  Have you ever felt the need to just run away and not come back?  These are spirit explosions when our mind-body-soul has had more than enough.  We can no longer cope and the energy burst through and into (and onto) those around us.  That build-up of energy in our mind-body-soul is called stress, and it is the main reason we all need to be skillful at self-care.

I know, I know.  You are not stressed, you’re just busy!  You can handle this.  Once you blow up, you feel better.  Besides, everyone has stress.  What’s the big deal?

Unfortunately, stress is insidious.  It slips up on us.  The more skilled we are at coping, the more stress we will carry until it explodes into our lives and relationships.  Stress affects the mind, the body, and the soul.  Studies have suggested that stress shortens our lives and erodes the quality of our daily living.  Stress changes relationships with ourselves, our families, our co-workers, and our friends.

Over the next few weeks, the Self-Care Notes will talk about how stress weighs upon our lives.  We will learn to identify when we are stressed.  We will discover ways to address it before it builds up to dangerous levels.  Be afraid of the POP.  It is unnecessary when we take the time to do good self-care!

Bob

(From Psychology Today  (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/201010/are-you-stressed-out-take-the-quiz))

Are you feeling stressed out? If so, you’re not alone. The quiz below will help you assess your own stress levels.  Start by noting all of the items that apply to you.

·      I find myself less eager to go back to work or to resume my chores after a weekend.  

·      I feel less and less patient and/or sympathetic listening to other people’s problems.  

·      I ask more “closed-ended questions to discourage dialogue with friends and co-workers than “open-ended” ones to encourage it.

·      I try to get away from people as soon as I can.

·      My dedication to work, exercise, diet, and friendships is waning.

·      I am falling further behind in many of the responsibilities in my life.

·      I am losing my sense of humor.

·      I find it more and more difficult to see people socially.

·      I feel tired most of the time.

·      I don’t seem to have much fun anymore.

·      I feel trapped.

·      I know what will make me feel better, but I just can’t push myself to do it and I’ll “Yes, but” any suggestions that people make.

Now, add up the number of items you noted, and check your score below:

0 to 3: More exhausted than stressed out

4 to 6: Beginning to stress out

7 to 9: Possibly stressed out

10 to 12: Probably stressed out

Remember, stress is a dangerous companion in your life.  Keep tabs on it and relieve it before it takes your life from you.

General Information about Stress

How Is Stress Creeping Up on You?

Women and Stress Symptoms

Men and Stress

This week we are exploring the importance of discipline in self-care.  This can be an uncomfortable topic.  It reminds us that we have to do spiritually healthy practices.  That little word “do” can be a big pain in the patooty!  We must do things consistently over time if we are going to develop the good habits that help us to be healthy in mind, body, and soul. 

We develop some very unhealthy habits in our body, mind, and soul.  Those of us who habitually eat unhealthily and ignore regular exercise pay the price in our body.  Those of us who habitually “beat ourselves up” with regrets or “pump up” our ego with false humility do great damage to our souls.  Those who refuse to learn and think for themselves handicap their mind.  These habits have developed over time and few of us intended to be in the shape we are in.  We may not believe it is possible to be any other way.  And when we hear that we have to discipline our ourselves into doing things that may not be comfortable, we may give up on self-care entirely and just let “nature” take its course.

But good self-care is very much like learning to drive a car, especially a standard shift.  It takes practice.  The mind has to be able to remember all the rules and make decisions based on the situation.  At the same time, the body has to be aware of all the things around the car, monitoring the gauges while pushing on the right pedal at the right time, and turning the steering wheel to stay on the road.  All of this has to be done while our soul is screaming, “Don’t kill us!” or “Be careful and don’t scratch the car.”  

But when we practice driving, our mind learns to focus on what it needs to at the moment.  Practice helps the eyes know where to look and the foot to understand how much pressure to apply.  Practice helps the soul to calm down and “enjoy the ride.”  It requires a great deal of disciplined practice to develop the muscle memory, the mind memory, and the soul memory to drive well.  The same can be said for self-care.  If we develop the discipline to practice it well, we will develop a memory in our mind, body, and soul that allows us to live well.

All of the tips that you will read about each week are intended to help your mind, body, or soul learn a new way of healthier living.  They may help your mind discover and hold on to insights that resist negative thoughts about yourself or the world.   They may help your body become better at relaxing and letting go of the tension that erodes your joy.  They may assist your soul in developing the inner eye of gratitude so that find youself surrounded by beauty and blessings of all kinds.

A disciplined approach to Self-Care allows us to reduce our anxiety and provide room for patience to grow.  It reminds us that catastrophes seldom happen so that we can develop more resilience to our disappointments. Practiced discipline calms our soul and allows us to resist the stress that comes with a “fight or flight” response.

I invite you to develop a disciplined approach to your self-care.  Do what needs to be done, even if the benefits are not felt immediately.  Stay with it and soon you will discover that you can not only “drive well” but may actually start “enjoying the ride!”

Bob

The tip for this week is a simple but very powerful way of developing discipline in your self-care.  If you own an iPhone download the iPause App.  If you own an Android download the Finger Labyrinth HD App,  (There are links to both in the FYI section.)

These Apps provide you with a choice of labyrinths that you can trace with your finger.  Like the very ancient practice of walking a Labyrinth, this helps our mind to still the inner chatter and the body to find some quiet time.  By using this app throughout the day, you will be able to develop a sense of the power of discipline to amplify the effects of the activity.  It will become easier to find that quiet moment as you become more practiced at tracing the labyrinth. 

It, like most other exercises, will help you discover that even small changes can reap great benefits when done in a consistent and disciplined manner.  After you do this a few times you will be tempted to forget about it. I urge you to STAY WITH IT.  Resist the temptation to lay it aside.  Within a week you will begin to feel the effects as they accumulate.  You should feel it easier to become more centered and focused.  You should begin to get a glimmer of the strength of the practiced, firm but gentle hand as you apply yourself to self-care.

Enjoy!

Get the iPause App

Get the Finger Labyrinth HD (Android)

Wikipedia on The Labyrinth

The Importance of Discipline in Life