But, from time to time, we run into a situation that feels like a mighty mental headwind that threatens to topple our sails. We find ourselves unable to make any headway. The more we think about the problem, the less we understand. The deeper we go into the problem, the murkier our thinking becomes. Currents and cross currents of thoughts and observations confound our progress. Anger, frustration, blaming, and pity begin to grow in our soul.
Our training teaches us that every problem has a solution. Our life experience tells us that patience has a way of resolving our challenges. Life coaches tell us to persevere because we only lose when we give up. But I want to suggest that these may not be your best options for self-care when facing the mental headwinds of life.
Sometimes, these headwinds feel a lot like confusion, when beliefs and reality do not fit together. Such as “Work harder and you will make more money.” or “Always do your best and you will succeed.” We may discover that we have confused our beliefs with facts. Our new circumstances may show our beliefs to be mere assumptions about the real world and not reality themselves. Perseverance, patience, and training will not make the confusion go away.
Sometimes we are stymied when our minds are overwhelmed by remembering. We want to get past a challenge but we have this continuous loop of memories rolling in our mind. These memories create a log jam and, until they are cleared, we will get nowhere. Again, no amount of perseverance, patience, or training will clear those memories.
Another headwind that holds us back is the non sequitur, when what I want and what is possible do not follow. It is not so much that “we can’t get there from here” as “the only road is closed.” Our desires outstrip our reality. We can persevere, be exceedingly patient, and get all the training available and yet it can remain just as impossible. “Hustle” does not guarantee success.
And sometimes we encounter the most difficult mental headwind or all, we have arrived at the wrong answer. 1 + 1 will never equal 6. Such headwinds require that we face the fact that we are flat out wrong! Perseverance, patience, and training will not change that fact. Resistance is futile. At the end of the day we will still be wrong.
When facing the mental headwinds our first response it to double down, try harder, wait it out, and learn more. But for these particular headwinds, we will only experience greater frustration and spiritual dis-ease. Self-care suggests dealing with them differently.
TIPS
Trim your Sails to Reduce the Drag – This is nothing more than simplifying the process. Am I trying to do or say too much? Sometimes we have contaminated the process with extraneous stuff like defending our ego or overcoming a failure from our past. Let go of your need for a particular outcome and allow the problem to lead you where it chooses. Sometimes we not only want to succeed, we want to prove something along the way. Letting go of the latter makes the former much easier.
Chart a New Course - Accept the answer, or lack thereof, and move on. Once we have identified the headwind and trimmed our sails, we need to decide on the next step. Change direction and do our best, recognizing that this does not guarantee that we will have clear sailing ahead.
Self-Care when facing mental challenges become vital. Without it anger, frustration, shame, guilt, and all manner of things can steal your joy and hope as well as make love and trust more difficult. Take care of yourself and sail on.