​Youth convinces us that we are physically invincible.  Illness and disease are nothing more than occasional inconveniences.  Thus, we use and abuse our bodies because we believe that they are resilient.  Many will carry this mythology of invincibility into middle age.  We may even pride ourselves on how much punishment our body can take.  Unfortunately, one of the major lessons of maturity is recognizing that all choices have consequences and this is especially true when we are dealing with our physical bodies.
 
Riding the Tiger means that we are totally focused on dealing with our immediate needs.  The essence of this experience is that we are unable to look ahead or reflect on what has already occurred.  We are unable to see the damage we have done or are doing to ourselves.  We may ignore the pain because we are just trying to hold on.  We do not treat the injuries because we are too engaged in “git-r-done” thinking.  Negative consequences accumulate and soon they may overwhelm us.  We may believe we are invincible, but our bodies know differently.
 
The false sense of invincibility increases our risk of physical accident or injury.  Risk-taking may be necessary but is advisable only when it is accompanied by well-informed and reasoned choices.  Skipping meals and pushing beyond the limits will have bad results.  Bad habits (smoking, alcohol or drug abuse) will destroy our health.  Ignoring those chest pains or moles that are changing shape will lead to sickness and death.  They are not worth the risk.
 
Invincibility also increases our vulnerability to infections.  One of the substances our body produces when under stress is cortisol.  According to many researchers, cortisol suppresses the immune system.  Infections gain a foot hold and can overwhelm our natural defenses.  This is why we often become physically ill after a long period of stressful tiger riding.  The body finally has a chance to fight back.  That fighting back is called illness.
 
Invincibility also limits our capacity for creative responses.  We do not feel we have the time to work out new solutions so we stick with tried and true behaviors.  We Keep doing what we have always done.  Unfortunately, as we age, our bodies do change and what may have worked well for us at 20 may not be so helpful at 40.  When we are 20, we may be able to function on 3-4 hours of sleep at night.  At age 20 we could pull an all-nighter studying for exams fueled by pizza and beer.  At 20, we may be able to shake off that “cold” with extra Vitamin C.  But these may not be so successful at 40.  When riding the tiger, new circumstances require new responses to avoid the same old consequences.  Changing (aging) bodies always create new circumstances.
 
Riding the Tiger has physical consequences whether we acknowledge them or not.  We do not have to believe them for them to be real.  Consequences for our choices will come and if we choose poorly, we will pay for them with illness, injury, disability, or even death.  Physical Self-Care while riding the tiger is essential.

​I have three tips for dealing with the physical consequences of tiger riding.
 
First, Pay Attention to Your Body.  Be aware of changes in your body.  This may include noticing changes in eating, “routine” aches or pains, or daily patterns of sleep and digestion.  It is also important to get regular medical check-ups to discover the hidden changes in our body. 
 
Second, Accept you Vulnerabilities.  If it hurts, don’t do it!  If it is causing you harm, don’t do it.  We all have physical limitations.  We may have diabetes, heart problems, asthma, or other less serious limitations.  Some people do well on 4-6 hours of sleep while others need 7-9.  For some, wounds heal quickly.  For others, it may take longer.  When riding the tiger, keep in mind these limitations and accept that they indicate that you may be more vulnerable under certain circumstances.  Know your limitations and do not ignore them.
 
Lastly, Turn Off the Autopilot.  Accept responsibility for every choice by taking change as a reality.  Every tiger is different.  We are different every time we find ourselves on a tiger.  By simply doing what we have always done, we are shirking our responsibility and making ourselves a victim of our past choices.  Being vulnerable in a changing body can be very frustrating, especially when we are trying to not fall off.  But easing that frustration with autopilot is not worth the consequences to your physical health. 
 
Take care of your body before and during your tiger trips through life.  We only get one body and it deserves our care and concern.

Signs that we are Listening to our Body
 
Stress and the Immune system
 
Accepting Responsibility for Ourselves

​For the next few weeks we will explore ways to care of ourselves from the back of a “Tiger.”  This happens when we find ourselves being carried through a tangled “jungle” on the back of a life that is dealing with too much with too little time available.  Did I mention that there is no easy way to get off?  Riding the Tiger is not a choice! It is an involuntary situation that we may find ourselves in from time to time.
 
There is no time to breathe, no time to rest, no time for self-care, and no time for the things we want.  I have heard these times described as “putting out brush fires” or “wrestling with eels.”  They are those times when our nose is “just above the water line” and we pray that there are no waves.  These times feel inevitable and uncontrollable.  We feel like victims of circumstance and our only choice is to keep riding or risk falling off.
 
This is living beyond simply being busy.  Everything demands our attention.  Everything is of vital importance.  The many demands may even be interconnected.  The boss is demanding that the project must be wrapped up in the next week.  Our daughter is applying for college and needs to be taken to the campus for a final interview.  We do not have quite enough money for her tuition and need to earn the bonus that will come from the project.  Our Doctor calls and needs us to come in for an exam for a suspicious growth.  And lastly, our sole means of transportation decides to breakdown.  We are a single parent and sole breadwinner.  The tiger is running at full speed as we hold on tightly, hoping for the best.
 
How do we take care of ourselves when we are riding the tiger?

​Our first tip is to simply to make a reality check.
 
Tiger-riding anxiety is perfectly natural.   It can clog our “reality filters.”  Just as stress narrows our ability to see the big picture, life from the back of tiger tends to focus on that next branch in view or holding on after an unanticipated leap. 
 
But, in those brief moments between branches and leaps, ask yourself the “What if…” questions.  What if I did not meet the deadline?  Would my boss really fire me?  What if my daughter had to sit out a semester? 
 
After the “What if…” questions, ask yourself “What is most important?”  What is more important?  Health?  getting the car fixed?  Money for college?  Getting your Daughter enrolled?  Keeping this job?  Most of the time, these two reality questions will help you see that you are not really on the back of a tiger.  It may be a bobcat or a house cat.  You may have a lot more choices than appear at the moment.  This reduces the anxiety and makes the ride bearable.
 
However, if the reality is that you are on a tiger, rest assured, you can still take care of yourself.  We will explore these in the next three weeks.

Before you Lose Control
 
When Life is Out of Control
 
Understanding Your Control Issues – a self-test

​Aloneness is a part of the human experience.  In fact, it is a very valuable part of our lives.  It offers us a great opportunity for self-care. 
 
In our “alone times” we can get to know the person who has been with us from the beginning.  In aloneness, we can sort out the stuff that is purely for public consumption and see ourselves for who and what we are.  Without an audience, we can take off the mask and wig, strip down to our bear being and sit in the sunshine of the moment.  We can learn about ourselves; how we have grown and evolved over the years.  We can come to know and enjoy who we have become.
 
This can be an awakening to our lives.  It is an essential part of growing into the fullness of life.  Many people are very fearful of making this journey because of the risk that it offers to their self-concept.  However, without the journey we are trapped in our public self, while disregarding the private self.  We need an audience to confirm that we are playing our character correctly.  We rely on the public smile to hide the sadness within.  We pray the make-up will make the flaws in our lives disappear.  But aloneness (without loneliness) leads to an awakening, we can step off the stage and retire to the dressing room. There we rediscover the beautiful person that exists under the make-up and costumes.  We do not have to hide our flaws or peculiarities.  We can recognize and celebrate our uniqueness.  We wake up to ourselves.  We can now relax into our lives, free from fear, shame, or despair.
 
After awakening, we no longer have to defend our public image.  We are realistic with ourselves and are better equipped to love and trust those around us.  We are better able to find joy in each moment and hope for a future that is still unfolding.  Take the time that you need for being alone with yourself.  In those moments, you will find the touchstone of self-care, a meaningful and positive relationship with yourself.

​Judgment is a natural part of our lives.  As hunter-gatherers, we had to decide whether a food was good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, tasty or disgusting.  As part of large and complex social structures, we have to make similar judgments about those around us and the situations that present themselves each day.  We struggle to fit in to our families and other networks.  To do so, we make harsh judgments about our appearance, our beliefs, our values, and our public persona.  Judgment is part of who we are.
 
However, to be able to relax into our lives in solitude, I encourage you to suspend that need to judge and discern about yourself.  Simply accept who you are within the safety of your aloneness.
 
This will allow you to become more present to yourself.  Presence allows us to accept the “what” and eventually the “who” about ourselves.  Does this mean you need to inflict the hurtful parts of yourself on the world?  No, it simply means that you are aware of them and know when to step back from unleashing the tigers.  It allows us greater choice in showing ourselves to the world because we have a greater range of self to share.  It also allows us a more balance view of ourselves, knowing that there are flaws but there is also incredible beauty.  But most importantly, relaxing into ourselves will allow for more room in our inner lives for growth by accepting ourselves as we are rather than how we “need” to be or how others want us to be.
 
Learn to listen to yourself without judgment and you will find it must easier to love yourself which is the beginning of the journey to genuine self-care.

Why an Awakening?
 
A Story of Self-Discovery
 
Inner-Bonding

​Loneliness is most deeply felt in the soul.  When aloneness transforms into loneliness, the soul may begin to feel abandoned, isolated, and lost.  Such inner loneliness may make life feel hollow, or as if it was on hold waiting for something or someone.  The lonely soul may feel trapped in a place where normal has become a pipedream.  It can foster depression and attack any positive feelings we may hold about ourselves.  The lonely soul, especially if that loneliness extends over a long period of time, can destroy our physical, mental, and spiritual health.
 
The debilitating effects of loneliness on the soul demands that each of us find ways to transform it into genuine solitude.
 
A Soul in Solitude is able to enjoy and celebrate in the company of the self.  It grows out of a befriending of the self that allows us to find acceptance of who and where we are.  To be able to enjoy solitude is to become whole within ourselves. There is always room for others, but we are comfortable being alone. Our capacity for acceptance does not allow our doubts to grow into anxiety or debilitating fears.  We recognize that we have not been abandoned.  We are still loved.  Our aloneness will not last forever.  We can simply sit within ourselves for this moment and find contentment.   Solitude allows us to relax into our own existence and make peace within our soul.

​Unfortunately, transforming loneliness in the soul into real solitude is not a quick fix.  Unlike body or mind loneliness, soul loneliness grows out of a much deeper set of needs that cannot be dealt with by going for a walk or reading a book.  It may be necessary to avoid being alone too much until you have worked on some of the ideas listed below.  Developing the capacity to address an acute experience of loneliness in the soul takes time.  Therefore, these tips are recommended to avoid having our soul loneliness become a lifelong experience.
 
First, we need to become as completely present to ourselves as possible.  This mindfulness of self comes from spending time acknowledging who we are without judgment.  It means coming to terms with the reality that we are not perfect.  We are who we are.  It means developing genuine humility.  Humility grows out of the Latin word humilitas which is derived from the word humus or dirt.  We are of the earth, no more and no less.  To be humble is to know ourselves as we are, no more and no less.  We are not perfect.  However, our flaws are not the whole story.  We are a mixture of good and bad, extraordinary and very ordinary.  By becoming genuinely present to ourselves, just as we are without judgement, we set the stage for solitude.  (I didn’t promise that this was easy.)
 
Second, we need to become aware of when anxiety and/or fear is beginning to drag our aloneness into loneliness.  Listen for internal, negative statements about the self or our situation when we are alone.  These are the shadows of loneliness creeping into the soul.  In that moment, become mindful of something more than the shadows.  Take a quick inventory of your situation.  Where is life still bubbling around you?  Not every dark cloud becomes a thunderstorm.  Not every strong wind becomes a hurricane.  Look beyond the fear and anxiety in the shadows and become open to the world in whatever way it unfolds.  Not every separation becomes estrangement.  Not every ill-spoken word leads to broken relationship.  Not every disappointment leads to failure.  Become fully mindful of who you are without judgment by acknowledging the sunshine along with the shadows.
 
Lastly, we need to relax into our lives.   Enjoy who you are in that moment.  Become open to the life that surrounds you.  Acknowledge the relationships that sustain you and the opportunities that surround you.   Be aware of the beauty of life in the world around you and within you.  The first link under the FYI will take you to a poem that was written by Max Ehrmann ninety years ago.  It spoke to the heart of a generation and continues to offer each of us a pathway to self-acceptance and solitude.  I encourage you to read through this and keep it available to remind you that you are indeed a treasure among a whole treasure chest filled with beauty and wonder.  “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

​Desiderata by Max Ehrmann
 
Overcoming Loneliness
 
The Power of Solitude