During the Holidays, we are drawn away from our routine living.  But before these holidays come to a close, I invite you to step back and ask yourself, “Am I following the path with heart?”

These words are from Carlos Castaneda’s book The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge) where he schools his young protégé on how to make a meaningful choice for his life by choosing the path with heart.

“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.”

“This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.”

“Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.”

Does your daily path draw you into your day?  Does it invite you to grow and explore and discover?  Is the path you are walking path filled with wonder and anticipation?  Does your path lead you to breathless moments?  When you find and walk your path with heart you are giving yourself the greatest gift of self-care.  You will come to celebrate your life.  Make it worth the trouble!  Walk your path with heart.

Don Juan counseled his young disciple to roll around on the floor until he found the right spot to begin his path with heart.  Your path with heart begins within your own heart, the very core of your being!  How do we find that inner place that tells us that this is the spot where our Path with Heart begins?

Questions for Rolling around in your own heart.

• What brings you joy?  Satisfaction?  A sense of accomplishment?  A good reason to get out of bed?
• What do you do that causes you to lose track of time?
• What did you love to do as a child?
• What do you want the first line of your obituary to say?
• Is there any dream or talent you really wanted to pursue but never felt like you had the opportunity?
• What have you sacrificed in order to make a living?
• What do your friends say that you are really good at doing?
• What makes your soul sing?
  

Sit with your answers and see if they suggest any particular path for your journey in the new year.

Finding Your Passion

When You Are Struggling Finding Your Passion

 Making a Career Change when You Do not Know What you Are Doing!

It has been over twenty years since I lived up north but there is one experience that lingers with me.  The air is cold and still.  The snow begins to fall.  There are only a few flakes at first but gradually the air becomes filled with gently swirling crystals of ice.  And as the snowfall increases, the quiet stillness grows.  Sounds disappear and a wondrous silence surrounds me with a mystical stillness.  I found those quiet Mid-winter snows to be a time to listen to silence and hear its’ voice in the stillness.

During the harried, hurried holidays, silence is an elusive quality.  The noise invades our inner thoughts and our besieged souls hunger for quiet.  Our souls skip across the rushing river of tasks by leaping from anxiety to frustration to outright anger.  The howling winds of expectations and desires try to knock us into that swiftly flowing stream.  We discover that the “hurriedier we go, the behinder we get!”  Our souls cry out, “Stop!”

The one gift that each of us needs to unwrap this holiday season is the gift of that inner faith that keeps us going.  That quiet core of beliefs that reminds us that life is indeed worthwhile.  We need to unwrap the place where hope and joy, trust and love reside. 

Spend some quiet time where you can listen to the silence so that even that inner voice is stilled.   Allow the quiet to renew your spirit and remind you of the reason for your holiday season.

Happy Holidays to you all!

It sounds strange to say that we need to listen to the silence.  After all, listening is for sound.  Silence is the absence of sound, right?

But silence is always around us.  Listening to it is just a matter of focusing our attention on it.  For us, silence is less about what is going on around us as it is about finding stillness within us.  That stillness comes when we let go of attending to every bump and thump of the day.  Stillness comes to us when we no longer give our random thoughts the attention they demand.  Instead we focus on the spaces between the noise.  Every sentence that has ever been spoken included silence.  Every piece of music you hear includes at least fleeting moments of silence.  Every relationship sooner or later falls quiet while wrapped in one another’s arms.  We are surrounded by silence. 

When you are ready for a little silence, close your eyes and find a comfortable position.  Release your attention on your thoughts by acknowledging them and moving on.  Attend to your own breathing, lingering on those moments when your breath is still.  When noise from outside intrudes, acknowledge it and move on.  Return to your breathing, especially those moments of stillness between breaths.  Allow that stillness to seep into your core so that it can release the aromas of love and trust, joy and hope into your soul.  Allow yourself to receive the true gift of these holy, holidays! 

Finding Stillness

Seeking Stillness

Online Free Meditation Aids

Mind is the realm of memory.  These memories are not simply recordings of past events.  They are wondrous mixtures of inner and outer experiences that are wrapped in a haze of slow moving clouds.  During the holidays the clouds seem to part just enough to remember past Christmas’. 

People, places, sights, sounds, aromas, events, tastes’, and sensations appear for a moment and trigger feelings that may have been dormant for a while.  Those traditional holiday recipes reawaken our memories of Mom setting the dishes on the table.  Holiday songs stir to life remembrances of sing-a-longs and holiday pageants.  Hearing the stories of our faith may burn through the clouds evoking a vast array of hopes and dreams.

Unfortunately, many of these memories can be overwhelming when our hearts are struggling with today’s challenges.  They may trigger a grief that we believed we had finally laid to rest.  They may stir deep seated fears that are born in the insecurities of our daily living.  Holiday memories may lead us to believe that the good old days have long since disappeared.  Our lives just do not measure up to the way it used to be.

We need to recognize that yesterday’s memories are never actual descriptions of the way things were.  They are actual new experiences of the way things were seen through the fog of time and the clouds of the present.  We only remember in part, at best.  We remember as a 10-year-old looking back to a time that no longer exists through the mind of a 50-year old who has had a great deal more of life. 

Do not allow your remembering to distract you from the people and experiences that surround you.  Remain mindful of the people who share your journey today and allow your heart to grow two sizes too big as you build new memories together.

At one time or another we play Holiday Mind Games.  The rules are simple.  When we consider the holidays, we say to ourselves, “I will be happy if…”

When we are young, the sentence may end with a list of toys or other presents.  When we are a bit older we may conclude it with a list of friends we want see.  A few years later that list may change into a list of more expensive gifts or a promotion, etc.  As the years pass our sentence may change again to people who we wish we could see now that they have gone.

There is nothing wrong with longing or making a wish list.  But we need to do a little editing of the first part of that sentence.  When we tie our happiness to things that are beyond our control, we have given away a good part of ourselves.  Happiness that depends on how others act is a very dangerous game.  So, I suggest that as you move through this festive season, you change the sentence to “I would really enjoy …”   And then, if it doesn’t turn out your life will not be filled with bitter disappointment. But, if it happens you are all primed to feel the joy of gratitude filling your soul.  Choose the path that leads to joy!

Remembering the Magic

“I’ll Be Happy when…”

64 Tips for Coping with Holiday Grief

During the Holiday Season we are challenged in four ways that have consequences for our Body as we engage the world around us – Calendar, Carbs, and Cash.

Calendar – It is very easy to become over-booked during the holidays.  In addition to our routine activities of work etc. we also have the added activities of shopping, socializing, decorating, and preparing for family.  Many who work also must include year-end responsibilities.  These added items on your calendar/to-do list complicate our self-care.  Do not delegate any portion of your calendar to someone else, keep control of our schedule and do not be afraid to say “No!”

Carbs – It is very easy to snack our way through the holidays.  Carbohydrate and fat-laced goodies are available 24/7.  Overeating Carbs can lead to lethargy and, in some people, depression-like symptoms.  Enjoy the season but enjoy some fresh fruit or other diet friendly carbs.  Enjoy carb free treats like jerky or soy snacks.  Limit your carbs to a safe level.  It is also important to watch how many of your carbs come out of a bottle.  Alcohol can be a killer during the holidays.  Enjoy all your carbs in moderation.

Cash – A final area of temptation is to overspend on Christmas.  It feels good to give.  Buying presents can be a very enjoyable activity.  This is especially true when we are buying for our children or grand-children.  Buy gifts out of a sense of “want to” rather than “ought to.”  Allow yourself the joy of giving by avoiding the duty of giving.  And, consider making rather than buying a gift.  Make gift giving a time to celebrate your relationship rather than an obligation to completed.

By watching our temptations to over-schedule, over eat, and over spend we will take care of how we physically enjoy this holiday season.

Our tip for Self-Care of the body in holidays is a word very few people like, budgeting.  Many see a budget as an oppressive tool, something that limits what we do.  But a budget is a way of taking control of our resources and using them in ways that we choose.  Far from limiting our freedom, it gives us room to pursue our dreams.  A budget allows us to Prioritize, Simplify, and Stay Focused on our goals.

Look at your calendar.  Whenever I scribble in whatever I want, whenever I want, I usually run out of days for something I really wanted to do.  The same thing happens with a financial budget.  Without a plan that considers my income and my priorities, I generally run out of money before I run out of month.  A budget gives us the option to make choices and that measure of control allows us to let go of a great deal of holiday anxiety.  (It doesn’t do much for the anxiety that grows out of wanting more than we can afford in time or money.  That is where lowering expectations comes in.)

Sit down and look at your calendar, plans for holiday eating, and your finances.  What are the things you want?  Prioritize them and plan on the items that are higher priority.  Simplify your lists by setting aside those that are not very high on your priorities.  And then, as you go through the next few weeks stay focused on your plan.  Make changes only when those changes are in tune with your priorities.  Keep the impulse calendaring, eating, and shopping to a minimum.

Self-care opens your world to greater control and freedom to choose.  Give yourself the gift of less stress and more control this holiday season.

Taking Control of your Holidays

Setting Priorities

Regaining Control of Your Life

With the arrival of the holidays, many of us will starting mixing up our Annual Recipe of Holiday Blues.  We are going to pour in a huge helping of high expectations.  Many will add in an extraordinary amount of late nights, alcohol, and lots of sweets.  Then we will worry about not having enough money.  This recipe is guaranteed to turn your holiday cheer into a holiday depression.  And, for those who are spending their first holiday without someone they love, these Holiday Blues will make you more than depressed.  It will steal away your limited joy and replace it with an even deeper grief.

For the next few weeks I invite you to resist stirring up this concoction.  I will share a few tips to help you find a better path through the Holidays. But, while a few of these factors are unavoidable, the remaining are within our control.  Don’t fret over the things which are beyond your control, but resolve to make the best of those things that you can manage. 

May these next few weeks truly be happy holidays for you and your family!

Take a sheet of paper and draw a line across the middle and a line down the middle of the bottom half.

On the left side of the bottom half write the word SHEEP.  One the right side of the bottom half write the word GOATS.

Now, start making a list of all the things you want to happen this Christmas in the upper half.  Include the activities you want to attend, the things to get done, and the hopes you have for the holidays.

Now, start copying the items in the top half to the bottom.  If they are things you have complete control over place them to the far right in the Sheep section.  If you only have some control place them toward the center.  If they are things over which you have no control, place them to the far right in the Goat section.  If you only have a little control, place them near the centerline.

Once everything has been transferred, look at your holiday.  Focus your energies on the things to the left and give yourself permission to let go of the things on the right.  If your lack of money is beyond your control, then scratch off a few of the pricier items on the left.   If your sense of grief is too overwhelming, scratch off or change some of the more demanding things toward the left.  This exercise will show you that you do have some control over your holidays and will help you identify ways that you can take better care of yourself.

Causes of Holiday Sadness

Beating the Blues

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)