​We are living through difficult times of unprecedented change.  Change is sweeping across billions of lives in every time zone.  Scientists call this virus a novel infection because it is an emergent strain of the coronavirus.  But this pandemic is also novel because it is a new experience for many people who have never lived through anything like this.  We need wisdom teachers to help us find our way through this darkened maze.  Fortunately, they are all around us.  These teachers serve as sources of wisdom through what they say and what they do.  Some by wise words and others through serving as bad examples.  The problem is not so much the lack of instruction as it is a lack of an ear or eye for their instruction.  
 
Are we willing to learn what they have to offer?  Where are your teachers in these “pandemic times,” and what are they helping you to understand?
 
Experiencing Wisdom
 
We can find wisdom by listening to the people who have made a lifetime of studying how diseases move through communities.  These people are primarily interested in the facts and do not have an agenda beyond sharing what the science has taught them.  They offer insights and ideas that have worked in the past and can keep us safe during these dangerous days.  Their wisdom rises out of intense study over a long period. This wisdom has grown alongside others who have reviewed their ideas and agree with their conclusions.  If we have the ears to hear, they have a great deal of wisdom to share.
 
But these experts do not have a corner on all that we need to learn during our exile. They can help us survive, but they have very little to say about how we can thrive.  Wisdom to thrive requires a wider net.
 
Consider those who have had experiences with bits and pieces of our “hunkered down” lives.  Many people made do with long periods of isolation.  Many people adjusted to life without face-to-face meetings.  Many others fed their family when all they had was beans and cornbread.  They learned how to discipline themselves when their resources were limited, but their responsibilities were expanding.  These folks have something to share if we are able and willing to listen to their stories for insights and ways to cope.
 
We may also find wisdom in listening to those who appear to be dealing with their fears and isolation effectively.  They may have stumbled onto something new, or they may have learned from others.  If we admit our struggles and seek these effective people out, they will likely be more than happy to help us.  Unfortunately, we may allow our ego to bottle up our feelings and pretend that we are “OK” when we know that we are not.  we will continue to suffer needlessly if jealousy and prejudice close our minds to what they have to share.   These people have wisdom for those who are emotionally mature enough to ask and receive it. 
 
I will explore one more category of teachers that is all too plentiful in these chaotic times.  These are the proverbial “bad examples.” 
 
These folks have a great deal to teach us if we listen and learn with discerning eyes and ears.  Some people are angry all the time.  Others are foolhardy.  Many are suspicious of anything that does not square with their worldview.  A few people are using the suffering around them for their gain.  They are driven by their fearful angry feelings.  Many are unaware of their feelings and will not admit them to themselves or anyone else.  They dress up their actions in a lot of words, pretending to be responding to noble ideas like freedom and courage.  They cannot listen or respond to the needs of others.  In short, they are fighting battles deep within themselves and do have not the time or energy to seek help.  They are looking for confirmation of what their troubled soul is telling them.
 
These “bad examples” have a great deal to teach us.  They demonstrate the importance of paying attention to the currents and storms that are raging within us.  They remind us that self-knowledge is vital to surviving and thriving in this storm.  They teach us the wisdom of getting help when our inner life overwhelms our ability to function in the world.  They help us to understand that mental and spiritual health are just as crucial to our welfare as physical health, especially in stressful times like these.  But without “the eyes to see and the ears to hear,” too many will sink into a mire of depression, anger, and guilt.  They may lash out at others with these pent-up emotions.

​How do I find these wisdom teachers in my life?  Engage – Engage – Engage!
 
Do not hole up and disconnect from the world around you. 

• Stay engaged on social media. 
• Stay in touch with friends and family through phone calls, zoom, Facetime, email, and texting. 
• Read the CDC and WHO websites. 
• Follow trusted news outlets. 
• Read books, both the classics and modern genres. 
• Watch old movies, especially those from eras when life was uncertain. 
• Watch TED talks. 
• Ask others how they are doing and be honest when asked about ourselves. 
• Share recipes, crafts, stories, and other activities. 
• Have porch, balcony, or fire escape conversations with your neighbors.
• But above all, be discerning.  Do they have words of wisdom or are they bad examples?  listen carefully and learn judiciously.

 
The keywords are “stay safely engaged.”
 
Listen for and observe the wisdom that is being shared.  Let their stories inform you.  Allow their journey to help you shape your own future story.
 
Engage – Engage – Engage 
 
Blessings,
Bob

​Those who have been following these Self-Care Notes for a while know that I usually offer some tips on things we can do to improve our Spiritual Health. These tips generally include spiritual disciplines and practices, physical health ideas, and mental exercises. The notes are about motivating the reader to use these practices to improve their lives.
 
This week, I will be exploring healthy laments that will help us lay a foundation for hope in these difficult days. But lament is not a spiritual discipline or any other exercise for body-mind-soul. It is not something we do. We do not call up lament and start it rolling through our spirit. Instead, lament rises from deep within our souls and overflows into our mind and body. It is not voluntary. Lamentation happens!
 
For our purposes in this note, lament is a profound response to a painful emotion. It is a type of “soulquake” that engages the mind and body in responding to the anger, fear, guilt, shame, disappointment, or hatred that rises from our depths. It may spur the body to fight or run away. It can bring old and painful memories to the surface. Lament can trigger old feelings, buried under thick scars in our minds and souls. Lamentation happens! We do not choose it. Nor can we control its power over our inner life.  
 
Lament is not a discipline to be learned, but it does require discipline. We can learn from it and allow it to lead us through the darkened valleys in our daily lives. A lament can be a healthy response to a painful experience when we acknowledge our feelings, give them a voice, and listen to what they have to tell us. (See last week’s Self-Care Note). Lament requires the discipline not to deny or bury the lament. It demands the mental and soulful maturity to let it out into our awareness and ride it until the energy that it produces can channel us into healthier ways of living.
 
Right now, many people are dealing with all kinds of painful emotions. We are going through varying degrees of anger, fear, guilt, shame, disappointment, and hatred. These emotions are happening to us. We cannot control their appearing or disappearing. They may show themselves as angry, blaming outbursts directed at innocent bystanders. They may set self-doubts aflame with bitter self-criticism and condemnation. They may trigger old memories that evoke long-buried feelings of incompetence or persecution. While we cannot control these inner experiences, we can control how we express them in our daily lives. In such moments, discipline plays an important role. We can control how we vent and use the energy created by these emotions in the outside world.

​First and foremost, do not resist or deny your lament. Too many people rely upon denial to mask their painful emotions. Denial is a helpful short-term method. But in the long run, it will erode our sense of self and cripple our inner life. It can lead us to divorce our inner reality from our daily living. Unfortunately, that energy it creates will find its way to the surface.  It can explode, causing harm to those around us, especially those we love.  When that energy and emotion does surface, it is likely that we (nor those around us) will know or understand our outburst. Therefore, do not hold it on.  Let that lament in your soul rise to the surface and express itself, thus avoiding future meltdowns. 
 
Second, resist feeling guilty for being in lament. Many people, especially deeply religious folks, feel guilty when they allow lament to surface. They take it as a sign of weak faith or a lack of a reasonable understanding of life. They feel bad about feeling sad. This sadness complicates the experience and adds a new layer that will need to be peeled away before we can address our lament. Lamentation happens, even to the most faithful. Do you remember who spoke the words, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me!”?
 
Next, do not confuse losing hope with being in despair. Despairing of the future is an all-too-familiar experience for the human heart. When our hurt-filled feelings overwhelm our positive expectations, we enter into despair. However, this is not the same as losing hope. Our pain may temporarily cloud our view of the promised land, but desperation cannot dissipate faith. Hope is deep-rooted.  Real hope rises out of our relationship to that in which we place our highest trust. As long as we know that our god (whether that is the God of Abraham and Jesus or the power of life itself) walks with us and wants the best for us, hope will continue.  Again, the clouds of despair may obscure hope, but the light will return. Our hope will rise from the darkness. Do not confuse despair with losing hope.
 
Third, stay authentic with your feelings. Acknowledge and claim them. Do not make more or less of them than they deserve. A momentary disappointment is not a sentence to a lifetime of failure. Deep anger is not a permanent declaration of war. A burning sense of shame or guilt is not a final judgment on our value and worth as human beings. They are indications of a disruption in our lives at this moment and under these circumstances. Stay in the “now” with them. Keep your responses tied to these feelings, and this moment. Keep them authentic and real. Do not allow your lament to exaggerate, catastrophize, or minimize your situation.
 
Lastly, be aware of how your lament is touching those around you. If you are hurting others, step away from them. Mitigate your outward expressions. If others are following you into your lament, leaning on your experiences rather than their own, move away and give them space for their lament. Beware of the “Job’s friends” around you who will try to explain away your feelings or encourage you to “not feel this way. Often, these folks are more interested in avoiding their pain than they are in dealing with yours. If you are unsure of how others are responding to your lament, seek out a safe place to express yourself.  However, if others are sitting with you, without judgment, and offering a caring presence without a lot of words, keep them close. They are real friends who have your best interests at heart.
 
I close this self-care note with some wisdom from my Dad. He was a greater believer is planting by the moon. He would only plant certain crops by the “dark of the moon.”  He believed that this gave the seeds more of what they needed to grow into a healthy garden. 
 
I believe that the seeds of hope are best planted in the darkness of lament. Those small seeds, smaller even than a mustard seed, will have what they need to grow into great hope. The night will give the seed the humility to sprout new life. It will allow the seed the room to imagine and see life as it could be. The darkness will teach the seed to live “as if.”  Not all seeds planted, even in the dark of the moon, will sprout. But those seeds that do take root will sustain us when the darkness gathers once again.
 
These are days lament. The losses will continue to accumulate, and painful feelings will stir “soulquakes” deep within ourselves and those around us. Let’s give each other room to lament.   Avoid rushing each other through our lamentations.  Sit patiently with one other. Allow these days to be an opportunity for seeing the best of the human spirit as it reveals hope.
 
My prayers and thoughts are with you.
 
Blessings,
 
Bob

During a recent discussion with some friends on Zoom, David said, “I don’t want to talk about hope right now.”  I suspect many of us share this feeling, though few may admit it.  Avoiding hope may feel like a confession that our faith is not strong enough to handle our pain.  We may fear being judged by others who seem to have it all together.  We may not want to set a “bad” example for those who look up to us.  Or, we may fear offending God.  At the very least, we risk inviting despair into our soul when we allow our hurt to overwhelm our hope. 
 
Why would a healthy spirit not want to think about hope?  My experience is that when we are unhealthy, we will reach out and grab whatever hope is within reach.  But we are unable to sit in our sackcloth and ashes long enough for genuine hope to return.  We bury our hurt in an avalanche of empty promises and hope-like words.  We silence our pain by denying its reality.  We vent our sorrow on others through anger and violence.  We may even turn our hurting inward where it mutates into a fit of self-focused anger and fall into a deep and corrosive depression. 
 
However, the healthy spirit resists the shallow and too convenient hope or other escape routes. The healthy spirit allows our grief and pain their time and season.  The healthy spirit is willing to wait out the darkness. The short-term loss of love and trust, joy and hope does not diminish our capacity for them.  The healthy spirit knows that the darkness has a gift to offer and is able to embrace it.
 
Walter Brueggemann, an Old Testament scholar, has written extensively on the place of lament in the Psalms.  He has noted that over a third of the psalms are laments, confessions, and complaints.  The psalmist rails against the trials and misfortunes of life.  These laments arise from deep within our fears, disappointments, and grief.   They give voice to our hurts and losses without judgment or blame.  Like their cousins, awe and wonder, they are ultimate expressions of the reality of our lives.  Not only does “S&%t happen!” but it “Pis&%s me off!”  Such honesty is a rare gift that we dare not waste.
 
These laments open the doorways to a deeper understanding of who we are and the meaning for our lives.  We only lament the loss of those things that are deeply important to us. Our anger reveals those ideas or experiences that violate our deepest beliefs and convictions.  Our shame offers a glimpse into that inner self that we hide from ourselves.  When we embrace our laments, the doorway of self-awareness opens, and we establish a deeper, richer connection with self.
 
Lament invites others into deeper connections with a healthy spirit.  Our tears allow others to enter into our pain through compassion, sharing our pain.  Our anger acts as a signal flare to those who love us that something has gone awry.  A healthy spirit’s withdrawal into shame creates room for others to step closer and surround us with grace.  A healthy lament builds paths to compassion, companionship, and grace.
 
A healthy spirit allows their lament to keep them focused on doing what they need to do in difficult times.  They mobilize the energy we need to address the situations that caused our distress.  When we are spiritually unhealthy, we may try and avoid the problem, deny it, or fix it before we understand the cause.  But the healthy spirit, through lament, admits the reality of the problem and helps the mind and body to focus on addressing it in a helpful way.  There is no rush to judgment or latching on to an easy or convenient ill-conceived explanation or plan.  Lament allows us the space we need to strive to understand the situation and deal with it.  Lament recognizes that trial and error may need to be part of the plan.  Lament keeps our body-mind-soul focused on doing what needs to be done, which may include sitting at home and waiting it out.
 
Most importantly, lament makes room for the only real hope there is, a deep trust in the power and will at the very core of life. 
 
For the religious, a lament will open a path to the God who has already walked with them through dark valleys.   Psalm 22 speaks to many.  The expression of forsakenness in this Psalm calls to mind those times when their God was at their side.  It reinforces the relationship they share with their God.  It leads the lamenting spirit to rest in the loving God who has walked, is walking, and will walk with the faithful in times of darkness.
 
For others who do not ascribe to any religious system, lamentation will bring to mind a remembering of life itself as an unfathomable mystery.  A healthy lamentation will lead them to remembering that life has always found a way.  When a meteor wiped out a world dominated by reptilians, life channeled its energy into the small mammals that scurried along the ground.  Life adapts.  It has a strong will to continue.  It is the mysterious power that lives and moves and gives existence to creation.  Lamentation allows life to step back and rely upon itself, making room for hope to grow, especially in the darkness.
 
Embrace your lamenting by relying on your remembering.  Your lament will not be the final word.  Instead, it can be your first step toward the new life that awaits you on the other side of this darkness.  Let it teach you.  It will help you discern what is good about the life that has slipped away.  And, it will show you what needs to be left behind as you move forward into your new life that is being created.  Your lamentations bring wondrous gifts.  Do not waste them. 
 
Next week I will share some ideas on healthy lamentations.  Until then, do not give up on life.  It will find a way!
 
Bob
 

The Necessity of Lament
 
Brueggemann on Lamentation