Most adults have developed a worldview, or perspective on daily living, that helps us get through most things.  We trust that the Sun will rise and so we set our alarm clock.  We expect to be paid for an honest day’s work and so we show up and do our job.  We accept that our family cares about us and will be there when we need them.  We may even have a faith that doing good brings rewards and doing bad brings punishment.  Have a vast set of expectations, beliefs, and faith claims that make our lives meaningful.

However, changes on the outside have a way of causing changes inside, especially in our worldview.  We like to believe that our thoughts and beliefs grow out of pure reason and logic, but most of us are far more reactive than objective.  Our ideas react to the changes we experience in the world.  Our beliefs grow out of a lifetime of observing and living in the day to day world.  We believe that the sun will rise tomorrow because it always has.  We may believe that most folks can be trusted because we have lived with honorable, caring people most of our lives.  These beliefs and ideas serve us well until we experience a change in the world around us.  Then, the changes within our worldview can be devastating.

These changes can make our worldview unreliable.  They may cause us to shift away from some of our bedrock beliefs.  Our lives feel broken and uncontrollable.  We may even feel that we are “losing our mind.”  We start questioning who we are and the world around us.  We doubt ourselves and believe that we are “Losing it!” and may never “Get it back!”  As our worldview erodes, we may try and grasp it more tightly, defending it against all challenges, even to the point of absurdity. Or we may let go of one small piece and then feel the other pieces crumbling away.  Or we may just do what the Boomers used to call, “Dropping Out!”    Changes in the world have a way of causing deep and profound changes with in our minds.

A Facebook Friend could not believe that anyone could ever become comfortable with change.  “How do we get used to change?”  Here are several tips that you can use to lessen the inner turmoil that is caused when change continues to swirl around us.  Again, I am using the framework from the Serenity Prayer.

Accept What You Cannot Change

First of all, loosen your grip on the absolutes in our life.  Avoid words like “always, forever, and never.”  Acknowledge that we do not and cannot know everything.  Mysteries will continue to surround us.  So, when one of our favored beliefs is challenged we can move it into the mystery column and let it go.  When a good friend disappoints us and seems to have changed, chalk it up to a mystery, for now.  This will help lessen the fear in our next encounter.

Second, acknowledge that we have nothing to fear but fear itself.  Many folks have a natural tendency to make every uncertainty into a catastrophe.  The word catastrophe comes from two Greek words that mean “down turn.”  Pessimism, or a lack of hope, looks into the eyes of uncertainty and can only see a down turn.  But uncertainty does not inevitably lead to catastrophe.  Fear, however, can increase the odds by causing us to react without reason or adequate thought.   FDR warned the country against a reactive fear after the attack on Pearl Harbor.  This does not mean that bad things will not happen.  But, by suspending our judgment about the uncertainty we can re-engage our mind and address whatever the change may bring.

Accept what you cannot change by acknowledging that we do not know everything and avoid clouding your mind with fear.

Change What You Can

There is a wonderful skill that we can use when we find our worldview being challenged, reframing.  This simply means taking another look at the change and surrounding it with a different set of ideas. 

Let’s say that we have always trusted our neighbors and have given them a key to our house in case of emergency.  When we come home from a weekend away, we discover that someone has been in our house and made a mess of it.  There was no break-in and so we assume someone had a key to get in.  That leads us to suspect the neighbor.  We decide we must immediately go over and confront this lousy neighbor and vow to never trust another neighbor.  OR, we could step back and reframe the situation.  Weigh the evidence with a cool head.  Was any damage done?  Was it possible that we left the door unlocked?  Acknowledge that even if they did, this does not prove that all neighbors are untrustworthy?  Instead, we invite them into being an ally rather than an adversary.  Ask for their help in figuring out the mystery.  If it was them, then we can ask for the key back and dial back our trust in this particular neighbor.  By changing the ideas that surround a mystery we can, perhaps, see more clearly into the mist and increase our understanding about it.

Seek Wisdom

Do not let our reactivity overwhelm our capacity to sort out the changes that threaten our worldview.  Stay calm.  Breathe.  Listen to your mind.  Let the need to understand all things slip away and acknowledge the mystery.  Reframe your understanding and allow any light, no matter how dim, to shine through and enlighten your worldview.  Change does not have to destroy our faith or worldview.  Let both continue to grow through wisdom.

The Importance of Challenging Our Worldview

Reframing

Overcoming Fear

Following a significant loss, many people find themselves in a fog.  They struggle to concentrate.  Words are difficult.  Memories seem to bubble up from the depths.  Reasoning becomes very difficult.  Our minds are as profoundly affected by our grief as our body and soul. There is something very real about not making major, life-changing decisions in the first year after losing a spouse.  The fog of grief does not generally lead to good decisions.

Grief has a way of taking over our thoughts.  Everything revolves around the loss we have experienced.  In this moment, our grief demands everything from us.  We cannot imagine a time when our grief will be any easier to bear.  Long-term financial decisions are made with the short-term need to get through our grief.  Long-term relationship decisions may be made with the need to fill the void created by the loss.  The immediacy of grief can lead to poor choices for long-term needs.

But even beyond reasoning about the future, grief has a way of profoundly changing our memories of the past.  Grief cause the “If Onlys…” to erode the comfort we receive through our memories.   In remembering precious moments with the one we lost, we may start playing “Woulda’, Coulda’, Shoulda’.”  In remembering a special moment, a thought rises from our grief that says, “I coulda’” done this.  When looking back on a medical decision we made for our loved one we beat ourselves up with “I shoulda’” done that.  Regret that rises out of grief transforms the very memories that could be sources of comfort into moments of pain and sorrow.  Regret transforms remembering into guilt and anger.

Grief makes it very difficult to reason and to remember, to decide and to accept.  Self-care of the mind is essential during our time of grief.

Cut Yourself some Slack – Acknowledge that you may not be operating at your best and cut yourself some slack. Find a trusted friend to help you sort out which decisions must be made and which could wait.  Put off those that do not absolutely have to be made right now.  For those that must be made, listen carefully to several advisors and do your best.  But recognize that you may not be ready and could make a mistake.  Cut yourself some slack.

Remember with Gratitude -- When those memories rise up from within, focus on the good that they bring to your moment of hurt.  Remember each experience with gratitude.  If the moment you saw your loved in bed as they were taking their final breaths, do not let the regrets take over.  Focus on how their face was a peace as they rested comfortably.  If a funny moment from years before rises up, do not allow your mind to focus on the regret over not hearing them laugh.  Instead offer a thank you for the moment that you shared and leave it there, in gratitude.  Allow gratitude to salve the hurt and help you through the regrets that may occur from time to time.  Regrets do not solve anything when changes can no longer me made.  Let them float away on a river of gratitude.

Grief Brain

Grief and Major Decisions

Grief and Regret

Mind is the realm of memory.  These memories are not simply recordings of past events.  They are wondrous mixtures of inner and outer experiences that are wrapped in a haze of slow moving clouds.  During the holidays the clouds seem to part just enough to remember past Christmas’. 

People, places, sights, sounds, aromas, events, tastes’, and sensations appear for a moment and trigger feelings that may have been dormant for a while.  Those traditional holiday recipes reawaken our memories of Mom setting the dishes on the table.  Holiday songs stir to life remembrances of sing-a-longs and holiday pageants.  Hearing the stories of our faith may burn through the clouds evoking a vast array of hopes and dreams.

Unfortunately, many of these memories can be overwhelming when our hearts are struggling with today’s challenges.  They may trigger a grief that we believed we had finally laid to rest.  They may stir deep seated fears that are born in the insecurities of our daily living.  Holiday memories may lead us to believe that the good old days have long since disappeared.  Our lives just do not measure up to the way it used to be.

We need to recognize that yesterday’s memories are never actual descriptions of the way things were.  They are actual new experiences of the way things were seen through the fog of time and the clouds of the present.  We only remember in part, at best.  We remember as a 10-year-old looking back to a time that no longer exists through the mind of a 50-year old who has had a great deal more of life. 

Do not allow your remembering to distract you from the people and experiences that surround you.  Remain mindful of the people who share your journey today and allow your heart to grow two sizes too big as you build new memories together.

At one time or another we play Holiday Mind Games.  The rules are simple.  When we consider the holidays, we say to ourselves, “I will be happy if…”

When we are young, the sentence may end with a list of toys or other presents.  When we are a bit older we may conclude it with a list of friends we want see.  A few years later that list may change into a list of more expensive gifts or a promotion, etc.  As the years pass our sentence may change again to people who we wish we could see now that they have gone.

There is nothing wrong with longing or making a wish list.  But we need to do a little editing of the first part of that sentence.  When we tie our happiness to things that are beyond our control, we have given away a good part of ourselves.  Happiness that depends on how others act is a very dangerous game.  So, I suggest that as you move through this festive season, you change the sentence to “I would really enjoy …”   And then, if it doesn’t turn out your life will not be filled with bitter disappointment. But, if it happens you are all primed to feel the joy of gratitude filling your soul.  Choose the path that leads to joy!

Remembering the Magic

“I’ll Be Happy when…”

64 Tips for Coping with Holiday Grief

We use language to capture and recall memories in our minds.  These memories become foundations of our relationships.  If we have a bad first impression of someone then it is unlikely that we will develop a close relationship.  But, if our later contacts are more positive, they may overwhelm that initial memory and we could end up marrying them.  (Sounds like a TV movie, doesn’t it!)  Memories that grow out of our experiences with people are held and processed in our minds.

However, a memory is more than a narrative of what happened.  It is a re-lived experience that is colored by the remembered sensations and feelings that surrounded the event.  We remember far more than we can easily recall.  A new encounter that occurs in a hurry because were late for work may be tainted with a feeling that the person was holding us up.  The relationship never grew because of a negative first impression.  It may be further shaped by a memory of the time the boss chewed us out for being late to work.  Every relationship is made up of remembered stories about previous encounters with the person that has been shaded and shaped by all kinds of other memories.

Every relationship develops through remembering.  At first, the relationship grows out of a pre-story or prejudice.  We like blondes or dislike people like that annoying cousin.  As we come to know someone, this pre-story changes and it becomes their story.  Their story grows with each encounter as the mind makes connections between stories.  This “storyline” then becomes the foundation for the feelings that create the relationship.  The more intimate the relationship, the more finely tuned are the memories and storyline.

Learning to be more attentive to these “storylines” is to be InMind of those who are part of our lives.  By being InMind of our relationships we are able to nurture those relationships that bring us joy and step away from those relationships that take away our joy.  Those relationships that become part of our lives join in to the internal conversations we have with ourselves, even after they have left us physically.  Relationships are integral to the human spirit.  Good self-care requires that we be InMind of those relationships that have the most influence over us.

Healthy relationships foster love and trust within us.  To be InMind of our relationships is to be able to identify and cultivate relationships that bring us greater capacities for love and trust.  As long as a relationship makes love and trust possible, then we can simply ride the wave.  Continue to celebrate and foster that relationship.  Keep themclose and InMind.  But, when a relationship begins to create feelings of distrust or apathy, it is time to take a couple of steps.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is NOT forgetting a bad experience with someone or telling them that it was okay that they hurt you.  Forgiveness is seeking to let go of the pain they caused you.  You will still remember the event.  But you seek to find ways to release yourself from the pain it causes you.  You do this by re-membering the relationship.

Re-membering

Spend some time with the memories in the relationship.  Let those memories lead you.  Perhaps you can find new insights into why they behaved as they did.  This is not to excuse them for their behavior but to understand and re-frame your own response to them.   If we are abused by an alcoholic, we may find it easier to let go of the pain by understanding their alcoholism.  This does not mean that they need to step back into the relationship, especially if the person remains an active alcoholic.  But that insight becomes part of the story and enables us to release much of the pain in the memory.  We have re-membered the story.

Look at your list of folks that you hold in the circles of your life and ask yourself if they help you to love and trust or do they foster distrust and bitterness or apathy.

Do you want to be InTouch with any of these people?  Do you want to draw them closer?  If so, then bring them InMind.  If not, then move them farther out. 

Look for the pain they cause you and explore the possibility for the need for forgiveness. 

Re-member the stories and look for ways to re-member their story?

If you have relationships that cause you deep pain, I suggest you seek out a trusted friend or therapist to help you re-member the story.  This process is never easy but it can help you build a community of loving, trusting people around you that will help you to grow in joy and hope.

The Power of Friendship

Forgiveness

Things that Shape our Memories

Unlike body weariness, mind weariness sneaks up on us when we believe everything is going well.  We may be feeling like we are having a very good day and are ready to head out and enjoy an evening with friends when it hits.  A sudden tiredness overwhelms us.  We find ourselves unable to make a decision.  “Where do you want to eat?  “I dunno, where do you want to eat?”  We are unable to be spontaneous or impulsive, choosing to go to our usual Friday night place.  Trying to decide on something new is just too much for us to handle.

 Mind weariness develops when we have been concentrating for too long or, we have been caught up in a tangled web of ideas that cannot/will not untangle themselves.  It also occurs when our “want to” get crossways with our “ought to.”  Or when what our minds says what is true cannot be reconciled with our deeply held beliefs.  Each of these situations causes us to experience a lack of concentration.  We become mentally lazy for lack of energy.  We retreat into formulas and stereotypes, accepting them at face value, and find the easiest path beyond our dilemma.  In its most advanced form it becomes “Pool Ball” thinking, ricocheting off every idea or opinion that comes our way.  We become less thoughtful and more reactive.  We are overwhelmed by the simplest task and over-think every problem or possibility. 

The most devastating part of mind weariness is that we are seldom aware of it.  It leads us into a mindlessness and a very real loss of conscious action and thought.  We go on auto-pilot and do not realize that we are not flying the plane. 

We can survive mind weariness as long as we acknowledge it and find ways to deal with it.  If ignored, it will lead us into poor judgment and choices that can have deadly consequences.  Mind weariness demands that the ransom, a deep mind-numbing battle within ourselves, be paid.  The only way back is through mindfulness.

Mindfulness is “…a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.”

Mindfulness comes from the ancient practices of Buddhism.  Many of its principles have been adapted into western culture, both sacred and secular.  Mindfulness is far too complex for this brief space, so I want to offer you a technique you can use to move from mindlessness toward mindfulness.  I call it De-focus/Re-focus/Re-direct.

De-focus

Step back and accept that this problem or situation is not going to be resolved right now.  Your mind is not capable to seeing anything larger than the mosquito in the room.  Mindfulness begins with de-focusing your attention on the mosquito so that other ideas or solutions have space to enter.  This requires a stillness of body and soul that will allow the mind to let go.

Re-focus

Gradually become mindful of your surroundings.  Pay a fleeting attention to the events going on within and beyond your skin.  Allow your mind to float like a butterfly on the gentle breeze of experience.  Re-focus on the being the butterfly, sustained by the nectar of each encounter with the world within and the world beyond.

Re-direct

Gradually, those moments may coalesce into a renewed attention, informed not by our inner desires or prejudices, but by our encounter with ourselves and the world. Drop your keel into this new attention and set your sails to catch the breeze of the inward and outward experience.  Let yourself follow the path before you with a renewed mindfulness for who you are and the world in which you live.

Mindfulness

12 Keys to New Life

Your Weary Head

We all have had that encounter with the curious child playing the “Why?” game.   A child asks a question to which we reply with a simple, straightforward answer.  The child replies, “Why?”

We respond with a little more detail and the child looks at us and says, “Why?”

At this point, our irritation begins to show and the child has discovered a new “button” to push.  And the game continues until we cry, “Uncle!” to the delight of the child.

The child’s first and second question were honest questions that grew out of the child’s natural curiosity.  But, the child learned that their curiosity can also be fun, albeit at the expense of our patience.

Having the answers does make us healthy or keep us healthy.  In fact, when we have decided that we have enough answers and quit asking questions, our mind begins to go to sleep.  Questions have the power to keep our mind alive, awake, and alert.  In short, healthy.

The words “who, what, when, where, and why” are the recipe for a healthy mind.  They have the power to lead us into moments of wonder and awe.  They can awaken new thoughts and help us to see the places where we still need to grow.  They open the windows of our thoughts and allow the cool breezes of change to renew and refresh our ideas.  They lift the veils on previously undiscovered worlds of thought and belief.  They shake the very foundations of our carefully constructed opinions so that new ways of living and being can begin to emerge among the rubble.

Rediscover the child’s gift of curiosity and awaken your mind to the wonder and awe that is life.  Stay curious!  Believe it or not, it can be fun!

Curiosity is most easily cultivated on the margins of our lives.  If you are curious about folks, look at those on the margins.  They include those who take your order at the coffee shop and those who check your groceries at the megamart.  Engage them in conversation. 

You can also poke around the margins of ideas that you hold to be absolutely true.  Just for fun, imagine that you and everyone you know is wrong.  What if that idea is wrong?  How might you respond differently?   You will either poke holes in your argument and let in some fresh air, or you will confirm your beliefs after honest questioning.

Lastly, check out the margins of what you see every day.  Our eyes cannot focus on margins.  However, we can be mindful of them if we notice unusual movement or sounds coming from beyond the center of our attention.  When they attract your attention, then allow your focus to shift.  Then ponder that marginal experience with a mind asking “Who?”  “What?”  “Where?” and ”Why?”  Go where your curiosity carries you.

By exploring the marginal relationships, marginal ideas, and the marginal world around you, you will allow your peripheral vision to foster a habitual curiosity.  Your mind will awaken to the wonder of the world around and within you.  By becoming mindful of the margins we keep our mind alive and healthy.

Why Stay Curious?

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

A Little Science about Curiosity

The mind is a valuable reservoir of memory and ideas that help us connect the dots in our lives.  We use our mind to anticipate, plan, process, and imagine.  The mind gives us the internal abilities to respond appropriately to situations and circumstances outside of our control.  It helps us to understand the need for and develop a plan of self-care. 

However, mental activity requires a great deal of energy and concentration.  When we grow weary we tend to grow mentally lazy.  The dots go unconnected and we allow other parts of our lives to assume control.  We may allow our emotions to overrule our best judgment.  We may let the body’s aches and pains keep us from doing what we know is best for us. 

Unfortunately, when we are at our lowest point we have the least energy to combat the mental fatigue.  We allow ourselves to drift about in the currents of our fears, our prejudices, our discomforts, and our hatred.  We talk ourselves out of tending to our mind.  We do not read or explore options.  We accept the easiest answer as the only answer.  We allow ourselves to be manipulated by those who promise everything and have no way providing anything. We do not look out for ourselves or take the time we need to give ourselves the rest that mental activity often requires.

Mental fatigue and the ensuing mental laziness becomes a major roadblock to providing quality self-care.  It drains us of the energy we need.  It helps us to rationalize inaction. Mental fatigue hides itself in our unacknowledged emotions that masquerade as well thought-out opinions.  Not only does this roadblock prevent us from doing what we need to do to pull ourselves out of the ditch.  The spinning wheels giving us the impression that we are actually doing something to help, but remain we stuck in the mud of our mental laziness.

One discipline that can help us climb out of the ditch is to cultivate curiosity.  Curiosity is a prelude to wonder.  And wonder has the capacity to reawaken our mind from the false slumber of mental fatigue.  In short, curiosity is simply paying attention to the sparkle in our lives.

For the next week, take time to look at the margins in your life.  Most of the time we focus on the same events, experiences, and people.  We become creatures of the routine and expected.  We lose sight of the people and events on the margins, the edges of our experiences.

When you go out to eat pay attention to the server.  Ask them about their day.  Be curious!

When you find yourself stuck in traffic, take a look at the cars around you.  Observe the people driving them.  Imagine what their day must be like.  Be curious!

When you find yourself with a few minutes to yourself, try and remember the last time you went for a walk with your friend or companion.  Imagine what they are thinking and doing at the moment.  Be curious!

When you hear a word on the radio or in conversation that you do not understand, be curious!  When you meet someone for the first time and they have an interesting accent, be curious!

In short, cultivate a curiosity about the people and world around you.  For in those moments of curiosity you will feel the first waves of wonder.  And on those waves you will be able to ride the surf of thought to a reawakened and reenergized mind and spirit.  Be curious!

Overcoming Mental Laziness

Signs of Mental Fatigue

Cultivating Curiosity  

When we discover that we are under stress, our mind focuses on the immediate threat.  It shuts out thoughts that are not essential to the task of either fighting or fleeing the threat.  It may look for weapons to use or avenues of escape.  This is a “hard-wired” response to a perceived threat and it serves us well in those moments.

However, when we find ourselves not being able to let go of the stress after the threat has passed, this “single-mindedness” no longer serves us well.  By continuing to feel the fear of the threat or worry that it will return, our mind stays locked in the pattern of looking for threats, weapons, or avenues of escape.  Chronic stress leads us into what AA calls, Stinkin’ Thinkin’.

A person who was bitten by a dog as a child may harbor lingering feelings of resentment against all dogs.  That resentment and fear served them well immediately following the bite.  Unfortunately, if the fear continues to linger they may develop a belief that all dogs are dangerous.  This is stinkin’ thinkin’.  When they meet up with a dog they may not make appropriate choices because of their ST.  These beliefs can grow out of extraordinary events, like accidents or abuse.  

These thoughts can also grow out ordinary events.  But they do so only when we attach more significance to the event than it deserves.  A person may be laid off from a job they have dreamed about for years.  If they make more of the lay off than a mere budgetary adjustment, they may start to believe that there is something wrong with them.  This can cascade into a torrent of negative thoughts that defeat and discourage them for a lifetime.   Chronic stress, when left unattended, can destroy our love and trust, joy and hope.

Good self-care demands that we become wary of generalized beliefs that grow out of negative experiences.  We can do this by paying attention to the emotions that the event evokes and allow them to dissipate when the threat wanes.  If we find ourselves worrying about the event happening again or fretting over how we responded when it did happen, then we may be experiencing chronic stress.  We may be a victim of stinkin’ thinkin’.  We are well-advised to talk this experience over with a professional and find ways to deal with the “left over” feelings and thoughts.  A mind is a terrible thing to stress.

One of the most powerful tools we have in combatting the fear and anxiety of stress is gratitude.  Gratitude is simply an attitude that accepts that we are gifted with moments of undeserved grace.  When such moments occur we have the opportunity to either ignore them or allow them to redirect our mind away from our fears and worry.  They can remind us that life is more than the hurts and disappointments we experience.  They remind us that life is, as Forrest Gump said, “a box of chocolates…”  Gratitude, when practiced consistently during times of stress or unstress, can help us to avoid the stinkin’ thinkin’ of “coulda’ - shoulda’ - woulda’” or “Always… or Never….”.

Gratitude is very easy.  When something good happens to you, simply say “Thank you!”  You can either say it to the person who offered you the gift or to yourself quietly under your breath.  Gratitude reminds us that there is good in the world and we receive it every day.  It helps us to lay aside our anger or fear for a moment and see beyond pain they cause.

By opening our eyes to the gifts that come our way, we lighten the load of stress just a bit and find it easier to lay aside our worry and fear when the threat that caused the stress disappears.

Two little words can change the course of your day.  Just say “Thank you!”

Stress and the mind

Gratitude

Stinkin’ Thinkin’

One of the ways that we get to know ourselves is through that uniquely human capacity called mind.  Successful self-care requires that we pay attention to and keep our mind healthy and active.  Just as the body requires exercise and regular feeding, our mind needs to be stretched and nurtured.

What sort of topics occupy your mind?  Day-to-day concerns?  Internal gossip?  Worry about the future?  Fretting over the past?  Day dreams that drift by like passing clouds?  Left unattended, these things will lull us into sleep-walking our way through life.  They will distract our curiosity about life and shield our mind to the wonder and mystery of each day.  We will become lost in the trees and never see the beauty of the forest. 

However, when we discipline ourselves to read or listen to music or watch movies, our mind engages with others outside of itself.  We learn new ideas that may challenge or confirm what we believe.  We meet new people and discover interesting discussion partners in the characters of the stories.  It can be fiction of non-fiction, popular or classical music, documentaries or motion pictures.  But, the more diverse our diet the more our mind will be fed.  Such exercise will help us to stay awake and find more joy in our daily journey.

Take care of your mind.  Let out so that it run in the fresh air of new ideas and experiences from time to time.  Feed it regularly with experiences that invoke awe and promote curiosity.  When you think you have things figured out, think again!

This week’s tip has to do with the inner voice that runs through your mind.  This voice may be one among many, or it could be the only voice you hear.  It offers comment on situations. It may propose options when choices must be made.  If it is one among several voices in your head, you can identify it as the most common and the one that sounds more like you.  Its vocabulary will be your usual words.  Its ideas will seldom surprise you.  It can be highly critical and extremely supporting.  Mostly, it sounds like you.

When you hear this voice, spend time with it.  Like a beloved friend, get to know it’s moods and personality.  Be gentle with it.  Give it the benefit of the doubt but feel free to stand firm when you feel it is leading you astray.  Acknowledge it as an important part of your life and learn to see your inner life through it’s stories and interactions with your world.

From time to time each day, step outside of yourself and listen to the voice with the ears of someone watching a movie.  Does the voice stay “in character” or is there something odd about it’s tone or content?  Does the voice seem to belong in the story or is it merely an narrator standing apart and aloof from the moment to moment action?

As you come to know and befriend your inner voice it will shed new light on who your are and your deepest hopes and dreams.  It will reacquaint you with yourself when you seem to have drifted far from your mooring.  It can lead you home when you feel stressed and broken on the rocky shores of day to day life.

Befriend your inner voice so that it can help you find the resilience you need when life gets “complicated.”  That voice can be your biggest ally and your best friend.

Recognizing your Inner Voice

Why Listen to My Inner Voice?

Listening to the Inner Voice