General Information -- Change and the Mind
Most adults have developed a worldview, or perspective on daily living, that helps us get through most things. We trust that the Sun will rise and so we set our alarm clock. We expect to be paid for an honest day’s work and so we show up and do our job. We accept that our family cares about us and will be there when we need them. We may even have a faith that doing good brings rewards and doing bad brings punishment. Have a vast set of expectations, beliefs, and faith claims that make our lives meaningful.
However, changes on the outside have a way of causing changes inside, especially in our worldview. We like to believe that our thoughts and beliefs grow out of pure reason and logic, but most of us are far more reactive than objective. Our ideas react to the changes we experience in the world. Our beliefs grow out of a lifetime of observing and living in the day to day world. We believe that the sun will rise tomorrow because it always has. We may believe that most folks can be trusted because we have lived with honorable, caring people most of our lives. These beliefs and ideas serve us well until we experience a change in the world around us. Then, the changes within our worldview can be devastating.
These changes can make our worldview unreliable. They may cause us to shift away from some of our bedrock beliefs. Our lives feel broken and uncontrollable. We may even feel that we are “losing our mind.” We start questioning who we are and the world around us. We doubt ourselves and believe that we are “Losing it!” and may never “Get it back!” As our worldview erodes, we may try and grasp it more tightly, defending it against all challenges, even to the point of absurdity. Or we may let go of one small piece and then feel the other pieces crumbling away. Or we may just do what the Boomers used to call, “Dropping Out!” Changes in the world have a way of causing deep and profound changes with in our minds.
However, changes on the outside have a way of causing changes inside, especially in our worldview. We like to believe that our thoughts and beliefs grow out of pure reason and logic, but most of us are far more reactive than objective. Our ideas react to the changes we experience in the world. Our beliefs grow out of a lifetime of observing and living in the day to day world. We believe that the sun will rise tomorrow because it always has. We may believe that most folks can be trusted because we have lived with honorable, caring people most of our lives. These beliefs and ideas serve us well until we experience a change in the world around us. Then, the changes within our worldview can be devastating.
These changes can make our worldview unreliable. They may cause us to shift away from some of our bedrock beliefs. Our lives feel broken and uncontrollable. We may even feel that we are “losing our mind.” We start questioning who we are and the world around us. We doubt ourselves and believe that we are “Losing it!” and may never “Get it back!” As our worldview erodes, we may try and grasp it more tightly, defending it against all challenges, even to the point of absurdity. Or we may let go of one small piece and then feel the other pieces crumbling away. Or we may just do what the Boomers used to call, “Dropping Out!” Changes in the world have a way of causing deep and profound changes with in our minds.
Tips
A Facebook Friend could not believe that anyone could ever become comfortable with change. “How do we get used to change?” Here are several tips that you can use to lessen the inner turmoil that is caused when change continues to swirl around us. Again, I am using the framework from the Serenity Prayer.
Accept What You Cannot Change
First of all, loosen your grip on the absolutes in our life. Avoid words like “always, forever, and never.” Acknowledge that we do not and cannot know everything. Mysteries will continue to surround us. So, when one of our favored beliefs is challenged we can move it into the mystery column and let it go. When a good friend disappoints us and seems to have changed, chalk it up to a mystery, for now. This will help lessen the fear in our next encounter.
Second, acknowledge that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Many folks have a natural tendency to make every uncertainty into a catastrophe. The word catastrophe comes from two Greek words that mean “down turn.” Pessimism, or a lack of hope, looks into the eyes of uncertainty and can only see a down turn. But uncertainty does not inevitably lead to catastrophe. Fear, however, can increase the odds by causing us to react without reason or adequate thought. FDR warned the country against a reactive fear after the attack on Pearl Harbor. This does not mean that bad things will not happen. But, by suspending our judgment about the uncertainty we can re-engage our mind and address whatever the change may bring.
Accept what you cannot change by acknowledging that we do not know everything and avoid clouding your mind with fear.
Change What You Can
There is a wonderful skill that we can use when we find our worldview being challenged, reframing. This simply means taking another look at the change and surrounding it with a different set of ideas.
Let’s say that we have always trusted our neighbors and have given them a key to our house in case of emergency. When we come home from a weekend away, we discover that someone has been in our house and made a mess of it. There was no break-in and so we assume someone had a key to get in. That leads us to suspect the neighbor. We decide we must immediately go over and confront this lousy neighbor and vow to never trust another neighbor. OR, we could step back and reframe the situation. Weigh the evidence with a cool head. Was any damage done? Was it possible that we left the door unlocked? Acknowledge that even if they did, this does not prove that all neighbors are untrustworthy? Instead, we invite them into being an ally rather than an adversary. Ask for their help in figuring out the mystery. If it was them, then we can ask for the key back and dial back our trust in this particular neighbor. By changing the ideas that surround a mystery we can, perhaps, see more clearly into the mist and increase our understanding about it.
Seek Wisdom
Do not let our reactivity overwhelm our capacity to sort out the changes that threaten our worldview. Stay calm. Breathe. Listen to your mind. Let the need to understand all things slip away and acknowledge the mystery. Reframe your understanding and allow any light, no matter how dim, to shine through and enlighten your worldview. Change does not have to destroy our faith or worldview. Let both continue to grow through wisdom.
Accept What You Cannot Change
First of all, loosen your grip on the absolutes in our life. Avoid words like “always, forever, and never.” Acknowledge that we do not and cannot know everything. Mysteries will continue to surround us. So, when one of our favored beliefs is challenged we can move it into the mystery column and let it go. When a good friend disappoints us and seems to have changed, chalk it up to a mystery, for now. This will help lessen the fear in our next encounter.
Second, acknowledge that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Many folks have a natural tendency to make every uncertainty into a catastrophe. The word catastrophe comes from two Greek words that mean “down turn.” Pessimism, or a lack of hope, looks into the eyes of uncertainty and can only see a down turn. But uncertainty does not inevitably lead to catastrophe. Fear, however, can increase the odds by causing us to react without reason or adequate thought. FDR warned the country against a reactive fear after the attack on Pearl Harbor. This does not mean that bad things will not happen. But, by suspending our judgment about the uncertainty we can re-engage our mind and address whatever the change may bring.
Accept what you cannot change by acknowledging that we do not know everything and avoid clouding your mind with fear.
Change What You Can
There is a wonderful skill that we can use when we find our worldview being challenged, reframing. This simply means taking another look at the change and surrounding it with a different set of ideas.
Let’s say that we have always trusted our neighbors and have given them a key to our house in case of emergency. When we come home from a weekend away, we discover that someone has been in our house and made a mess of it. There was no break-in and so we assume someone had a key to get in. That leads us to suspect the neighbor. We decide we must immediately go over and confront this lousy neighbor and vow to never trust another neighbor. OR, we could step back and reframe the situation. Weigh the evidence with a cool head. Was any damage done? Was it possible that we left the door unlocked? Acknowledge that even if they did, this does not prove that all neighbors are untrustworthy? Instead, we invite them into being an ally rather than an adversary. Ask for their help in figuring out the mystery. If it was them, then we can ask for the key back and dial back our trust in this particular neighbor. By changing the ideas that surround a mystery we can, perhaps, see more clearly into the mist and increase our understanding about it.
Seek Wisdom
Do not let our reactivity overwhelm our capacity to sort out the changes that threaten our worldview. Stay calm. Breathe. Listen to your mind. Let the need to understand all things slip away and acknowledge the mystery. Reframe your understanding and allow any light, no matter how dim, to shine through and enlighten your worldview. Change does not have to destroy our faith or worldview. Let both continue to grow through wisdom.
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