General Information
Aloneness is a part of the human experience. In fact, it is a very valuable part of our lives. It offers us a great opportunity for self-care.
In our “alone times” we can get to know the person who has been with us from the beginning. In aloneness, we can sort out the stuff that is purely for public consumption and see ourselves for who and what we are. Without an audience, we can take off the mask and wig, strip down to our bear being and sit in the sunshine of the moment. We can learn about ourselves; how we have grown and evolved over the years. We can come to know and enjoy who we have become.
This can be an awakening to our lives. It is an essential part of growing into the fullness of life. Many people are very fearful of making this journey because of the risk that it offers to their self-concept. However, without the journey we are trapped in our public self, while disregarding the private self. We need an audience to confirm that we are playing our character correctly. We rely on the public smile to hide the sadness within. We pray the make-up will make the flaws in our lives disappear. But aloneness (without loneliness) leads to an awakening, we can step off the stage and retire to the dressing room. There we rediscover the beautiful person that exists under the make-up and costumes. We do not have to hide our flaws or peculiarities. We can recognize and celebrate our uniqueness. We wake up to ourselves. We can now relax into our lives, free from fear, shame, or despair.
After awakening, we no longer have to defend our public image. We are realistic with ourselves and are better equipped to love and trust those around us. We are better able to find joy in each moment and hope for a future that is still unfolding. Take the time that you need for being alone with yourself. In those moments, you will find the touchstone of self-care, a meaningful and positive relationship with yourself.
In our “alone times” we can get to know the person who has been with us from the beginning. In aloneness, we can sort out the stuff that is purely for public consumption and see ourselves for who and what we are. Without an audience, we can take off the mask and wig, strip down to our bear being and sit in the sunshine of the moment. We can learn about ourselves; how we have grown and evolved over the years. We can come to know and enjoy who we have become.
This can be an awakening to our lives. It is an essential part of growing into the fullness of life. Many people are very fearful of making this journey because of the risk that it offers to their self-concept. However, without the journey we are trapped in our public self, while disregarding the private self. We need an audience to confirm that we are playing our character correctly. We rely on the public smile to hide the sadness within. We pray the make-up will make the flaws in our lives disappear. But aloneness (without loneliness) leads to an awakening, we can step off the stage and retire to the dressing room. There we rediscover the beautiful person that exists under the make-up and costumes. We do not have to hide our flaws or peculiarities. We can recognize and celebrate our uniqueness. We wake up to ourselves. We can now relax into our lives, free from fear, shame, or despair.
After awakening, we no longer have to defend our public image. We are realistic with ourselves and are better equipped to love and trust those around us. We are better able to find joy in each moment and hope for a future that is still unfolding. Take the time that you need for being alone with yourself. In those moments, you will find the touchstone of self-care, a meaningful and positive relationship with yourself.
Tips -- Listening without judgment!
Judgment is a natural part of our lives. As hunter-gatherers, we had to decide whether a food was good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, tasty or disgusting. As part of large and complex social structures, we have to make similar judgments about those around us and the situations that present themselves each day. We struggle to fit in to our families and other networks. To do so, we make harsh judgments about our appearance, our beliefs, our values, and our public persona. Judgment is part of who we are.
However, to be able to relax into our lives in solitude, I encourage you to suspend that need to judge and discern about yourself. Simply accept who you are within the safety of your aloneness.
This will allow you to become more present to yourself. Presence allows us to accept the “what” and eventually the “who” about ourselves. Does this mean you need to inflict the hurtful parts of yourself on the world? No, it simply means that you are aware of them and know when to step back from unleashing the tigers. It allows us greater choice in showing ourselves to the world because we have a greater range of self to share. It also allows us a more balance view of ourselves, knowing that there are flaws but there is also incredible beauty. But most importantly, relaxing into ourselves will allow for more room in our inner lives for growth by accepting ourselves as we are rather than how we “need” to be or how others want us to be.
Learn to listen to yourself without judgment and you will find it must easier to love yourself which is the beginning of the journey to genuine self-care.
However, to be able to relax into our lives in solitude, I encourage you to suspend that need to judge and discern about yourself. Simply accept who you are within the safety of your aloneness.
This will allow you to become more present to yourself. Presence allows us to accept the “what” and eventually the “who” about ourselves. Does this mean you need to inflict the hurtful parts of yourself on the world? No, it simply means that you are aware of them and know when to step back from unleashing the tigers. It allows us greater choice in showing ourselves to the world because we have a greater range of self to share. It also allows us a more balance view of ourselves, knowing that there are flaws but there is also incredible beauty. But most importantly, relaxing into ourselves will allow for more room in our inner lives for growth by accepting ourselves as we are rather than how we “need” to be or how others want us to be.
Learn to listen to yourself without judgment and you will find it must easier to love yourself which is the beginning of the journey to genuine self-care.
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