General Information
Loneliness is most deeply felt in the soul. When aloneness transforms into loneliness, the soul may begin to feel abandoned, isolated, and lost. Such inner loneliness may make life feel hollow, or as if it was on hold waiting for something or someone. The lonely soul may feel trapped in a place where normal has become a pipedream. It can foster depression and attack any positive feelings we may hold about ourselves. The lonely soul, especially if that loneliness extends over a long period of time, can destroy our physical, mental, and spiritual health.
The debilitating effects of loneliness on the soul demands that each of us find ways to transform it into genuine solitude.
A Soul in Solitude is able to enjoy and celebrate in the company of the self. It grows out of a befriending of the self that allows us to find acceptance of who and where we are. To be able to enjoy solitude is to become whole within ourselves. There is always room for others, but we are comfortable being alone. Our capacity for acceptance does not allow our doubts to grow into anxiety or debilitating fears. We recognize that we have not been abandoned. We are still loved. Our aloneness will not last forever. We can simply sit within ourselves for this moment and find contentment. Solitude allows us to relax into our own existence and make peace within our soul.
The debilitating effects of loneliness on the soul demands that each of us find ways to transform it into genuine solitude.
A Soul in Solitude is able to enjoy and celebrate in the company of the self. It grows out of a befriending of the self that allows us to find acceptance of who and where we are. To be able to enjoy solitude is to become whole within ourselves. There is always room for others, but we are comfortable being alone. Our capacity for acceptance does not allow our doubts to grow into anxiety or debilitating fears. We recognize that we have not been abandoned. We are still loved. Our aloneness will not last forever. We can simply sit within ourselves for this moment and find contentment. Solitude allows us to relax into our own existence and make peace within our soul.
Transforming Soul Loneliness to Solitude
Unfortunately, transforming loneliness in the soul into real solitude is not a quick fix. Unlike body or mind loneliness, soul loneliness grows out of a much deeper set of needs that cannot be dealt with by going for a walk or reading a book. It may be necessary to avoid being alone too much until you have worked on some of the ideas listed below. Developing the capacity to address an acute experience of loneliness in the soul takes time. Therefore, these tips are recommended to avoid having our soul loneliness become a lifelong experience.
First, we need to become as completely present to ourselves as possible. This mindfulness of self comes from spending time acknowledging who we are without judgment. It means coming to terms with the reality that we are not perfect. We are who we are. It means developing genuine humility. Humility grows out of the Latin word humilitas which is derived from the word humus or dirt. We are of the earth, no more and no less. To be humble is to know ourselves as we are, no more and no less. We are not perfect. However, our flaws are not the whole story. We are a mixture of good and bad, extraordinary and very ordinary. By becoming genuinely present to ourselves, just as we are without judgement, we set the stage for solitude. (I didn’t promise that this was easy.)
Second, we need to become aware of when anxiety and/or fear is beginning to drag our aloneness into loneliness. Listen for internal, negative statements about the self or our situation when we are alone. These are the shadows of loneliness creeping into the soul. In that moment, become mindful of something more than the shadows. Take a quick inventory of your situation. Where is life still bubbling around you? Not every dark cloud becomes a thunderstorm. Not every strong wind becomes a hurricane. Look beyond the fear and anxiety in the shadows and become open to the world in whatever way it unfolds. Not every separation becomes estrangement. Not every ill-spoken word leads to broken relationship. Not every disappointment leads to failure. Become fully mindful of who you are without judgment by acknowledging the sunshine along with the shadows.
Lastly, we need to relax into our lives. Enjoy who you are in that moment. Become open to the life that surrounds you. Acknowledge the relationships that sustain you and the opportunities that surround you. Be aware of the beauty of life in the world around you and within you. The first link under the FYI will take you to a poem that was written by Max Ehrmann ninety years ago. It spoke to the heart of a generation and continues to offer each of us a pathway to self-acceptance and solitude. I encourage you to read through this and keep it available to remind you that you are indeed a treasure among a whole treasure chest filled with beauty and wonder. “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
First, we need to become as completely present to ourselves as possible. This mindfulness of self comes from spending time acknowledging who we are without judgment. It means coming to terms with the reality that we are not perfect. We are who we are. It means developing genuine humility. Humility grows out of the Latin word humilitas which is derived from the word humus or dirt. We are of the earth, no more and no less. To be humble is to know ourselves as we are, no more and no less. We are not perfect. However, our flaws are not the whole story. We are a mixture of good and bad, extraordinary and very ordinary. By becoming genuinely present to ourselves, just as we are without judgement, we set the stage for solitude. (I didn’t promise that this was easy.)
Second, we need to become aware of when anxiety and/or fear is beginning to drag our aloneness into loneliness. Listen for internal, negative statements about the self or our situation when we are alone. These are the shadows of loneliness creeping into the soul. In that moment, become mindful of something more than the shadows. Take a quick inventory of your situation. Where is life still bubbling around you? Not every dark cloud becomes a thunderstorm. Not every strong wind becomes a hurricane. Look beyond the fear and anxiety in the shadows and become open to the world in whatever way it unfolds. Not every separation becomes estrangement. Not every ill-spoken word leads to broken relationship. Not every disappointment leads to failure. Become fully mindful of who you are without judgment by acknowledging the sunshine along with the shadows.
Lastly, we need to relax into our lives. Enjoy who you are in that moment. Become open to the life that surrounds you. Acknowledge the relationships that sustain you and the opportunities that surround you. Be aware of the beauty of life in the world around you and within you. The first link under the FYI will take you to a poem that was written by Max Ehrmann ninety years ago. It spoke to the heart of a generation and continues to offer each of us a pathway to self-acceptance and solitude. I encourage you to read through this and keep it available to remind you that you are indeed a treasure among a whole treasure chest filled with beauty and wonder. “With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
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