Embracing Lamentation
During a recent discussion with some friends on Zoom, David said, “I don’t want to talk about hope right now.” I suspect many of us share this feeling, though few may admit it. Avoiding hope may feel like a confession that our faith is not strong enough to handle our pain. We may fear being judged by others who seem to have it all together. We may not want to set a “bad” example for those who look up to us. Or, we may fear offending God. At the very least, we risk inviting despair into our soul when we allow our hurt to overwhelm our hope.
Why would a healthy spirit not want to think about hope? My experience is that when we are unhealthy, we will reach out and grab whatever hope is within reach. But we are unable to sit in our sackcloth and ashes long enough for genuine hope to return. We bury our hurt in an avalanche of empty promises and hope-like words. We silence our pain by denying its reality. We vent our sorrow on others through anger and violence. We may even turn our hurting inward where it mutates into a fit of self-focused anger and fall into a deep and corrosive depression.
However, the healthy spirit resists the shallow and too convenient hope or other escape routes. The healthy spirit allows our grief and pain their time and season. The healthy spirit is willing to wait out the darkness. The short-term loss of love and trust, joy and hope does not diminish our capacity for them. The healthy spirit knows that the darkness has a gift to offer and is able to embrace it.
Walter Brueggemann, an Old Testament scholar, has written extensively on the place of lament in the Psalms. He has noted that over a third of the psalms are laments, confessions, and complaints. The psalmist rails against the trials and misfortunes of life. These laments arise from deep within our fears, disappointments, and grief. They give voice to our hurts and losses without judgment or blame. Like their cousins, awe and wonder, they are ultimate expressions of the reality of our lives. Not only does “S&%t happen!” but it “Pis&%s me off!” Such honesty is a rare gift that we dare not waste.
These laments open the doorways to a deeper understanding of who we are and the meaning for our lives. We only lament the loss of those things that are deeply important to us. Our anger reveals those ideas or experiences that violate our deepest beliefs and convictions. Our shame offers a glimpse into that inner self that we hide from ourselves. When we embrace our laments, the doorway of self-awareness opens, and we establish a deeper, richer connection with self.
Lament invites others into deeper connections with a healthy spirit. Our tears allow others to enter into our pain through compassion, sharing our pain. Our anger acts as a signal flare to those who love us that something has gone awry. A healthy spirit’s withdrawal into shame creates room for others to step closer and surround us with grace. A healthy lament builds paths to compassion, companionship, and grace.
A healthy spirit allows their lament to keep them focused on doing what they need to do in difficult times. They mobilize the energy we need to address the situations that caused our distress. When we are spiritually unhealthy, we may try and avoid the problem, deny it, or fix it before we understand the cause. But the healthy spirit, through lament, admits the reality of the problem and helps the mind and body to focus on addressing it in a helpful way. There is no rush to judgment or latching on to an easy or convenient ill-conceived explanation or plan. Lament allows us the space we need to strive to understand the situation and deal with it. Lament recognizes that trial and error may need to be part of the plan. Lament keeps our body-mind-soul focused on doing what needs to be done, which may include sitting at home and waiting it out.
Most importantly, lament makes room for the only real hope there is, a deep trust in the power and will at the very core of life.
For the religious, a lament will open a path to the God who has already walked with them through dark valleys. Psalm 22 speaks to many. The expression of forsakenness in this Psalm calls to mind those times when their God was at their side. It reinforces the relationship they share with their God. It leads the lamenting spirit to rest in the loving God who has walked, is walking, and will walk with the faithful in times of darkness.
For others who do not ascribe to any religious system, lamentation will bring to mind a remembering of life itself as an unfathomable mystery. A healthy lamentation will lead them to remembering that life has always found a way. When a meteor wiped out a world dominated by reptilians, life channeled its energy into the small mammals that scurried along the ground. Life adapts. It has a strong will to continue. It is the mysterious power that lives and moves and gives existence to creation. Lamentation allows life to step back and rely upon itself, making room for hope to grow, especially in the darkness.
Embrace your lamenting by relying on your remembering. Your lament will not be the final word. Instead, it can be your first step toward the new life that awaits you on the other side of this darkness. Let it teach you. It will help you discern what is good about the life that has slipped away. And, it will show you what needs to be left behind as you move forward into your new life that is being created. Your lamentations bring wondrous gifts. Do not waste them.
Next week I will share some ideas on healthy lamentations. Until then, do not give up on life. It will find a way!
Bob
Why would a healthy spirit not want to think about hope? My experience is that when we are unhealthy, we will reach out and grab whatever hope is within reach. But we are unable to sit in our sackcloth and ashes long enough for genuine hope to return. We bury our hurt in an avalanche of empty promises and hope-like words. We silence our pain by denying its reality. We vent our sorrow on others through anger and violence. We may even turn our hurting inward where it mutates into a fit of self-focused anger and fall into a deep and corrosive depression.
However, the healthy spirit resists the shallow and too convenient hope or other escape routes. The healthy spirit allows our grief and pain their time and season. The healthy spirit is willing to wait out the darkness. The short-term loss of love and trust, joy and hope does not diminish our capacity for them. The healthy spirit knows that the darkness has a gift to offer and is able to embrace it.
Walter Brueggemann, an Old Testament scholar, has written extensively on the place of lament in the Psalms. He has noted that over a third of the psalms are laments, confessions, and complaints. The psalmist rails against the trials and misfortunes of life. These laments arise from deep within our fears, disappointments, and grief. They give voice to our hurts and losses without judgment or blame. Like their cousins, awe and wonder, they are ultimate expressions of the reality of our lives. Not only does “S&%t happen!” but it “Pis&%s me off!” Such honesty is a rare gift that we dare not waste.
These laments open the doorways to a deeper understanding of who we are and the meaning for our lives. We only lament the loss of those things that are deeply important to us. Our anger reveals those ideas or experiences that violate our deepest beliefs and convictions. Our shame offers a glimpse into that inner self that we hide from ourselves. When we embrace our laments, the doorway of self-awareness opens, and we establish a deeper, richer connection with self.
Lament invites others into deeper connections with a healthy spirit. Our tears allow others to enter into our pain through compassion, sharing our pain. Our anger acts as a signal flare to those who love us that something has gone awry. A healthy spirit’s withdrawal into shame creates room for others to step closer and surround us with grace. A healthy lament builds paths to compassion, companionship, and grace.
A healthy spirit allows their lament to keep them focused on doing what they need to do in difficult times. They mobilize the energy we need to address the situations that caused our distress. When we are spiritually unhealthy, we may try and avoid the problem, deny it, or fix it before we understand the cause. But the healthy spirit, through lament, admits the reality of the problem and helps the mind and body to focus on addressing it in a helpful way. There is no rush to judgment or latching on to an easy or convenient ill-conceived explanation or plan. Lament allows us the space we need to strive to understand the situation and deal with it. Lament recognizes that trial and error may need to be part of the plan. Lament keeps our body-mind-soul focused on doing what needs to be done, which may include sitting at home and waiting it out.
Most importantly, lament makes room for the only real hope there is, a deep trust in the power and will at the very core of life.
For the religious, a lament will open a path to the God who has already walked with them through dark valleys. Psalm 22 speaks to many. The expression of forsakenness in this Psalm calls to mind those times when their God was at their side. It reinforces the relationship they share with their God. It leads the lamenting spirit to rest in the loving God who has walked, is walking, and will walk with the faithful in times of darkness.
For others who do not ascribe to any religious system, lamentation will bring to mind a remembering of life itself as an unfathomable mystery. A healthy lamentation will lead them to remembering that life has always found a way. When a meteor wiped out a world dominated by reptilians, life channeled its energy into the small mammals that scurried along the ground. Life adapts. It has a strong will to continue. It is the mysterious power that lives and moves and gives existence to creation. Lamentation allows life to step back and rely upon itself, making room for hope to grow, especially in the darkness.
Embrace your lamenting by relying on your remembering. Your lament will not be the final word. Instead, it can be your first step toward the new life that awaits you on the other side of this darkness. Let it teach you. It will help you discern what is good about the life that has slipped away. And, it will show you what needs to be left behind as you move forward into your new life that is being created. Your lamentations bring wondrous gifts. Do not waste them.
Next week I will share some ideas on healthy lamentations. Until then, do not give up on life. It will find a way!
Bob
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