Over the last few weeks, I have discovered that I am no longer in quarantine. To be quarantined means that we are secluded from one another to protect ourselves and others in our community. Quarantine is a loving response to a pandemic that makes our isolation bearable. It saves lives. But I am no longer in quarantine; I am now in exile.
(I say this with apologies to those who have survived a far more painful exile than this. I do not intend to minimize your experience. I do see the difference between our experiences as one of degree, if not of substance.)
Exile is an old word first written during the 14th century. Exiles were forcibly removed from their homes. A fiefdom's peasants were relocated because the Earl wanted their land. They could have been the political supporters of a King who lost his crown in a palace coup. Regardless of the circumstances, they became strangers in a strange land. They had to set aside their hopes and dreams, as well as their family and companions. They did not choose their situation. Exile was forced upon them.
I feel that my exile has been forced upon me. The disease has not forced me into exile. It is because of the actions of my fellow citizens. I place myself in danger when I am in public with people who refuse to take the pandemic seriously. I am vulnerable to every unmasked cough, sneeze, and even when others spoken words. (see https://www.erinbromage.com/post/the-risks-know-them-avoid-them) I can control my exposure to the virus. I can't control others and their lack of concern for those they may infect. Therefore, I must live my life in exile from the life I could and should be able to live.
Nor am I alone. Tens of millions of people are vulnerable to significant complications from this virus. African Americans, folks with autoimmune disorders, people with chronic respiratory or cardiac disease, and older people like myself. All of us must choose between exile or living in an exile of fear of contracting COVID-19.
It was easier to deal with isolation when we were all in this together. We felt like we were contributing to the community's health and well-being. Our quarantine was purposeful and beneficial to ourselves and others. But as soon the political leaders began prematurely relaxing the measures that had been keeping us safe, they destroyed this meaning, and we discovered that we were no longer in this together. Everyone was on their own.
Younger and healthier people cast aside their masks because they did not adequately protect the wearer. (The benefits to those around them were deemed unimportant.) The need for covering up hair roots was more important than protecting the lives of barbers and beauticians. The desire to eat out was more important than safeguarding restaurant workers from infection or the medical people who would be caring for them. The health and well-being of the vulnerable were less important than the foot-stomping, temper tantrums of armed terrorists marching in the streets demanding their freedom. Those at less risk were given permission and encouraged to disregard the higher risk of their fellow citizens. And so, many of us find ourselves in exile in our own homes for longer than is necessary. It is a shame that we are no longer in this together. We distance between us has become more significant because of this selfishness. We have become even more isolated from one another.
(I say this with apologies to those who have survived a far more painful exile than this. I do not intend to minimize your experience. I do see the difference between our experiences as one of degree, if not of substance.)
Exile is an old word first written during the 14th century. Exiles were forcibly removed from their homes. A fiefdom's peasants were relocated because the Earl wanted their land. They could have been the political supporters of a King who lost his crown in a palace coup. Regardless of the circumstances, they became strangers in a strange land. They had to set aside their hopes and dreams, as well as their family and companions. They did not choose their situation. Exile was forced upon them.
I feel that my exile has been forced upon me. The disease has not forced me into exile. It is because of the actions of my fellow citizens. I place myself in danger when I am in public with people who refuse to take the pandemic seriously. I am vulnerable to every unmasked cough, sneeze, and even when others spoken words. (see https://www.erinbromage.com/post/the-risks-know-them-avoid-them) I can control my exposure to the virus. I can't control others and their lack of concern for those they may infect. Therefore, I must live my life in exile from the life I could and should be able to live.
Nor am I alone. Tens of millions of people are vulnerable to significant complications from this virus. African Americans, folks with autoimmune disorders, people with chronic respiratory or cardiac disease, and older people like myself. All of us must choose between exile or living in an exile of fear of contracting COVID-19.
It was easier to deal with isolation when we were all in this together. We felt like we were contributing to the community's health and well-being. Our quarantine was purposeful and beneficial to ourselves and others. But as soon the political leaders began prematurely relaxing the measures that had been keeping us safe, they destroyed this meaning, and we discovered that we were no longer in this together. Everyone was on their own.
Younger and healthier people cast aside their masks because they did not adequately protect the wearer. (The benefits to those around them were deemed unimportant.) The need for covering up hair roots was more important than protecting the lives of barbers and beauticians. The desire to eat out was more important than safeguarding restaurant workers from infection or the medical people who would be caring for them. The health and well-being of the vulnerable were less important than the foot-stomping, temper tantrums of armed terrorists marching in the streets demanding their freedom. Those at less risk were given permission and encouraged to disregard the higher risk of their fellow citizens. And so, many of us find ourselves in exile in our own homes for longer than is necessary. It is a shame that we are no longer in this together. We distance between us has become more significant because of this selfishness. We have become even more isolated from one another.
Survival Tips
How do we handle this exile when we learn that we are no longer "in this together?"
First and foremost, allow yourself to let go of the life you believe you should be living, at least for now. Recognize and process the grief that will come with this loss. Allow the emotions a safe place to vent. Name your losses. Allow your grieving to guide you through the darkened days that will come. However, also know that the tears will end and a new normal will dawn. Our grief is a journey, not a destination.
Second, cultivating hope in your daily living. Hope and despair are not enemies. Despair is the ground out of which our hope grows. Our despair is a sprig of hope struggling to break through into the light. As long as we remain in the darkness, we must struggle through each moment. But when we begin to break free, we draw strength from the light shining in and through our body-mind-soul. That light gives us what we need to persevere with patience. Unfortunately, that darkness may return. Is so, remember that hope and despair are not enemies. We are in the very ground, out of which a newfound hope will soon grow. All you have to do is keep your eyes open to see the light breaking through the gloom. Keep your eyes open; life will do the rest.
Next, stay informed but pay attention to your misery quotient. We must stay up to date with the world around us. The virus is very unpredictable. The community is being pulled apart by opportunistic politicians and greedy business leaders. But, pay attention when the news is stealing from your spirit. Ignore those news outlets that are seeking to make you angry or overwhelm your capacities for love and trust, joy and hope. Instead, listen for the facts about what is happening. Stay in touch with reality and brush aside those who seek to provoke and manipulate. Stay up to date. But protect your spirit from the sadness that grows out of the lies, distortions, and outright scams.
Next, find your community. We all need relationships. We need a place where we can gather around a campfire with others and share our lives. Social distancing makes this very difficult. Technology can help. Facetime with family and friends. Zoom in to meetings with co-workers or companions. Use Facebook or Instagram to share your daily living. Reread some favored authors and become reacquainted with these old friends. Talk to your neighbors by having across-the-street conversations. Journal your remembrances of family and friends who are no longer with you. "Social distancing" is an unfortunate phrase. We need to be physically isolated, but we do not have to be socially or emotionally isolated. Find your community and stay in touch.
Stressful times demand that we become more intentional about caring for our body-mind-soul. Eat well. Get some exercise. Make room for rest. That tiredness you are feeling is the result of stress. Expand your mind. Watch TED talks. Tune in to YouTube and watch documentaries or travelogues. Listen to your favorite music. Explore new artists. Pick up a book. Engage in meaningful conversations with people. Expand your interests. Spend time with yourself, listening in on your inner conversations. Journal your daily activities and review the journal from time to time. Make room for your feelings and be mindful of how you are responding to them. Pay special attention to the changes in your capacity for love and trust, joy and hope. Be intentional about caring for your whole spirit, body-mind-soul.
Do not lose your laughter. Allow humor to soften the blows of exile. Do not let the strange and humorous events escape your notice. Watch those videos of puppies and playful goats on Facebook. Go ahead and laugh out loud when you see the bizarre ironies at play on the news. I read the newspaper comics online every morning. There is healing magic in laughter. Claim the magic.
Lastly, find a project or two! Give yourself a reason to get out of bed each morning. Do something you always wanted but were too busy to put on your schedule. It does not have to be something big. Learn to draw or paint. Take an online course. Explore a new craft. Many years ago, a friend of mine decided that he want to learn to knit. After a few weeks, I asked him how it was going. He said it was going great. He enjoyed the knitting almost as much as he enjoyed pulling his lopsided, poorly shaped projects apart. Besides, he added, I can use the same yarn over and over again! Find a project and take more joy in the "doing" than in the "having done."
We do not choose to live in exile from our hopes and dreams. Life in exile does not feed our soul. We have been forced into it, and all we can do is to find ways to cope. I hope this self-care note has helped you recognize the source of your newfound pain in exile. I further hope it has given you some ideas about how to cope with our new "not-in-this-together" lives. Be well, my friends. The dawn awaits us on the other side of this darkness.
I look forward to walking together, hand-in-hand, into the sunshine once again.
Blessings, my friends. Stay well!
Bob
First and foremost, allow yourself to let go of the life you believe you should be living, at least for now. Recognize and process the grief that will come with this loss. Allow the emotions a safe place to vent. Name your losses. Allow your grieving to guide you through the darkened days that will come. However, also know that the tears will end and a new normal will dawn. Our grief is a journey, not a destination.
Second, cultivating hope in your daily living. Hope and despair are not enemies. Despair is the ground out of which our hope grows. Our despair is a sprig of hope struggling to break through into the light. As long as we remain in the darkness, we must struggle through each moment. But when we begin to break free, we draw strength from the light shining in and through our body-mind-soul. That light gives us what we need to persevere with patience. Unfortunately, that darkness may return. Is so, remember that hope and despair are not enemies. We are in the very ground, out of which a newfound hope will soon grow. All you have to do is keep your eyes open to see the light breaking through the gloom. Keep your eyes open; life will do the rest.
Next, stay informed but pay attention to your misery quotient. We must stay up to date with the world around us. The virus is very unpredictable. The community is being pulled apart by opportunistic politicians and greedy business leaders. But, pay attention when the news is stealing from your spirit. Ignore those news outlets that are seeking to make you angry or overwhelm your capacities for love and trust, joy and hope. Instead, listen for the facts about what is happening. Stay in touch with reality and brush aside those who seek to provoke and manipulate. Stay up to date. But protect your spirit from the sadness that grows out of the lies, distortions, and outright scams.
Next, find your community. We all need relationships. We need a place where we can gather around a campfire with others and share our lives. Social distancing makes this very difficult. Technology can help. Facetime with family and friends. Zoom in to meetings with co-workers or companions. Use Facebook or Instagram to share your daily living. Reread some favored authors and become reacquainted with these old friends. Talk to your neighbors by having across-the-street conversations. Journal your remembrances of family and friends who are no longer with you. "Social distancing" is an unfortunate phrase. We need to be physically isolated, but we do not have to be socially or emotionally isolated. Find your community and stay in touch.
Stressful times demand that we become more intentional about caring for our body-mind-soul. Eat well. Get some exercise. Make room for rest. That tiredness you are feeling is the result of stress. Expand your mind. Watch TED talks. Tune in to YouTube and watch documentaries or travelogues. Listen to your favorite music. Explore new artists. Pick up a book. Engage in meaningful conversations with people. Expand your interests. Spend time with yourself, listening in on your inner conversations. Journal your daily activities and review the journal from time to time. Make room for your feelings and be mindful of how you are responding to them. Pay special attention to the changes in your capacity for love and trust, joy and hope. Be intentional about caring for your whole spirit, body-mind-soul.
Do not lose your laughter. Allow humor to soften the blows of exile. Do not let the strange and humorous events escape your notice. Watch those videos of puppies and playful goats on Facebook. Go ahead and laugh out loud when you see the bizarre ironies at play on the news. I read the newspaper comics online every morning. There is healing magic in laughter. Claim the magic.
Lastly, find a project or two! Give yourself a reason to get out of bed each morning. Do something you always wanted but were too busy to put on your schedule. It does not have to be something big. Learn to draw or paint. Take an online course. Explore a new craft. Many years ago, a friend of mine decided that he want to learn to knit. After a few weeks, I asked him how it was going. He said it was going great. He enjoyed the knitting almost as much as he enjoyed pulling his lopsided, poorly shaped projects apart. Besides, he added, I can use the same yarn over and over again! Find a project and take more joy in the "doing" than in the "having done."
We do not choose to live in exile from our hopes and dreams. Life in exile does not feed our soul. We have been forced into it, and all we can do is to find ways to cope. I hope this self-care note has helped you recognize the source of your newfound pain in exile. I further hope it has given you some ideas about how to cope with our new "not-in-this-together" lives. Be well, my friends. The dawn awaits us on the other side of this darkness.
I look forward to walking together, hand-in-hand, into the sunshine once again.
Blessings, my friends. Stay well!
Bob
pondering hope...
"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one." ~John Lennon
"Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly."
~Langston Hughes
"If you're reading this...
Congratulations, you're alive.
If that's not something to smile about,
then I don't know what is."
~Chad Sugg
"Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly."
~Langston Hughes
"If you're reading this...
Congratulations, you're alive.
If that's not something to smile about,
then I don't know what is."
~Chad Sugg
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