Over the next 6 weeks many families will gather and celebrate the holidays. These gatherings will follow traditional meals and rituals. Old relationships will be renewed. Memories, both good and bad, will likely surface in stories of shared experiences. These gatherings can be very complicated causing most of us to try and slip through or endure. But, they are part of our annual journey and we must accept them for what they are, the opportunity to be part of the family.
However, some years are more stressful than others. There may have been significant changes in the family through marriages, births, deaths, serious illnesses, or divorces that can complicate these get togethers. We, or others, may have had a life changing moment that has not yet been shared that with the wider family. We may be feeling particularly vulnerable over situations or experiences that have nothing to do with the family or the holidays. Regardless, many people find the large holiday gatherings with gamily to be very difficult and will try to either avoid them or limit their participation in them.
Over the next few weeks I will explore how family holiday gatherings can affect us and how we can take care of ourselves if they become too stressful.
However, some years are more stressful than others. There may have been significant changes in the family through marriages, births, deaths, serious illnesses, or divorces that can complicate these get togethers. We, or others, may have had a life changing moment that has not yet been shared that with the wider family. We may be feeling particularly vulnerable over situations or experiences that have nothing to do with the family or the holidays. Regardless, many people find the large holiday gatherings with gamily to be very difficult and will try to either avoid them or limit their participation in them.
Over the next few weeks I will explore how family holiday gatherings can affect us and how we can take care of ourselves if they become too stressful.
Tips
Our tip for this week is a very simple one. It is okay to say “No!” During the holidays, each of us has the choice of saying “No” to demands that would be unhealthy for our body-mind-soul. Does this mean we can slam the door on our family and friends? Does this mean we can hide from discomfort behind a wall of isolation? Should saying “No” be used merely because saying “Yes” would be inconvenient? Not really.
Say “No” to all or part of any holiday gathering when saying yes will have a significant impact on your body-mind-soul.
Say “No” when your gathering will cost you significantly more energy than it will give you.
As “No” when you can reasonably assume that participating in all or part of the gathering will cause you significant sorrow, shame, or fear.
Remember, this is about self-care, not whether you can get a “free pass” from being part of the family. If you legitimately feel that the gathering would be unhealthy for you, “No” is an acceptable option. However, regardless of your choice, be prepared to accept responsibility for your choice. Be prepared to deal with the hurt feelings of others when you do not participate. Be prepared to offer a truthful and straight-forward reason(s) for your choice and leave it at that. Some will accept your choice and some will not. You have no control over others response or to their feelings about your choice. But you will have no choice about whether you will need to live with it. These gatherings can be very healing as well as stressful. Weigh the impact on your body-mind-soul and choose wisely.
Say “No” to all or part of any holiday gathering when saying yes will have a significant impact on your body-mind-soul.
Say “No” when your gathering will cost you significantly more energy than it will give you.
As “No” when you can reasonably assume that participating in all or part of the gathering will cause you significant sorrow, shame, or fear.
Remember, this is about self-care, not whether you can get a “free pass” from being part of the family. If you legitimately feel that the gathering would be unhealthy for you, “No” is an acceptable option. However, regardless of your choice, be prepared to accept responsibility for your choice. Be prepared to deal with the hurt feelings of others when you do not participate. Be prepared to offer a truthful and straight-forward reason(s) for your choice and leave it at that. Some will accept your choice and some will not. You have no control over others response or to their feelings about your choice. But you will have no choice about whether you will need to live with it. These gatherings can be very healing as well as stressful. Weigh the impact on your body-mind-soul and choose wisely.
RSS Feed