Today we begin a new topic. We will explore ways to take care of ourselves when the past keeps bubbling up and intruding into our today. Almost everyone remembers moments when we were embarrassed, ashamed, deeply disappointed, or injured by circumstances or people. Many times, these memories bring with them uncomfortable feelings. They may cause a momentary shudder or feelings that linger and color our world for a significant time. Remembering past hurts and going through those feelings are an expected and useful way to grow in body-mind-soul.
However, when these same memories continue to bubble and trouble in our lives and destroy our peace with ourselves or our world, they are telling us something. Learned life lessons can help us to move through the remembering and find our feet in due time. By learning from them, we find new ways to live with them. And as long as those feelings were not too intense we may be able to recall our learning and even smile at how foolish we were. However, if the experiences were more intense we may still have lingering resentment or anger or sadness. If those remembered experiences were life changing, then even if we have learned from them, they may still evoke deep and intense feelings. However, if we have not learned from these experiences, they not only evoke similar feelings, but they will keep recurring when we bump into similar circumstances. They will continue to intrude and disturb our peace.
For the next few weeks we will explore making peace with the past. We will discover some tools we can use to ease the burdens of yesterday on our todays.
I want to caution you, if your past is severely affecting your ability to have relationships, causing you emotional damage, or making your life completely miserable, then seek professional help. Not everyone needs therapy for the occasional emotional hiccup from the past. But if you have a memory that cannot or will not heal and that causes you intense, life challenging pain, you will need professional help to find your way through that forest. Psychotherapists, psychologists, and other highly trained individuals can help you come to terms with an intensely painful past.
However, if your past only causes you occasional trouble and disturbs you for short periods of time, I invite you to follow these notes for the next few weeks. If you find that they are not able to help you find the peace you want, then I encourage you to seek out a trusted friend to help you. If peace still eludes you, then seek out the professional help I listed above.
You deserve to live each day informed by your past but not burdened with it. Accept your past as part of yourself and find ways to live with it in peace.
However, when these same memories continue to bubble and trouble in our lives and destroy our peace with ourselves or our world, they are telling us something. Learned life lessons can help us to move through the remembering and find our feet in due time. By learning from them, we find new ways to live with them. And as long as those feelings were not too intense we may be able to recall our learning and even smile at how foolish we were. However, if the experiences were more intense we may still have lingering resentment or anger or sadness. If those remembered experiences were life changing, then even if we have learned from them, they may still evoke deep and intense feelings. However, if we have not learned from these experiences, they not only evoke similar feelings, but they will keep recurring when we bump into similar circumstances. They will continue to intrude and disturb our peace.
For the next few weeks we will explore making peace with the past. We will discover some tools we can use to ease the burdens of yesterday on our todays.
I want to caution you, if your past is severely affecting your ability to have relationships, causing you emotional damage, or making your life completely miserable, then seek professional help. Not everyone needs therapy for the occasional emotional hiccup from the past. But if you have a memory that cannot or will not heal and that causes you intense, life challenging pain, you will need professional help to find your way through that forest. Psychotherapists, psychologists, and other highly trained individuals can help you come to terms with an intensely painful past.
However, if your past only causes you occasional trouble and disturbs you for short periods of time, I invite you to follow these notes for the next few weeks. If you find that they are not able to help you find the peace you want, then I encourage you to seek out a trusted friend to help you. If peace still eludes you, then seek out the professional help I listed above.
You deserve to live each day informed by your past but not burdened with it. Accept your past as part of yourself and find ways to live with it in peace.
Tip - Let the Past be the Past
When a “should’a, could’a, would’a” creeps into our daily life we do not have to allow them to steal our joy or energy. When painful memories bubble up into our daily living, our first line of care exists by putting them and ourselves in a new context. We can do so by letting the past be the past.
Don’t judge past decisions with present knowledge. You likely made the best decision you could, given the information you had at the time.
Don’t judge ourselves or other people in our past by present standards. Our standards as individuals and as a society change and grow over time. We or they may have been acting in appropriate ways for the time.
Don’t allow others to respond to you today as the person you were yesterday. While we are always responsible for our actions, we do grow and change. Help others to see who you are today and do not allow them to treat you as the person you once were.
Give the past the respect it deserves. It is the place from which you grew into the person you are today.
Don’t judge past decisions with present knowledge. You likely made the best decision you could, given the information you had at the time.
Don’t judge ourselves or other people in our past by present standards. Our standards as individuals and as a society change and grow over time. We or they may have been acting in appropriate ways for the time.
Don’t allow others to respond to you today as the person you were yesterday. While we are always responsible for our actions, we do grow and change. Help others to see who you are today and do not allow them to treat you as the person you once were.
Give the past the respect it deserves. It is the place from which you grew into the person you are today.
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