We are all familiar with the hooks and eyes (or eyelets) on our clothing. These simple closures make it possible to wear clothing by fashioning two simple little pieces of wire that “Hook together” and keep our clothing secure.
When families gather, we may be reunited with people we have known our entire lives. Old “history” becomes flesh and blood. Have you ever been in a conversation with a long-time relative or former friend and begin feeling like you are 10 years old? Sometimes this may feel pretty good. We may enjoy the comfort of being loved and accepted as only they can. But sometimes it may feel uncomfortable. It may awaken feelings of insecurity or vulnerability. Your relationship with them may not have been a very healthy one. They may be the “hook” to your long-buried feelings about them, the “eye”.
This can be especially true of those who may have been “bullied” or abused when they were young. These people may have been part of a particularly painful part of our growing up or early adult years. Being “hooked” may either be intentional or unintentional. Just being with them may trigger that “hooked” feeling.
It is usually great to be able to reconnect with long-time family and friends. We can grow in our acceptance of who we are by accepting who we have been. We can re-discover long-forgotten parts of our lives and flesh out the vague impressions about ourselves left in remnants of remembrances. But such reconnecting carries the risk of being hooked. Self-care during family gatherings means preparing ourselves for and learning to deal with these experiences.
When families gather, we may be reunited with people we have known our entire lives. Old “history” becomes flesh and blood. Have you ever been in a conversation with a long-time relative or former friend and begin feeling like you are 10 years old? Sometimes this may feel pretty good. We may enjoy the comfort of being loved and accepted as only they can. But sometimes it may feel uncomfortable. It may awaken feelings of insecurity or vulnerability. Your relationship with them may not have been a very healthy one. They may be the “hook” to your long-buried feelings about them, the “eye”.
This can be especially true of those who may have been “bullied” or abused when they were young. These people may have been part of a particularly painful part of our growing up or early adult years. Being “hooked” may either be intentional or unintentional. Just being with them may trigger that “hooked” feeling.
It is usually great to be able to reconnect with long-time family and friends. We can grow in our acceptance of who we are by accepting who we have been. We can re-discover long-forgotten parts of our lives and flesh out the vague impressions about ourselves left in remnants of remembrances. But such reconnecting carries the risk of being hooked. Self-care during family gatherings means preparing ourselves for and learning to deal with these experiences.
Tip -- Avoiding the Hook and Eyes of Family Gatherings
- Keep your soul open so that you can see them coming and be prepared.
- Resist the hooks. These may be the personal jabs, barbs, stories, or old memories. Be aware of them and do not take them personally. They are history, allow them to remain in the past.
- Protect the holes in your soul (the eyelets), negative feelings and suspicions that we may have buried deep within. This is where the hooks are most likely to attach themselves. Deal with these holes in the soul and bring them out front where you can learn to live with them. Hopefully, in dealing with them you can allow them to heal.
- When all else fails, disengage and move on. You do not have to subject yourself to these feelings.
- However, these experiences can be indications of some very serious trauma in your life. If you find that you cannot disengage or move on, seek out a therapist to help you deal with these experiences. You owe it to yourself.
RSS Feed