There are those special moments when I am facing a difficult question or situation when a familiar voice rises within and offers some bit of forgotten wisdom. Sometimes I can recognize the voice and tone. Sometimes there is simply a familiarity about it, but I cannot identify the one speaking. Sometimes they are voices of family and friends who have died while other times they are from authors/scholars who I have studied. Sometimes they are the words of friends who passed through my life and moved on. At times they are friends and family who do not happen to be present at the time. There have been times when I have engaged these voices in conversation, struggling to understand what they are saying. At other times I hear them and add them to the jumble of thoughts. These conversations are not only ok, they are normal and helpful (usually).
Our mind is a deep reservoir of memories that help us understand and reflect on our lives. It includes things we have learned, experiences we have shared, and insights that have accumulated over the years. Much of this information is held in narratives around people we have studied, encountered, or known personally. As these people passed through our lives, they have left us with ideas, experiences, and insights that have become part of the way that we see and understand the world within and beyond our selves.
Unfortunately, some of these memories have been lost and forgotten. Some can be recovered by recalling the person who was involved in creating the memory. In fact, I believe, we keep some people in our minds to hold on to the things they taught us. We hold on to them to keep them alive. We want to hold on to them as conversation partners. We want to keep them as companions to remind us of insights and ideas. Sometimes, the things we have learned from them are “too important” to be forgotten and by creating space in our memories for them, we increase the odds of remembering what they taught us.
Self-care of the mind among friends and enemies involves being aware of and responding appropriately to these people in our “heads.” They include many who may no longer be physically part of our lives, but they can also include the people around us who influence the way we see and think about ourselves and the world around us.
Are these voices truly helpful or do they seem to interfere and tear down healthy ways of dealing with our lives?
These voices can rip apart our self-esteem. They can lead us to doubt ourselves and the people around us. They can form the framework for long-held prejudices. On the other hand, they can help us see through the fog of the present by offering a broader perspective on our lives. They can help us deal with the real world by challenging any ideas that merely serve the moment. These voices can remind us that we are far more than who we believe we are in this moment of despair, failure, or disappointment.
By listening to and identifying these many voices, we can decide how much time and influence will we allow them over our memory and reasoning. Ultimately, we can decide how much space do you give your friends and enemies in your mind – reasoning and memory. There are some voices that can be released. This may include forgetting, forgiving, or simply ignoring. Others may need to be recovered so that we can explore the gifts they offer. Regardless, by carefully attending to the voices and people that “live in our heads” we can offer self-care to our minds when we are among our friends and enemies.
Our mind is a deep reservoir of memories that help us understand and reflect on our lives. It includes things we have learned, experiences we have shared, and insights that have accumulated over the years. Much of this information is held in narratives around people we have studied, encountered, or known personally. As these people passed through our lives, they have left us with ideas, experiences, and insights that have become part of the way that we see and understand the world within and beyond our selves.
Unfortunately, some of these memories have been lost and forgotten. Some can be recovered by recalling the person who was involved in creating the memory. In fact, I believe, we keep some people in our minds to hold on to the things they taught us. We hold on to them to keep them alive. We want to hold on to them as conversation partners. We want to keep them as companions to remind us of insights and ideas. Sometimes, the things we have learned from them are “too important” to be forgotten and by creating space in our memories for them, we increase the odds of remembering what they taught us.
Self-care of the mind among friends and enemies involves being aware of and responding appropriately to these people in our “heads.” They include many who may no longer be physically part of our lives, but they can also include the people around us who influence the way we see and think about ourselves and the world around us.
Are these voices truly helpful or do they seem to interfere and tear down healthy ways of dealing with our lives?
These voices can rip apart our self-esteem. They can lead us to doubt ourselves and the people around us. They can form the framework for long-held prejudices. On the other hand, they can help us see through the fog of the present by offering a broader perspective on our lives. They can help us deal with the real world by challenging any ideas that merely serve the moment. These voices can remind us that we are far more than who we believe we are in this moment of despair, failure, or disappointment.
By listening to and identifying these many voices, we can decide how much time and influence will we allow them over our memory and reasoning. Ultimately, we can decide how much space do you give your friends and enemies in your mind – reasoning and memory. There are some voices that can be released. This may include forgetting, forgiving, or simply ignoring. Others may need to be recovered so that we can explore the gifts they offer. Regardless, by carefully attending to the voices and people that “live in our heads” we can offer self-care to our minds when we are among our friends and enemies.
TIPS
Listen for those lingering relationships in your internal conversations. Identify, as best you can who they are and where you encountered them. Make a list and then ask yourself the following questions about each one.
How do they help you through your daily living? Enhance your inner conversation? Do they increase your capacity for love and trust, joy and hope? Do they bring you an uncomfortable growth of insight?
How do they interfere with your daily living? Do they tear down your self-image? Do they steal your trust and joy? Do they challenge you hope and love? Do they encourage your negative feelings about yourself and the world around you?
Identify those voices that need to be retained in your memory and Learning to let go of the rest. Remember, we need both friendly choices that affirm and challenging voices (whether they be friend of foe) to help us grow. Keep those that are helpful and disregard those that are not. If a destructive voice persists you may want to see the help of a trusted friend or therapist. But you do not need to yield space in your mind to those voices that do not serve your health and happiness. Discerning the voices and taking steps to use them to promote your love and trust, joy and hope is good self-care.
Bob
How do they help you through your daily living? Enhance your inner conversation? Do they increase your capacity for love and trust, joy and hope? Do they bring you an uncomfortable growth of insight?
How do they interfere with your daily living? Do they tear down your self-image? Do they steal your trust and joy? Do they challenge you hope and love? Do they encourage your negative feelings about yourself and the world around you?
Identify those voices that need to be retained in your memory and Learning to let go of the rest. Remember, we need both friendly choices that affirm and challenging voices (whether they be friend of foe) to help us grow. Keep those that are helpful and disregard those that are not. If a destructive voice persists you may want to see the help of a trusted friend or therapist. But you do not need to yield space in your mind to those voices that do not serve your health and happiness. Discerning the voices and taking steps to use them to promote your love and trust, joy and hope is good self-care.
Bob
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