General Information – The Unwelcome Journey
Many people approach grief as a disease that attacks the human soul. They see it as abnormal. Something that is to be fought and defeated. They see grief as something to get over, to resolve so that we can get on with our lives. I do not agree.
Grief is the expected and perfectly normal response to an unwelcome change in our lives. We certainly grieve over the loss of a spouse or child. But we also grieve over the loss of a job or our health. Grief is the way human spirit responds to an unwelcome change in our lives, particularly when that change is caused by a significant loss.
Some traditions argue that grief is caused by being attached to people, things, or situations. And, they are quite right. We only grieve the loss of that which we love. One way to avoid grief is to not form any attachments. However, most of us would rather live in relationships knowing that they may lead to grief. In this sense, when we choose to love, we also choose to risk grief.
For the next few weeks we will be exploring ways to take care of ourselves especially when we grieve. We will explore the profound impact that grief has on our body, mind, and soul. Coping with grief is a life skill that develops as we find what works for us.
There are no stages of grief. Everyone grieves in their own way. Our grief can be as unique as a finger print. However, there are some things we can do to help us cope with the unwelcome journey through our grief. For some losses, the grief will recede deep into the background of our lives. For others, the grief will remain much closer to the surface of our daily living. The goal is not to “resolve or defeat” our grief. It is to learn to cope with it so that we can live a “new normal” in which the grief will play a manageable role.
I invite you to consider your grief as we explore ways to help you cope with the changes it brings to your body, mind, and soul. I hope you will find your own way to “grieve well” for the losses that come to your life.
Grief is the expected and perfectly normal response to an unwelcome change in our lives. We certainly grieve over the loss of a spouse or child. But we also grieve over the loss of a job or our health. Grief is the way human spirit responds to an unwelcome change in our lives, particularly when that change is caused by a significant loss.
Some traditions argue that grief is caused by being attached to people, things, or situations. And, they are quite right. We only grieve the loss of that which we love. One way to avoid grief is to not form any attachments. However, most of us would rather live in relationships knowing that they may lead to grief. In this sense, when we choose to love, we also choose to risk grief.
For the next few weeks we will be exploring ways to take care of ourselves especially when we grieve. We will explore the profound impact that grief has on our body, mind, and soul. Coping with grief is a life skill that develops as we find what works for us.
There are no stages of grief. Everyone grieves in their own way. Our grief can be as unique as a finger print. However, there are some things we can do to help us cope with the unwelcome journey through our grief. For some losses, the grief will recede deep into the background of our lives. For others, the grief will remain much closer to the surface of our daily living. The goal is not to “resolve or defeat” our grief. It is to learn to cope with it so that we can live a “new normal” in which the grief will play a manageable role.
I invite you to consider your grief as we explore ways to help you cope with the changes it brings to your body, mind, and soul. I hope you will find your own way to “grieve well” for the losses that come to your life.
Tips – Am I Grieving?
We are not always aware that the things that are happening to us are grief or something else. I have been asked many, many times by someone during a loss “Am I crazy?” They want to explain the tiredness, the lack of mental focus, the anger at themselves or their loved one with something that makes sense.
“I must be crazy?”
“It is that crazy brother of mine that is making me so angry.”
“I was not this sad when I lost my Dad. There has to be something else going on.”
But, in every case, these were simply the signs that the person was grieving a particular loss.
Therefore, our first tip this week is to help us identify when we are grieving.
1. Have you experienced an unwelcome change in your life that has forced you to change the way you live? If so you are likely in grief.
2. Do you find yourself experiencing a longing for someone or something that brings waves of sadness?
3. Are you isolating yourself from family or friends because you just do not feel like being around people right now?
4. Are you having problems concentrating on something for any length of time?
5. Has your eating or sleeping habits changed dramatically?
6. Is the first thought each morning about your loss or unwelcome change?
7. Are you upset or angry with yourself for not being able to handle your emotions?
If you have three or more of numbers 2-7 but cannot remember an unwelcome change, then you may want to look harder. Sometimes, our grief can be delayed for weeks, months, or even years. We may have been so busy burying our grief in work or other ways of coping that we have put it off until now. When it finally surfaces, it can be as if the change just happened. So, look back and ask yourself if you have ever worked through any losses in your recent or even distant past. If you cannot find the unwelcome change, I suggest you seek out a professional to help you begin your unwelcome journey through your grief.
“I must be crazy?”
“It is that crazy brother of mine that is making me so angry.”
“I was not this sad when I lost my Dad. There has to be something else going on.”
But, in every case, these were simply the signs that the person was grieving a particular loss.
Therefore, our first tip this week is to help us identify when we are grieving.
1. Have you experienced an unwelcome change in your life that has forced you to change the way you live? If so you are likely in grief.
2. Do you find yourself experiencing a longing for someone or something that brings waves of sadness?
3. Are you isolating yourself from family or friends because you just do not feel like being around people right now?
4. Are you having problems concentrating on something for any length of time?
5. Has your eating or sleeping habits changed dramatically?
6. Is the first thought each morning about your loss or unwelcome change?
7. Are you upset or angry with yourself for not being able to handle your emotions?
If you have three or more of numbers 2-7 but cannot remember an unwelcome change, then you may want to look harder. Sometimes, our grief can be delayed for weeks, months, or even years. We may have been so busy burying our grief in work or other ways of coping that we have put it off until now. When it finally surfaces, it can be as if the change just happened. So, look back and ask yourself if you have ever worked through any losses in your recent or even distant past. If you cannot find the unwelcome change, I suggest you seek out a professional to help you begin your unwelcome journey through your grief.
RSS Feed