General Information – The Physical Response to Grief
We tend to think of grief as an emotional response. And, because emotions cannot be controlled, we fear that our grief can “get away” from us and we will lose control. But grief is not simply an emotional response to an unwelcome change. It touches our whole lives, including our body. It effects the way that we act upon the world around us.
The good news is that we do have some measure of control over it. We cannot make it go away, but we can exert control over how we express and respond to it. This is especially true of the physical experiences of grief.
Our bodies may experience grief in several ways.
Tiredness – Grief demands a great deal of energy from us. If you have ever had to spend time in an extremely uncomfortable social setting, then you know how tiring it can be. Being constantly on guard against the waves of grief that wash over us or simply trying to hide our feelings from the world can wear us out. We use up our reserve energy with a trip to the grocery store or bank. When we place out heads on our pillows at night we may be too exhausted to sleep. Thus, we may live each day in constant need of a good long nap!
Disruption of Sleep and Eating Patterns – We may experience a significant change in our sleep and eating patterns. We may eat and sleep more or eat and sleep less. We may eat for comfort or sleep to get away from our thoughts. Or, we may not want to eat at all. We tell ourselves that we are just not hungry. We may also spend every night wide awake and then struggle to stay away during the day. Grief is a profound disturbance in our lives and our bodies may try different ways of coping with the emotions and challenges that come with our unwelcome loss. This may include our eating and sleeping habits.
Lowered Resistance to Disease – More and more literature is suggesting that grief, as a type of stress response, has a subtle but powerful effect on our immunity to disease. As our bodies become more tired and our eating and sleeping patterns change, we may find ourselves catching a cold for the first time in 20 years. The chemical changes within the body may make us more vulnerable to the ordinary, garden variety of virus around us. We may become more likely to have stomach or intestinal problems. According to some authorities, grief can literally make you sick.
With these physical changes that may come with our grief, self-care demands that we do our best to reduce our risk. This is where we have some measure of control which I will cover in the tips section to follow. We cannot control the ebb and flow of the feelings of loss or sadness or loneliness. But we can do something about how they act upon our body. We can reduce our vulnerability to tiredness, poor eating or sleeping, and disease. When we grieve, we are not simply victims. We can become agents for healing in our journey through grief.
The good news is that we do have some measure of control over it. We cannot make it go away, but we can exert control over how we express and respond to it. This is especially true of the physical experiences of grief.
Our bodies may experience grief in several ways.
Tiredness – Grief demands a great deal of energy from us. If you have ever had to spend time in an extremely uncomfortable social setting, then you know how tiring it can be. Being constantly on guard against the waves of grief that wash over us or simply trying to hide our feelings from the world can wear us out. We use up our reserve energy with a trip to the grocery store or bank. When we place out heads on our pillows at night we may be too exhausted to sleep. Thus, we may live each day in constant need of a good long nap!
Disruption of Sleep and Eating Patterns – We may experience a significant change in our sleep and eating patterns. We may eat and sleep more or eat and sleep less. We may eat for comfort or sleep to get away from our thoughts. Or, we may not want to eat at all. We tell ourselves that we are just not hungry. We may also spend every night wide awake and then struggle to stay away during the day. Grief is a profound disturbance in our lives and our bodies may try different ways of coping with the emotions and challenges that come with our unwelcome loss. This may include our eating and sleeping habits.
Lowered Resistance to Disease – More and more literature is suggesting that grief, as a type of stress response, has a subtle but powerful effect on our immunity to disease. As our bodies become more tired and our eating and sleeping patterns change, we may find ourselves catching a cold for the first time in 20 years. The chemical changes within the body may make us more vulnerable to the ordinary, garden variety of virus around us. We may become more likely to have stomach or intestinal problems. According to some authorities, grief can literally make you sick.
With these physical changes that may come with our grief, self-care demands that we do our best to reduce our risk. This is where we have some measure of control which I will cover in the tips section to follow. We cannot control the ebb and flow of the feelings of loss or sadness or loneliness. But we can do something about how they act upon our body. We can reduce our vulnerability to tiredness, poor eating or sleeping, and disease. When we grieve, we are not simply victims. We can become agents for healing in our journey through grief.
Tips – Rest Well, Eat Well, Exercise Well, and Protect yourself from infections.
Rest Well – The key to a good night’s rest is in allowing the body, mind, and soul time to decompress and be ready for sleep. When grief interferes with this, it becomes more difficult that we have trouble getting to or staying sleep and we end up napping during the day. One tip for getting past this is by establishing a routine before bed. Try to follow the same routine every night for a couple of weeks and see if it helps you get to sleep. Avoid snacks and liquids before bedtime. Avoid exercise or spending time on your phone or iPad before bed. Listening to music or reading can be helpful for some folks. Finally, resist the temptation to sleep during the day. Stay active during the day and your sleep pattern should return to something more normal
Eat Well – Many are prone to either binge eating for comfort or losing their appetite. Force yourself to eat 3 – 5 smalls meals a day. Avoid overly starchy or highly processed foods like junk food. Eat simple meals with healthy portions of fat, protein, and starch. Eat whole grains, fresh fruit, and nuts. By eating smaller meals more often the craving for snacks will not be as strong. Many find it helpful to enjoy at least 1-2 meals a day with someone else.
Exercise Well – A short walk will help your body relax and release you from the bondage of your grief, at least temporarily. These are not strenuous exercises, but simply keeping your body active. Take the elevator for two floors up and three floors down. Leave the car in the garage for a quick trip to the neighborhood store. When shopping make a few extra laps of the store. Rather than sitting and watching TV after supper, take a quick walk around the block.
Protect Yourself from Infections – Be aware of your environment when you are out. Avoid areas where you will be brought into close contact with people who may be sneezing and coughing. While this is not always possible, limit your exposure as much as you can. Wash your hands frequently and follow with an alcohol disinfectant cleanser. Watching your diet and exercise will also help your immune system stay vigilant.
Each of these tips are good for any time. But when we are weakened by our grief they can be lifesavers. Take good care of yourself. You may be sad and lonely now, but you have a life to live. Help yourself discover that you are not a victim of grief. You have choices that can improve your life even while you grieve.
Eat Well – Many are prone to either binge eating for comfort or losing their appetite. Force yourself to eat 3 – 5 smalls meals a day. Avoid overly starchy or highly processed foods like junk food. Eat simple meals with healthy portions of fat, protein, and starch. Eat whole grains, fresh fruit, and nuts. By eating smaller meals more often the craving for snacks will not be as strong. Many find it helpful to enjoy at least 1-2 meals a day with someone else.
Exercise Well – A short walk will help your body relax and release you from the bondage of your grief, at least temporarily. These are not strenuous exercises, but simply keeping your body active. Take the elevator for two floors up and three floors down. Leave the car in the garage for a quick trip to the neighborhood store. When shopping make a few extra laps of the store. Rather than sitting and watching TV after supper, take a quick walk around the block.
Protect Yourself from Infections – Be aware of your environment when you are out. Avoid areas where you will be brought into close contact with people who may be sneezing and coughing. While this is not always possible, limit your exposure as much as you can. Wash your hands frequently and follow with an alcohol disinfectant cleanser. Watching your diet and exercise will also help your immune system stay vigilant.
Each of these tips are good for any time. But when we are weakened by our grief they can be lifesavers. Take good care of yourself. You may be sad and lonely now, but you have a life to live. Help yourself discover that you are not a victim of grief. You have choices that can improve your life even while you grieve.
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