One of the most popular activities for family holiday gatherings is sharing stories. We share old stories that grow and evolve over the years. We share new stories of significant events from the past year. We also hear and incorporate new stories from our family members lives. This storytelling becomes part of our understanding of who we are as a family and as individual members of it. They become our oral history that we pass on to new members of the family and use to remember those who are no longer with us. Storytelling is an essential part of family life.
However, these stories can be sources of pain. They can bring past hurts to life. A story, told and retold, can re-trap us into being the person we were when we were young. If we were shy and unsure of ourselves as a teenager, any stories that highlighted those traits can lead us to lapse back into them around family members. These stories may lead us to doubt ourselves and cause genuine emotional pain.
Therefore, it is important that we keep these stories and family histories in perspective. Those that help us move forward in our capacity for love and trust, joy and hope should be cherished and renewed. Those that decrease our capacity for love and trust, joy and hope should be set aside as an old book that no longer speaks to our life. Not all stories are valid or helpful. By keeping each in proper perspective we can participate in family gatherings and celebrate the oral history of our “tribe.”
However, these stories can be sources of pain. They can bring past hurts to life. A story, told and retold, can re-trap us into being the person we were when we were young. If we were shy and unsure of ourselves as a teenager, any stories that highlighted those traits can lead us to lapse back into them around family members. These stories may lead us to doubt ourselves and cause genuine emotional pain.
Therefore, it is important that we keep these stories and family histories in perspective. Those that help us move forward in our capacity for love and trust, joy and hope should be cherished and renewed. Those that decrease our capacity for love and trust, joy and hope should be set aside as an old book that no longer speaks to our life. Not all stories are valid or helpful. By keeping each in proper perspective we can participate in family gatherings and celebrate the oral history of our “tribe.”
Tip -- Healthy re-Membering
These stories can re-member our lives, bringing us back together after a year of being drawn and stretched by life. They can remind us of who we are beyond this particular moment and lead us to continue forward with all that we are.
Questions for Re-membering
Re-member your story and the story of your family by using the Holiday Gatherings as a time to wrestle with the hurtful stories and to find joy and comfort in the cherished memories.
Questions for Re-membering
- Is this story hurtful or helpful?
- Does this story offer us insight into something we never saw in ourselves?
- Does this story stir up old, negative ideas about ourselves or our family that have already been addressed in our lives?
- Does this story open up our way forward or close the door on our future?
- Would leaving this story behind strengthen our family ties?
- Is this story meaningful in accurately reflecting who I am and the way I understand my family?
Re-member your story and the story of your family by using the Holiday Gatherings as a time to wrestle with the hurtful stories and to find joy and comfort in the cherished memories.
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