General Information
Multiple studies have demonstrated that human contact is an essential part of the human experience. The largest organ in our body is our skin. It is designed to receive and to share human contact. It allows us to know that we are not alone.
Along with human touch, we also can sense another’s presence through Spatial Contact. Physical touch is primarily a skin sensation interpreted through the mind and soul. Spatial contact is a multisensory experience of hearing, seeing, and feeling a presence interpreted through the mind and soul as well. Together, physical touch and spatial contact allow us to enter into and participate in relationships.
These capacities come in many varieties. There is the tender touch of the lover and the abusive touch of the attacker. There is a comforting presence of a friend and a threatening presence of an enemy. These senses allow for one person to communicate non-verbally with another non-verbally. They assist us in assessing whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. The mind remembers previous contacts and interprets this contact. The soul then responds with a feeling that will guide us in making a decision about whether to pursue or break off the relationship.
Physical touch and spatial contact also allow us to develop the most intimate and close relationships possible. They permit a closeness that language fails to capture. Touch and spatial contact are key to developing and maintaining proper distance in our relationships.
There are concentric zones of safe space around our bodies that no one may enter without our permission. There are limits to the places on our bodies for physical touch. Each of us are responsible for permitting or denying Physical Touch and Spatial Contact. In doing so we establish and manage the relationships that surround us.
Therefore, self-care requires that we know and protect our physical and spatial boundaries. Doing so not only protects us from abuse, but it can also foster a sense of security and well-being. We can use physical touch and spatial contact not only to keep some people “out” but also allow other folks “in.” In the process, we bring into our lives people who nurture and care for us. We discover that we are not alone!
Along with human touch, we also can sense another’s presence through Spatial Contact. Physical touch is primarily a skin sensation interpreted through the mind and soul. Spatial contact is a multisensory experience of hearing, seeing, and feeling a presence interpreted through the mind and soul as well. Together, physical touch and spatial contact allow us to enter into and participate in relationships.
These capacities come in many varieties. There is the tender touch of the lover and the abusive touch of the attacker. There is a comforting presence of a friend and a threatening presence of an enemy. These senses allow for one person to communicate non-verbally with another non-verbally. They assist us in assessing whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy. The mind remembers previous contacts and interprets this contact. The soul then responds with a feeling that will guide us in making a decision about whether to pursue or break off the relationship.
Physical touch and spatial contact also allow us to develop the most intimate and close relationships possible. They permit a closeness that language fails to capture. Touch and spatial contact are key to developing and maintaining proper distance in our relationships.
There are concentric zones of safe space around our bodies that no one may enter without our permission. There are limits to the places on our bodies for physical touch. Each of us are responsible for permitting or denying Physical Touch and Spatial Contact. In doing so we establish and manage the relationships that surround us.
Therefore, self-care requires that we know and protect our physical and spatial boundaries. Doing so not only protects us from abuse, but it can also foster a sense of security and well-being. We can use physical touch and spatial contact not only to keep some people “out” but also allow other folks “in.” In the process, we bring into our lives people who nurture and care for us. We discover that we are not alone!
Tip -- Learning to Stay InTouch
InTouch is a practice that allows us to become more sensitive and aware of our physical and spatial comfort zones.
First, remember the feelings that occurred the last time someone “invaded your personal space.” That sense of alarm serves as a warning.
Second, draw a series of four concentric circles on a piece of paper at roughly 2 inch distances. Place a dot in the center. You are the dot and it represents physical touch. The 1st zone represents intimate relationships, or Kissing Zone. The 2nd Zone represents the close friends Zone. The 3rd Zone represents acquaintances, or Conversational or Zone. The 4th Zone represents the public, or Business Zone. Beyond the last circle represents the Stanger Zone, or Walk Across the Street Zone. The actually physical distance may vary depending on the relationship you have with those around you but we each have these zones.
Third, using your Facebook, Address book, or other list of friends, place their initials in the various zones.
Last, over the next week remain mindful of these zones as you encounter these people and begin to recognize the distances that you maintain between yourself and other people. Do you experience any of the Alarm Feelings with these people? Do you have some folks in the wrong zones? Are your boundaries too close or just about right? How aware are you of the feelings that these people’s physical presence trigger in your soul?
A bonus step might include considering the Physical Contact that you allow in your life. Which of these trigger an Alarm feeling? Which ones trigger a sense of comfort? Which one’s trigger a far deeper desire for closeness? Are your boundaries just about right or is there some confusion in them? If you have any concerns about these, seek out a trusted friend who can help you sort them out.
First, remember the feelings that occurred the last time someone “invaded your personal space.” That sense of alarm serves as a warning.
Second, draw a series of four concentric circles on a piece of paper at roughly 2 inch distances. Place a dot in the center. You are the dot and it represents physical touch. The 1st zone represents intimate relationships, or Kissing Zone. The 2nd Zone represents the close friends Zone. The 3rd Zone represents acquaintances, or Conversational or Zone. The 4th Zone represents the public, or Business Zone. Beyond the last circle represents the Stanger Zone, or Walk Across the Street Zone. The actually physical distance may vary depending on the relationship you have with those around you but we each have these zones.
Third, using your Facebook, Address book, or other list of friends, place their initials in the various zones.
Last, over the next week remain mindful of these zones as you encounter these people and begin to recognize the distances that you maintain between yourself and other people. Do you experience any of the Alarm Feelings with these people? Do you have some folks in the wrong zones? Are your boundaries too close or just about right? How aware are you of the feelings that these people’s physical presence trigger in your soul?
A bonus step might include considering the Physical Contact that you allow in your life. Which of these trigger an Alarm feeling? Which ones trigger a sense of comfort? Which one’s trigger a far deeper desire for closeness? Are your boundaries just about right or is there some confusion in them? If you have any concerns about these, seek out a trusted friend who can help you sort them out.
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