This week I will conclude the series on dealing with headwinds in life. One of those inconvenient facts or life is that headwinds happen. We cannot control their presence or intensity. We have limited control over how they affect our hopes, plans, and dream. They simply blow where they will and we have to find a way to live with them. They are not unlike the inevitable, unwelcome guest. When they show up we have some decisions to make. We must decide how we will deal with and make room for them. They are coming whether we like it or not.
The headwinds will change our lives. In the short-term they will make our lives more difficult. We may have some longer term impact but we cannot know what it will be. They may make us angry, anxious, vulnerable, or overwhelmed. What can we do to make their time with us endurable?
Too often we see ourselves as their victim as soon as we see them coming,. We are convinced that they are out to do us harm and we cannot stop them. When they arrive at our door these feelings grow in intensity. Our relationship to them is poisoned from the start. We can become their victim before we open the door.
The word “victim” has an interesting origin. It originally referred to a creature that was killed as a religious sacrifice. To be a victim was to be a sacrifice, one who suffered unjustly for others. Seeing ourselves as victims of our headwinds allows us to console ourselves with martyrdom. We didn’t deserve it but we endured it. A victim goes headlong into the coming storm and simply hopes to survive. It seems to me that when we see ourselves as victims of the headwinds we have already determined their impact on our lives.
I began looking for another metaphor. At first I thought I would go with the opposite of victim. I found two words that serve as opposites of victim, perpetrator and survivor. Neither of these seemed to capture a healthy way to deal with headwinds. A survivor is one who has endured and come out on top by beating the odds. A perpetrator is often a victim who has gained the upper hand and commits the same violence they endured themselves. The second is just wrong. The former tends to continue to identify themselves as perpetual surviving victims. And so I searched farther afield and returned to an old metaphor that continues to speak, the sailor.
The sailor knows how real the headwinds are and does not discount their power. The sailor adjusts their sails to use the headwinds to get to where they want to go, though it may not be the most direct route. But sometimes, the sailor knows they have to hunker down and wait the headwinds out. We need to let go of the idea that we are victims of life. We are sailors on the sea of life. We can and should accept responsibility for our own trip in our own little boat.
Self-care offers us tips on the “how” of sailing, but knowledge is useless without the resolve to unfurl the sails, set the keel board, and take hold of the tiller. The sailor learns from every trip. The sailor makes mistakes and struggles to learn from them. The sailor endures by acknowledging the headwinds, making room in their life for them (when possible), and then sailing on. They celebrate the small victories but do not lose heart in their defeats.
Do not allow the headwinds to embitter you or turn you into a perpetrator? Do not allow them to fill your soul with a permanent self-concept of victimhood. Both are breeding grounds for a hubris that looks down on others who are struggling with the same headwinds.
Humbly acknowledge the reality that $&^% happens, even to you. Do your best to deal with it, using it to learn or achieve your hopes, if possible. If not, do your best to limit the damage it may do to you and those around you (hunkering down.) And lastly, when the headwinds have blown through, move on. You have a life ahead of you and when the winds die down you are still responsible for your own little boat.
Good sailing!
The headwinds will change our lives. In the short-term they will make our lives more difficult. We may have some longer term impact but we cannot know what it will be. They may make us angry, anxious, vulnerable, or overwhelmed. What can we do to make their time with us endurable?
Too often we see ourselves as their victim as soon as we see them coming,. We are convinced that they are out to do us harm and we cannot stop them. When they arrive at our door these feelings grow in intensity. Our relationship to them is poisoned from the start. We can become their victim before we open the door.
The word “victim” has an interesting origin. It originally referred to a creature that was killed as a religious sacrifice. To be a victim was to be a sacrifice, one who suffered unjustly for others. Seeing ourselves as victims of our headwinds allows us to console ourselves with martyrdom. We didn’t deserve it but we endured it. A victim goes headlong into the coming storm and simply hopes to survive. It seems to me that when we see ourselves as victims of the headwinds we have already determined their impact on our lives.
I began looking for another metaphor. At first I thought I would go with the opposite of victim. I found two words that serve as opposites of victim, perpetrator and survivor. Neither of these seemed to capture a healthy way to deal with headwinds. A survivor is one who has endured and come out on top by beating the odds. A perpetrator is often a victim who has gained the upper hand and commits the same violence they endured themselves. The second is just wrong. The former tends to continue to identify themselves as perpetual surviving victims. And so I searched farther afield and returned to an old metaphor that continues to speak, the sailor.
The sailor knows how real the headwinds are and does not discount their power. The sailor adjusts their sails to use the headwinds to get to where they want to go, though it may not be the most direct route. But sometimes, the sailor knows they have to hunker down and wait the headwinds out. We need to let go of the idea that we are victims of life. We are sailors on the sea of life. We can and should accept responsibility for our own trip in our own little boat.
Self-care offers us tips on the “how” of sailing, but knowledge is useless without the resolve to unfurl the sails, set the keel board, and take hold of the tiller. The sailor learns from every trip. The sailor makes mistakes and struggles to learn from them. The sailor endures by acknowledging the headwinds, making room in their life for them (when possible), and then sailing on. They celebrate the small victories but do not lose heart in their defeats.
Do not allow the headwinds to embitter you or turn you into a perpetrator? Do not allow them to fill your soul with a permanent self-concept of victimhood. Both are breeding grounds for a hubris that looks down on others who are struggling with the same headwinds.
Humbly acknowledge the reality that $&^% happens, even to you. Do your best to deal with it, using it to learn or achieve your hopes, if possible. If not, do your best to limit the damage it may do to you and those around you (hunkering down.) And lastly, when the headwinds have blown through, move on. You have a life ahead of you and when the winds die down you are still responsible for your own little boat.
Good sailing!
RSS Feed