Zen Buddhism speaks of our having a little self and a big self. The little self is that part of the inner life that is unable to escape the orbit of self-concern or desire. It is the “me” as opposed to the “I.” It is the place where our wants and needs seem to dominate the conversation. It is most active in those who do not have a deep relationship with themselves. They have trouble seeing themselves apart from their wants and desires. The little self is mostly likely to engage in overthinking because, after all, it really is “all about me.” A set-back is taken personally and so we muster all our faculties to deal with it. Failure is always our fault and we must avoid it at all costs.
The big self, the “I”, sees itself as part of something bigger than the self. It recognizes connections and influences beyond the control of the self. The big self is able to admit that there is such a thing as luck or destiny, depending on your faith. It allows us to relax and engage where we can and step back when necessary. The big self lets go of the feeling that our lives depend solely on how we react in this or that situation. It lives in a present that is rich with influences and opportunities beyond our ability to know or discern in advance. The big self gives us the capacity to celebrate and engage surprises and challenges.
When we find ourselves experiencing anxiety because we are overthinking our situation, it is time to step back and gain a wider perspective from the big self. In doing so we can proceed without becoming mired in the mud of the “me”, the little self. By seeing our lives through the big self, we discover that it is not all about me. It is really all about us!
The big self, the “I”, sees itself as part of something bigger than the self. It recognizes connections and influences beyond the control of the self. The big self is able to admit that there is such a thing as luck or destiny, depending on your faith. It allows us to relax and engage where we can and step back when necessary. The big self lets go of the feeling that our lives depend solely on how we react in this or that situation. It lives in a present that is rich with influences and opportunities beyond our ability to know or discern in advance. The big self gives us the capacity to celebrate and engage surprises and challenges.
When we find ourselves experiencing anxiety because we are overthinking our situation, it is time to step back and gain a wider perspective from the big self. In doing so we can proceed without becoming mired in the mud of the “me”, the little self. By seeing our lives through the big self, we discover that it is not all about me. It is really all about us!
Tip -- Stepping Back while Moving forward
We can best see our lives through the big self when we:
By leaning into the future using these three steps, we can see the broader landscape. This removes our anxiety of the uncertainty and allows us to move forward, reassured that we, and our friends, can deal with whatever problems may arise.
- Foster Gratitude by remembering that we did not get to this place by ourselves. Remember those who have helped you along the way.
- Open our senses so that we can see and hear that we are not alone in this journey.
- Accept the limits of our understanding so that we can embrace, with humility, who we are, where we are, and where we want to go.
By leaning into the future using these three steps, we can see the broader landscape. This removes our anxiety of the uncertainty and allows us to move forward, reassured that we, and our friends, can deal with whatever problems may arise.
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