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Making the Most of Aloneness

6/16/2017

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General Info

Being alone is part of the human experience.  At times, it brings us a brief respite from the crush of people and relationships.  At other times, it brings a cold isolation that chills the soul.  Being alone is understood by some to be the essential human fact.  From it flows all that can be called human.  It allows us to know ourselves as separate from others.  It lets us get in touch with our inner life.  It requires that we admit that we are social creatures.  To be alive is to be alone within our own body, mind, and soul.
 
However, we experience aloneness in two ways, loneliness and solitude.  Loneliness develops when we yearn for companionship but are unable to receive it.  It may or may not be the result of physical aloneness.  We can be very lonely in a crowd.  Loneliness is an experience of the inner self struggling with a sense of isolation, barrenness, scarcity, or remoteness.  It can result from excluding ourselves or being excluded by others.  It may flow from a long period of aloneness or occur when our world is suddenly changed.  It can be a companion of grief, fear, anxiety, pride, arrogance, or anger.  Loneliness can be a joy crushing, love destroying fact of life.
 
Solitude develops when we are okay with being alone.  We may be yearning for a little quiet amid the noise of life.  We may simply want to turn down the emotional drama that swirls around and through us.  Like loneliness, solitude can happen in the crowd and in isolation.  Solitude is usually accompanied by a strong sense of self, being present to our inner life or a healing environment, or the stillness of self that comes through meditation.  Solitude may be described as “the zone” where we are completely present to a beloved hobby or activity.  It is usually a rather short-term experience but, for some, it can become a lifeline to health.  Solitude can foster a greater sense of self, peace, acceptance, and wholeness.  Solitude can enhance our capacity for love and trust, joy and hope.  Solitude is an essential element in our self-care.
 
Aloneness happens!  When that aloneness occurs as loneliness, self-care must acknowledge and respond to it.  We can either simply not be alone, or take a better path.  Over the next few weeks we will explore ways to transform our loneliness into life-giving solitude.

Tips -- Recognizing Loneliness and Solitude

​How do I know I am lonely?
  • Are you unhappy about a lack of connection to people who are important to you?
  • Are you uncharacteristically negative about your close relationships?
  • Are you feeling unwanted or pushed aside by your friends or family?
  • Are you grieving the loss of a significant relationship?
  • Does your aloneness leave you exhausted and drained?
 
How do I know I am experiencing solitude?
  • Are you comfortable being alone with yourself?
  • Does your aloneness bring you time to relax into your body, mind, and soul?
  • Can you feel your spirit being lifted in your aloneness?
  • Did you look forward to this time of aloneness?  Did you intend to be alone?
  • Does your aloneness replenish your energy and renew your spirit?
 
Over the next few weeks I will discuss ways to transform loneliness into solitude.  However, even when you are experiencing loneliness there is much to learn and experience.  Listen carefully to your aloneness and heed it’s teaching.

FYI

Loneliness
 
Solitude
 
Surviving Loneliness

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    Bob is a Spiritual Director and Retreat Leader who has a passion for helping people find love and trust, joy and hope in their daily living.

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