Have you ever been “out of your mind?” When was the last time confusion paralyzed your ability to decide? For the last 600 years, humanity has seen itself as the thinking creature that responds to the world through reason. We call ourselves homo sapiens, or “wise human” according to Carl Linnaeus in 1758. We are the rational creature with an awareness of ourselves and a profound capacity to think abstractly, especially about ourselves. Well, that’s the idea, if not the reality.
We do have a valid claim to being rational. But that rationality has come at a price. We must pay for being rational when we find that our perceptions and the facts that grow out of them do not square with our deeply held beliefs in any rational or reasonable way. When the facts and our beliefs come into conflict, we experience cognitive dissonance. This is defined as a mental discomfort experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. We believe that if something is true it must be consistent across similar circumstances. When conflicts arise, we become uncomfortable and seek ways to resolve the dissonance.
For most of us, these conflicts happen frequently. We are confused when things don’t work out as we anticipated. People and things surprise us and challenge the we “see” the world. We can usually ignore minor episodes of cognitive dissonance by passing them off as not being very important in the broader scheme of things. But when the dissonance occurs with a core value or belief, the discomfort can become debilitating.
Let’s say you believe that people get what they deserve and therefore bad things never happen to good people. I have walked with more than one person as they struggled through the dissonance that happens when they or someone they know experiences an “undeserved” tragedy. They not only had to deal with the tragedy itself, but they also felt the “ground of their being” shake as this deep belief was challenged by reality. We want a firm foundation beneath us. Anything that causes that foundation to move can paralyze our ability to believe or even act. We feel the need to resolve the dissonance so that we can regain the firm ground of rationality.
In resolving the dissonance, we may change our belief and accept that it never was very firm ground. But this takes immense courage and self-awareness. Generally, we add to our beliefs by creating other beliefs that prop it up. For example, we may add to the belief noted above by saying, “Maybe I am not a good person and actually deserve getting cancer.” Or, “I cannot know what that person has done. Maybe they deserved losing their child in that accident.” Too often, we do our most effective dissonance resolution by saying and believing things that make no sense at all. We sacrifice rationality, the facts, to what we want to believe. Be become irrational to preserve our sense of being rational. If you are confused, then you see exactly what I mean!
Unfortunately, cognitive dissonance gets a bad rap. We see it as something that must be avoided or resolved quickly. But cognitive dissonance is a pathway that can lead us out of the mire of mixed beliefs and desires. It can lead to a place where we feel safe and secure, a strong home built on a firm foundation. Cognitive dissonance can actually lead us home if we will listen and follow its leading.
Essentially, there are four ways to resolve a disconnect between what we believe and what we experience or observe.
1) Belief is right, and facts are wrong.
2) Facts are right, and our beliefs are wrong.
3) Both are wrong.
4) Both are right.
Choosing our path to resolution is painful and involves deep thought and soul searching. It requires knowing who we are and what we really believe. It demands a brutal honesty with our self and the world around us. It takes time and requires that we withhold judgment about some things by saying, “I don’t know.” We should be very slow in rejecting either our beliefs or the facts that present themselves to us. If we move too quickly, we risk getting lost and losing our mind.
When our mind is homeless, the issue is not resolving the dissonance, but discovering integrity. Integrity is an old word that falls in and out of favor from time to time. It means being honest and undivided. It is generally revealed when we compare our words to our actions. It is most evident when others can see our beliefs in the way we live our lives. There will always be a disconnect and points of disagreement between our beliefs and actions. But the more work we put into dealing with and understanding the dissonance can lead us to greater integrity in our daily lives.
In fact, cognitive dissonance tells us that there is a something that needs attention in our mind. Much like pain informs us that there is something wrong in the body, dissonance alerts us to our homelessness of mind. We ignore the pain and the dissonance at our peril. But there is a way to find our way home. It is not merely resolving the dissonance. To find our way home we need to learn to be patient with our dissonance as it teaches us what it takes for us to live with integrity.
We do have a valid claim to being rational. But that rationality has come at a price. We must pay for being rational when we find that our perceptions and the facts that grow out of them do not square with our deeply held beliefs in any rational or reasonable way. When the facts and our beliefs come into conflict, we experience cognitive dissonance. This is defined as a mental discomfort experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. We believe that if something is true it must be consistent across similar circumstances. When conflicts arise, we become uncomfortable and seek ways to resolve the dissonance.
For most of us, these conflicts happen frequently. We are confused when things don’t work out as we anticipated. People and things surprise us and challenge the we “see” the world. We can usually ignore minor episodes of cognitive dissonance by passing them off as not being very important in the broader scheme of things. But when the dissonance occurs with a core value or belief, the discomfort can become debilitating.
Let’s say you believe that people get what they deserve and therefore bad things never happen to good people. I have walked with more than one person as they struggled through the dissonance that happens when they or someone they know experiences an “undeserved” tragedy. They not only had to deal with the tragedy itself, but they also felt the “ground of their being” shake as this deep belief was challenged by reality. We want a firm foundation beneath us. Anything that causes that foundation to move can paralyze our ability to believe or even act. We feel the need to resolve the dissonance so that we can regain the firm ground of rationality.
In resolving the dissonance, we may change our belief and accept that it never was very firm ground. But this takes immense courage and self-awareness. Generally, we add to our beliefs by creating other beliefs that prop it up. For example, we may add to the belief noted above by saying, “Maybe I am not a good person and actually deserve getting cancer.” Or, “I cannot know what that person has done. Maybe they deserved losing their child in that accident.” Too often, we do our most effective dissonance resolution by saying and believing things that make no sense at all. We sacrifice rationality, the facts, to what we want to believe. Be become irrational to preserve our sense of being rational. If you are confused, then you see exactly what I mean!
Unfortunately, cognitive dissonance gets a bad rap. We see it as something that must be avoided or resolved quickly. But cognitive dissonance is a pathway that can lead us out of the mire of mixed beliefs and desires. It can lead to a place where we feel safe and secure, a strong home built on a firm foundation. Cognitive dissonance can actually lead us home if we will listen and follow its leading.
Essentially, there are four ways to resolve a disconnect between what we believe and what we experience or observe.
1) Belief is right, and facts are wrong.
2) Facts are right, and our beliefs are wrong.
3) Both are wrong.
4) Both are right.
Choosing our path to resolution is painful and involves deep thought and soul searching. It requires knowing who we are and what we really believe. It demands a brutal honesty with our self and the world around us. It takes time and requires that we withhold judgment about some things by saying, “I don’t know.” We should be very slow in rejecting either our beliefs or the facts that present themselves to us. If we move too quickly, we risk getting lost and losing our mind.
When our mind is homeless, the issue is not resolving the dissonance, but discovering integrity. Integrity is an old word that falls in and out of favor from time to time. It means being honest and undivided. It is generally revealed when we compare our words to our actions. It is most evident when others can see our beliefs in the way we live our lives. There will always be a disconnect and points of disagreement between our beliefs and actions. But the more work we put into dealing with and understanding the dissonance can lead us to greater integrity in our daily lives.
In fact, cognitive dissonance tells us that there is a something that needs attention in our mind. Much like pain informs us that there is something wrong in the body, dissonance alerts us to our homelessness of mind. We ignore the pain and the dissonance at our peril. But there is a way to find our way home. It is not merely resolving the dissonance. To find our way home we need to learn to be patient with our dissonance as it teaches us what it takes for us to live with integrity.
TIPS
Learning from our Dissonance
I told you this would take patience, courage, and a deep awareness or ourselves. It is not easy! But the good news is that integrity does not require resolution of the dissonance. Rather, integrity is a direct result of the struggle with the dissonance. You will find that your actions will be shaped by what you understand and by what you realize that you do not understand, yet. You will become a person of greater integrity who knows that he is at home in his mind. It may still be under construction or have a hole in the roof, but it is still home for you.
Blessings,
Bob
- Acknowledge and identify the beliefs and realities that are creating the dissonance in our lives.
- Avoid a quick resolution my developing patience with our dissonance
- Allow it to help us understand and challenge the assumptions that support our beliefs that are involved with our dissonance.
- Allow it to verify the facts that are challenging our beliefs.
- Make whatever changes seem most reasonable to us.
- If no reasonable options for change present themselves, return to step one and repeat.
I told you this would take patience, courage, and a deep awareness or ourselves. It is not easy! But the good news is that integrity does not require resolution of the dissonance. Rather, integrity is a direct result of the struggle with the dissonance. You will find that your actions will be shaped by what you understand and by what you realize that you do not understand, yet. You will become a person of greater integrity who knows that he is at home in his mind. It may still be under construction or have a hole in the roof, but it is still home for you.
Blessings,
Bob
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