Wearing your mask right now is more than protecting you and those around you. That mask could actually heal our broken society and start us back on a path to healing. No, this is not a preacher's exaggeration. This is straight-up, in your face, truth. Read it and rejoice!
Early in my ministry, many of my pre-wedding couples honestly believed that love was all they needed to live a long and healthy marriage. In the pre-marriage counseling, I would help them look at their hopes and dreams as well as their obstacles and challenges. A good number of the couples would dismiss every difficulty with the same phrase, "But we love each other. That will not be a problem." They always left me speechless. That frustration led me to try all the "C" words, but communication, commitment, and compromise just did not work for them, or me.
One day, as I was preparing a sermon on the biblical concept of covenant, an idea began to take root. I did a bit of study and wrote a small booklet that I gave to every couple titled "Love is Not Enough." The core of the booklet was that a covenant relationship is strong because it involves a growing capacity for love and trust. When both partners have an increasing sense of love and trust, their relationship will be strong enough to weather the winds of change in their marriage.
That idea of a covenant relationship became a major theme in my ministry and my life. It became a hallmark of my own 46 years of marriage. When my ministry turned to peace-making in the troubled 1980s, the covenant grounded in love and trust became an essential element of conflict resolution and non-violent engagement in our communities. In 2004 an Elder asked me to define Spiritual Health. After years of pondering and struggling with the meaning of covenant, that question took my thinking to another level. Our capacity for covenant relationships grounded in both love and trust is the best measure of our spiritual health. (Yea, I am a little slow. It took me three decades to sort this out, and I am still working on it!) This relationship continues to be vital, especially in 2020.
What is a covenant relationship? Love means that we place the needs of the other person ahead of our wants and desires. Further, if the other's need is more significant than our own, then they take priority in a love relationship. However, this could quickly become a one-sided, dis-eased relationship without the second element, trust. Trust means that we are willing and able to place our needs into the hands of another. We trust them with those things that we cannot do for ourselves. We are bound together by mutual love and trust. Our relationship becomes strong enough to withstand illness, accident, marital failure, or deep grief. As the relationship grows, our capacity for love and trust deepens and expands.
Along with love and trust, respect and resilience also develop. Dependence or co-dependence becomes interdependence. We do not lose ourselves but become more capable of living more independently as well. We do not grow apart. Instead, we grow alongside one another. We grow, together. And that little comma makes all the difference.
Covenant relationships work in a marriage and other family settings. They create healthy business and corporate relationships. They make long-term friendships possible. And, I believe they build powerful social relationships. Wearing a mask during this pandemic can heal our society.
The face mask is not merely a symbol. It is a caring act of covenant. If we wear a mask, we have some limited protection from the virus. If the other person, who is carrying the virus, wears a mask, we are much safer. If both of us wear a mask and observe social distancing, we are very, very safe. The only way to become safer, according to the CDC, is to be in isolation. Our safety depends on the other person wearing a mask. Their safety depends on our wearing a mask. When both of us wear a mask, we live into our covenant relationship with one another. It embodies both love and trust for one another. Wearing a mask is an act of love for the other. It acknowledges our willingness to trust the other person with our presence. It means we are interdependent and growing, together. Again, that comma makes all the difference.
"You can act your way into a new way of feeling much quicker than you can feel your way into a new way of acting."
This saying rises out of the twelve-step program and the cognitive therapy movement. It acknowledges that our feelings and thoughts are not as malleable as our actions. We cannot "reason" others into wearing a mask if they have already decided against it. Nor can we "guilt" someone into wearing a mask if their heart has hardened against it. However, if we start wearing a mask because we are deeply committed to the health and welfare of other people, we will invite them into a covenant relationship. And it will be an invitation that may be irresistible. Unfortunately, if we are only wearing a mask to protect ourselves, there will be no relationship building. Our mask-wearing will be received as an act of selfishness and further harden their mind and heart. But if we do so out of a loving concern for the other, then covenant relationship-building becomes possible.
Not everyone will get it. But I invite you to imagine this. What happens if we are walking along on a narrow path and see others coming toward us. They are not wearing masks. What would happen if we stopped and stepped to the side and put our mask on before they got too close? What would we be communicating with that small act? People who only believe that a mask protects the wearer will either ignore or resent the action. Those who see the mask as a sign of concern for others will understand. They will see it as an act of kindness and love. What would happen if 90% of the people that that other person meets along that path does the same thing? They may just see beyond their doubts/suspicions and start wearing a mask themselves. In doing so, they will signal that they are part of a community that cares for each other and trusts one another to care for them. Welcome to a covenant community.
If enough people begin to recognize and support this type of community, it will change the very nature of our society. Will everyone "get it?" No, there will always be outliers. But they will be a small minority.
Imagine how a covenant society would address racism or other types of discrimination and oppression? Imagine a covenant society disagreeing on how to spend their tax dollars? Imagine how a covenant society would respond when it looks to the borders and sees neighbors starving to death on the other side? How would such a community deal with issues of policing and justice? Imagine how a neighborhood would treat the new neighbors who refused to mow their yard or pick up the trash that gathered around their house? How would such a society provide healthcare for those, especially those most in need? How would such a society respond to the elderly poor or the single parent raising children on minimal income?
These questions could go on and on. But the point remains the same. If we could begin to live into covenant relationships with our neighbors, especially those with whom we disagree, we will set the stage for a real revolution, a revolution of the spirit of our life together.
With the mask, we can live out Gandhi's challenge to the people of India as he began to build a new society on the Subcontinent. Many have paraphrased it as "Be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi said, "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do."
Covenant relationships reflect love and trust onto the world around us. That light shines in the deep glacial crevasses of hatred and distrust. It warms the very ground upon which we stand and allows the seeds of justice and mercy, respect and appreciation, joy and hope to grow. We may not see the forest that we are planting today, but our children and grandchildren will one day enjoy the abundance of life that it will provide.
Next time you meet someone along the way, plant another seed. Wear your mask! You may just be the flutter of the butterflies' wing that changes the world!
Blessings, My Friends,
Bob
Early in my ministry, many of my pre-wedding couples honestly believed that love was all they needed to live a long and healthy marriage. In the pre-marriage counseling, I would help them look at their hopes and dreams as well as their obstacles and challenges. A good number of the couples would dismiss every difficulty with the same phrase, "But we love each other. That will not be a problem." They always left me speechless. That frustration led me to try all the "C" words, but communication, commitment, and compromise just did not work for them, or me.
One day, as I was preparing a sermon on the biblical concept of covenant, an idea began to take root. I did a bit of study and wrote a small booklet that I gave to every couple titled "Love is Not Enough." The core of the booklet was that a covenant relationship is strong because it involves a growing capacity for love and trust. When both partners have an increasing sense of love and trust, their relationship will be strong enough to weather the winds of change in their marriage.
That idea of a covenant relationship became a major theme in my ministry and my life. It became a hallmark of my own 46 years of marriage. When my ministry turned to peace-making in the troubled 1980s, the covenant grounded in love and trust became an essential element of conflict resolution and non-violent engagement in our communities. In 2004 an Elder asked me to define Spiritual Health. After years of pondering and struggling with the meaning of covenant, that question took my thinking to another level. Our capacity for covenant relationships grounded in both love and trust is the best measure of our spiritual health. (Yea, I am a little slow. It took me three decades to sort this out, and I am still working on it!) This relationship continues to be vital, especially in 2020.
What is a covenant relationship? Love means that we place the needs of the other person ahead of our wants and desires. Further, if the other's need is more significant than our own, then they take priority in a love relationship. However, this could quickly become a one-sided, dis-eased relationship without the second element, trust. Trust means that we are willing and able to place our needs into the hands of another. We trust them with those things that we cannot do for ourselves. We are bound together by mutual love and trust. Our relationship becomes strong enough to withstand illness, accident, marital failure, or deep grief. As the relationship grows, our capacity for love and trust deepens and expands.
Along with love and trust, respect and resilience also develop. Dependence or co-dependence becomes interdependence. We do not lose ourselves but become more capable of living more independently as well. We do not grow apart. Instead, we grow alongside one another. We grow, together. And that little comma makes all the difference.
Covenant relationships work in a marriage and other family settings. They create healthy business and corporate relationships. They make long-term friendships possible. And, I believe they build powerful social relationships. Wearing a mask during this pandemic can heal our society.
The face mask is not merely a symbol. It is a caring act of covenant. If we wear a mask, we have some limited protection from the virus. If the other person, who is carrying the virus, wears a mask, we are much safer. If both of us wear a mask and observe social distancing, we are very, very safe. The only way to become safer, according to the CDC, is to be in isolation. Our safety depends on the other person wearing a mask. Their safety depends on our wearing a mask. When both of us wear a mask, we live into our covenant relationship with one another. It embodies both love and trust for one another. Wearing a mask is an act of love for the other. It acknowledges our willingness to trust the other person with our presence. It means we are interdependent and growing, together. Again, that comma makes all the difference.
"You can act your way into a new way of feeling much quicker than you can feel your way into a new way of acting."
This saying rises out of the twelve-step program and the cognitive therapy movement. It acknowledges that our feelings and thoughts are not as malleable as our actions. We cannot "reason" others into wearing a mask if they have already decided against it. Nor can we "guilt" someone into wearing a mask if their heart has hardened against it. However, if we start wearing a mask because we are deeply committed to the health and welfare of other people, we will invite them into a covenant relationship. And it will be an invitation that may be irresistible. Unfortunately, if we are only wearing a mask to protect ourselves, there will be no relationship building. Our mask-wearing will be received as an act of selfishness and further harden their mind and heart. But if we do so out of a loving concern for the other, then covenant relationship-building becomes possible.
Not everyone will get it. But I invite you to imagine this. What happens if we are walking along on a narrow path and see others coming toward us. They are not wearing masks. What would happen if we stopped and stepped to the side and put our mask on before they got too close? What would we be communicating with that small act? People who only believe that a mask protects the wearer will either ignore or resent the action. Those who see the mask as a sign of concern for others will understand. They will see it as an act of kindness and love. What would happen if 90% of the people that that other person meets along that path does the same thing? They may just see beyond their doubts/suspicions and start wearing a mask themselves. In doing so, they will signal that they are part of a community that cares for each other and trusts one another to care for them. Welcome to a covenant community.
If enough people begin to recognize and support this type of community, it will change the very nature of our society. Will everyone "get it?" No, there will always be outliers. But they will be a small minority.
Imagine how a covenant society would address racism or other types of discrimination and oppression? Imagine a covenant society disagreeing on how to spend their tax dollars? Imagine how a covenant society would respond when it looks to the borders and sees neighbors starving to death on the other side? How would such a community deal with issues of policing and justice? Imagine how a neighborhood would treat the new neighbors who refused to mow their yard or pick up the trash that gathered around their house? How would such a society provide healthcare for those, especially those most in need? How would such a society respond to the elderly poor or the single parent raising children on minimal income?
These questions could go on and on. But the point remains the same. If we could begin to live into covenant relationships with our neighbors, especially those with whom we disagree, we will set the stage for a real revolution, a revolution of the spirit of our life together.
With the mask, we can live out Gandhi's challenge to the people of India as he began to build a new society on the Subcontinent. Many have paraphrased it as "Be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi said, "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do."
Covenant relationships reflect love and trust onto the world around us. That light shines in the deep glacial crevasses of hatred and distrust. It warms the very ground upon which we stand and allows the seeds of justice and mercy, respect and appreciation, joy and hope to grow. We may not see the forest that we are planting today, but our children and grandchildren will one day enjoy the abundance of life that it will provide.
Next time you meet someone along the way, plant another seed. Wear your mask! You may just be the flutter of the butterflies' wing that changes the world!
Blessings, My Friends,
Bob
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